Missing David

[Endlessnight]

I hope no one gets upset at me posting this. I hadn't realised he had left though until I just now read the thread about it that has now been locked at David's request.

First I want to say I have no idea why or what happened to make David leave. Obviously it's a thread or threads that I missed that everyone is talking about, but that doesn't matter now.

I want to say thank you David. Thank you for the help and advice you gave me. Thank you for making me feel like I mattered, and that you cared enough to give me of your time and wisdom.

I hope you can forgive those of us that might have been more demanding than we should have been, myself included. Take care. You will be missed.

And to all moderators, to all the people on this forum...thank you. This is, as Malign said, a home where we have been made to feel welcome and accepted, where we are listened to with patience and understanding, and are given help and support when we need it.

Thank you again everyone.

M.

[Luna-]

Thanks for starting this thread, M. We need a place to be able to say we miss him, grieve (it was a great loss to the community) and remember good times.

I am comforted by the fact that he is doing great and busy with other things in his life. He had quite a few pots on the boil, and how he managed to give so much here, and fit everything else in, is a wonder to me. He must be a Superbello...

It doesn't stop the missing, though. There is a hole where he used to be.

[IrmaJean]

David was undoubtedly a huge presence here with his liveliness, humor and wisdom. I think we both arrived here at the site at about the same time last summer. Right away I very much appreciated the way he offered a lot of himself within his supportive posts. And the tales...I confess to having saved a few. I found them both inspirational and challenging. Life wisdom kind of stuff. I've definitely been feeling his absence here on the boards. But, as Luna said, David is doing well. The "family" remains together in spirit and we can honor that by moving forward and continuing to offer one another support.

[Mark]

A thought I've been having for a day or so now ...

The surface narrative right now is that David was "wounded in battle", went away from the community for purposes of healing, and has decided to not come back for his own inscrutable reasons. However, it has occurred to me that in the weeks before this crisis occurred, David was the key inspiring factor in bringing in *three* new moderators. I can't help but wonder if in the back of his mind this was to set up a condition in which he felt comfortable leaving his own moderation post. In other words, I can't help wonder if the motivation for pushing for the confirmation of our new moderators was in part about replacing himself - that he had some level of awareness in advance of the crisis that he would be leaving or wanted to leave. If there is any truth to this possibility; then the crisis is not what it seems to be, not a simple wounding explosion, but rather a convenient vehicle to carry him away from the community in a manner that would not require him to consciously say goodbye and deal with people's desire for him to stay. If this were to be true at all, it would not make David's contribution here any less valuable, or diminish the pain of his loss that people are feeling; it would only show him to be a complex human being with complex motives like any other here.

Mark

[Luna-]

I like this, Mark, thank you. He did tell me at one time that there were things coming up for him in his real life that he would need time for.

And we were *four* new mods, btw - Danni, IrmaJean, Symora and I.

I also felt as if by his decision he was taking care of himself - another inspiration, by example and demonstration of honouring ourselves and what we need.

[Mark]

My bad. four. David did good!

[danni]

Yes... David is irreplacable so it would take at least 4 or 6 people to start to fill that hole.

[IrmaJean]

I don't think any of us can fill that hole. We can try...

[Mark]

David cannot be replaced. We will miss him. However, the functions within the community that he handled can be taken up by other people.

[Symora]

It's all about personalities isn't. David has a naturally strong presence - I wonder if he has that same charisma face to face????? I'm always fascinated by natural born leaders... He is also a natural storyteller. I took a course in storytelling a few weeks back and I'm not a natural at it at all ... Good storytellers are hard to come by, especially when they have a good sense of humour...

Life without David ... it does take some getting used to

[IrmaJean]

I'd like to repeat my offer here to PM one of the moderators, such as danni or myself, if anyone would like additional support through this period of adjustment. I imagine that David would really want for us to be moving on from here and to put our energy into supporting one another.

[Calla]

I would like to applaud any mention that David is moving on and enjoying life. I found all the talk of loss and grief terribly upsetting to begin with because not all of us knew what had happened and the meaning attached to those words was far worse. Someone commented on one of my threads about a loss and I cried for hours because I misunderstood.

So although I agree it is sad for the rest of us, it is important that it was his decision and should be celebrated really. He has a good life clearly, otherwise he wouldn't need the time to do things. I think maybe we have just all missed the chance to say goodbye and have what they call "closure". But as many have said David himself knows how we feel and thinks we should move on by helping those of us that remain. He knows how well thought of he was(although I didn't know him so well but I can tell). But I just think it is important that if these conversations continue it must be clear we are lamenting someones decision to enjoy their life and nothing more.

[Calla]

None of that was meant offensively just that I had misunderstood a great part of the "conversation" and was terribly upset. Don't want that to happen to anyone else.

[IrmaJean]

That's it, Calla. Exactly. Thank you.

[Calla]

Because I know how important this topic is I would just like to reiterate my comment was meant with love and compassion. I would just hate for people to be upset by what's happened and think we should feel joy that David is off making the most of his life.

[Symora]

I think we're joyful for him, sad for us .... it's quite selfish on my part actually :-)...

