Can somebody...

[goose]

Can somebody tell me that my life is worth living cause I can't see it. The way I see it nobody but nobody can help me anymore. Nobody can take away my son's troubles , my unhappiness with my marriage. No matter what I do the stress will always be there - I just can't see the point in doing it any more. I just want the whole world to go away and leave me alone.

I can't get away from it, it is there in my head all the time. I can't silence it I can't get a break.

[IrmaJean]

Goose, I'm so sorry that you're feeling down. Your life is worth living. Did something happen recently that has upset you?

[goose]

The problem is it is happening constantly - my 17 year old son has significant behavioural problems. It used to be constant summons' to the school, now he is out of school it's the police at the door. It is causing huge tension between me and my husband - apart from my underlying unhappiness with my marriage. I can see no end to it, so I have to decide if I want to live this life. I told my husband tonight that I wanted to leave - but I know I can't afford to and also my 3 children would be devastated. When I look for solutions the ones I come up with are not pleasant.

[Symora]

Hi Goose, it's nice to hear from you... I've been wondering how you are.

I've seen other people go through very tough times, get through it, and on the other side life is good. My very closest friend has a husband that is a challenge, her two daughters were almost on the street at the ages of 14-15, by choice. She literally would walk the streets downtown looking for them. They eventually came home, got boyfriends, had babies at 18-19, five kids all together. Ann helped those girls alot. I could see how tired and overwhelmed she would get. But now the girls have grown up, have smartened up considerably, and now its just her and her husband and it's pretty good now. They sing in choirs, travel, have a life.

All of this to say that sometimes it feels like it's going to be like that forever, because it really does feel that way since it lasts a long time, but time does move on, things change, kids grow up, and then it gets easier again. Courage, there are good times yet to come :-)

[IrmaJean]

I agree with Symora, Goose. One of my brothers was in and out of trouble with the law during his school years...and now is an upstanding citizen and father. Things can change for the better though it may not seem possible now.

I can imagine it's that much more difficult without the support of your husband. Is there any chance you could get a breather from all of this for a few days? Any other family there to support you?

[David O]

Hi goose,

I'm so sorry you're going thru all of this...and that you feel both alone and as if life has lost its' meaning. I have 2 grown children and went thru a painful divorce around 10 years ago, when both of my kids were young (8 & 14), and I think it nearly killed me. On top of that, the divorce resulted in my being fired since I couldn't focus long enough to be a functional CEO-- so now I was unemployed and in the midst of a painful divorce. I remember staying up nights, feeling a physical sensation of my heart slowly ripping apart, my chest would hurt and I felt like I was dying. The stress was such that even breathing became a chore, and the pending divorce weighed so heavily on my mind that I began to stop eating-- the perfect weight loss solution for me as I dropped approx. 30lbs.

Goose, I think we may be able to help (or at least I hope so), but it will take a lot of patience, work, emotional energy and time on your part. My 1st question is whether there is enough emotional energy within you and your husband to try to salvage the marriage? Many marriages can be resurrected, even after a shipwreck (affair, abuse, an addiction in the home, violence), so long as there is commitment to do so. Look carefully at this part, think about it deliberately for a few days and then please write back in and let us know. Between all of us, we may be able to help you create a solution or ways to turn this around.

While you're thinking about that, do write in and talk with us, borrow from our strength and soul to replenish your empty one.

Your son's future may very well hinge on how you and your spouse work thru this, but the window of time is very small now as he is very much an adult.

With great understanding,

David

[goose]

You are all giving me some hope, thank you for that.

I have been working with a psychologist for the past year and he has helped me greatly with my depression. I was going to go to my doctor tomorrow to ask if I could start to reduce my medication - I'm not so sure now.

It is 3am in the morning and all 3 of us are up. My psychologist has made me aware that I am afraid of my husband and with help I have begun to speak up for myself, this transition is not going down very well with my husband.

However I'm just after apologising to him for what I said earlier, but I have also asked him to back off me a bit.

I feel a little more relaxed now - you are all life savers (literally) .

[David O]

Goose,

So glad you're seeking professional help and are already making progress. Do you feel comfortable telling us what things you're working on and what kind of daily homework is being assigned. This will allow us to be more supportive in specific areas.

Thanks,

David

[Symora]

Changing ourselves does inevitably mean that it ripples out to our relationships, and not everybody likes change I've seen a lot women have to change things in their home around their late fourties because they could no longer sustain the energy is takes to be superwoman. I don't know if that is your case, but at one point you have to say <I count too> and mean it, or else your health goes. Changes are often slow, they literally can take years, but eventually, when there is more balance, things get better. If what you are asking is reasonable, then stick you your guns and he will eventually get used to the new you

[IrmaJean]

How are you feeling today, Goose?

[goose]

Hi IrmaJean thanks for asking.

I'm feeling a bit jittery - but not as tearful as I have been. Myself and my husband have kind of called a truce. We have one more week of our leave from work - he feels too stressed to go back, I think it would do me good to be away from the home so I will be going back.

Take care

Goose

[Symora]

It sounds like you're feeling a bit better Goose, that's good. And a truce is definitively a good thing. Do you think that all your problems with your son is cranking up the volume between you and your hubby? It sounds like a stressful situation at home and getting out and thinking about other things may be good for you.

I am looking at retiring in the next 3 years or so, and lately I've been tired and was looking forward to it. But then I had some days off and realized that without work my life will shrink considerably, so I've now decided that work is a good thing, for different reasons than before - now I consider it good for my mental health...

Hope you have a great last week on leave...