[Calla]

Yeah I think thats how a lot of us feel. I think that is a normal human emotion. I have felt that many a time. "Good for them but what about me" type of feeling. When my last single friend got a boyfriend is my last example "wow I'm so pleased" *through gritted teeth*......

[Nightwatch]

Hello everyone. I'm David O's wife, Claire.

I want everyone to know that David really, truly is doing fine. While he didn't recruit four new moderators because he was planning to leave (there was no hidden agenda or duplicity!), he did come to a place in his participation in the community where he realized it was best for him to move on.

I can vouch to all of you that in real life, David is truly a wonderful person and is a gift in my own life beyond measure. I am touched that you all miss him so much. I know that he wishes all of you well and is also experiencing a sense of loss. Sometimes, even the right decision is painful for a time.

I do hope that there is some way that something other than "Banned" can appear beneath David's name on his old posts. This makes it seem as though David was dishonorably discharged from the community.

I know that for a time, David was tagged as a "Super Moderator" which bothered him a great deal. It was possible for the forum administrator both to add that designation and remove it, so I have to believe that it is possible to change the "Banned" designation as well.

Thanks to all of you for the riches you brought to my husband's life for a time. I know that he will remember this as a positive experience.

Claire

[Mark]

Hey Claire,

Long time ...

I was not suggesting duplicity; only a kind of outside of awareness sort of movement. It was just an idea based on the coincidences, and if it was true (which you are suggesting no), I thought it was sweet that such a level of caretaking was undertaken.

David's account is "banned" not because he was banned, but because I wanted to de-commission it, and most other choices would still keep it "active". I can simply return it to the status it had before I moved it to "banned". David had said he had foobared the password on it so it should not be possible for someone else to gain access to it without exceptional means.

EDIT: I have created an "Inactive User" status with the same permissions as the "Banned" status. So that should satisfy all I hope.

BTW, David is enjoying still participating I guess - although from a remove .

Mark

[Luna-]

Isn't it good to know that someone else can replace you in carrying out tasks but no-one else can replace you in what you bring to the task?. We'll never have another David because what he brought was was unique - but it could be that a little Davidness has rubbed off on some of us... and in that way he's still here.

(Whew, that's wayyyyy too philosophical for this early in morning, don't know what came over me... better get some more coffee... )

[danni]

all I can say to that is.... huh?????

No...I get what you're saying.....

Nah....he didn't rub off on me.... I rubbed off on him

[IrmaJean]

Never overlook the opportunity to express sentiment when you're a sap, like me.

I like to think that all of our interactions with one another provide us the chance to grow from within. There are depths within our minds, places which may not have previously been within reach, that may become clear through our relating with another. Knowing David has helped me to better understand and become in touch with myself. Connections with others light us up and once we become aware of our own inner light, this is a gift that remains with us even as another moves on. Return to that place and there is a reconnection in spirit. The gift of knowledge, wisdom, experience, and most importantly, friendship. So, yes, Luna, a little "Davidness" stays with us always.

[Nightwatch]

Hey Claire,

Long time ...

I was not suggesting duplicity; only a kind of outside of awareness sort of movement. It was just an idea based on the coincidences, and if it was true (which you are suggesting no), I thought it was sweet that such a level of caretaking was undertaken.

David's account is "banned" not because he was banned, but because I wanted to de-commission it, and most other choices would still keep it "active". I can simply return it to the status it had before I moved it to "banned". David had said he had foobared the password on it so it should not be possible for someone else to gain access to it without exceptional means.

EDIT: I have created an "Inactive User" status with the same permissions as the "Banned" status. So that should satisfy all I hope.

BTW, David is enjoying still participating I guess - although from a remove .

Mark

Mark,

"Inactive User" seems appropriate. Thank you.

I don't know why it matters, but the reality is that David did not ask me to post on his behalf and is not participating from a remove.

Actually, upon short reflection, I do know why it matters....because from my perspective there has been some effort on your part to ascribe motivations to my husband that are inaccurate at best and at worst suggest an effort to recast the reasons for his departure in a more favorable light.

To David's friends: I am genuinely touched by the thoughts you are expressing about David. He is, as you've all realized through your interactions with him, truly a unique person who will give his "all" to help others. I am glad you will carry that example with you, because I think it is a good one.

Claire

[Calla]

If I may just say I think some of us are painting his reasons for departure more favourably to help those who are clearly struggling with this. People are feeling responsible or confused. But can I understand the height of emotion involved for all here, yourself included. I don't think anyone meant any harm or disrespect.

Personally I can't read anymore of these threads as I am finding all the negativty quite disturbing. So think I will have a break from the site while people come to terms with things. I wish you all peace and hope everyone can get back to a place where we are all working together again.

[IrmaJean]

Calla, if you would like to discuss your feelings around this privately you can always PM me. I would be very happy to offer you support. I hope that you will reconsider leaving. The site would miss your presence. I know there have been times when certain threads have set me off as well. Sometimes this happens even when we do our best to keep it from happening. I hope that you choose to stay, Calla. We would like to get to know you better.