Calla Posted July 10, 2010 Report Share Posted July 10, 2010 whats the point? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted July 10, 2010 Report Share Posted July 10, 2010 The point, Calla, is a better tomorrow. You can do it. Please stay with us. We need you here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tobeistohope Posted July 10, 2010 Report Share Posted July 10, 2010 Calla, I feel like that a lot of the time too, but, my therapist once, (actually a few times until it sunk in!), to treasure the times that I'm feeling good, even a little bit good, and keep working on the rest. And, it seems to be working! I hope this helps you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calla Posted July 10, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2010 Thank you. I just keep hurting myself (mentally) again and again. I'm 34 now...am I ever going to learn? I feel like I can't even breath too hard or I'll shatter into little pieces. Feeling very fragile Poisonous mind playing poisonous tricks.I started this thread because I was feeling distressed and had a hairdressers appointment (I know laughable) but it was making me feel worse knowing I had to face people. Turned out it wasn't a bad thing, it got me out and distracted. But when I then went around the shops I saw all these young slim pretty girls in their summer clothes and I had to come home. So now I feel a bit rubbish again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted July 10, 2010 Report Share Posted July 10, 2010 Calla, I admit to experiencing some feelings of envy as I'm putting up magazines at work with all of the body beautiful women on the covers. But they're human beings just like the rest of us and surely have their own flaws too. And maybe it's best to at least try not to compare ourselves so much to others and focus on appreciating ourselves. Did you get a new hair style, Calla? How do you like it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calla Posted July 10, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2010 It's not easy. Especially in the industry I work in.One thing I have been thinking is I keep telling myself I must really hate myself to keep doing this. But I think it's the opposite. I see myself as the only one who can protected me and must keep all others away at all costs. If I hate myself thats ok because it's me and I'm allowed. But I don't want anyone else doing it. I HATE my first boyfriend, I see it all coming from there now. Oh and my hair is ok thanks, just a bit of a tidy up, nothing to exciting Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted July 10, 2010 Report Share Posted July 10, 2010 Hi Calla,You have been given wonderful feedback from our members. I agree fully with them. The point of it all is to live...to live in the best way we can, with the ups and downs.Allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calla Posted July 10, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2010 What if it is all flat lines and lows? No highs...and I mean NO highs what so ever. Where is the point in that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted July 10, 2010 Report Share Posted July 10, 2010 The point would be living your life with aspirations for future highs. You give yourself the chance. Things can improve, Calla. In the meantime try and take pleasure in life's little pleasures. Like the shooting stars that you like to watch at night. They are pretty, aren't they? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calla Posted July 10, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2010 I know it's all pathetic and people always criticise me for saying it...but I'm sick of doing it alone. Why am I not worthy of having someone by my side who loves me unconditionally. I hear stories of people battling illnesses who have found people to help them thru regardless. But no, not me. I'm left to just fend for myself. But this means that I have nothing to fight for. Whats the point for just me. I just dont' care about doing things on my own. Sick of it, nice things are pointless with no one to share. And I hate to say this because I appreciate all comments but people with partners and friends can't really understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted July 10, 2010 Report Share Posted July 10, 2010 Of course you are worthy are being loved unconditionally, Calla. All of us are worthy of that. You can still meet someone to share your life with.Maybe I can't completely understand, Calla, but I can be your friend and support you. I'm sorry you're lonely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calla Posted July 10, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2010 Thank you. All a bit pathetic isnt it? I'm just not strong to do it on my own. I need to find my other half (as beautifully described in David O's story) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calla Posted July 10, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 10, 2010 Sorry I hope I didnt sound ungrateful. I just find it difficult to really express what it's like in my world (even though I post endlessly!!) I spend on average 6 days a week with no company. And I don't want to make any new real life friends really...I find them tiring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest GingerSnap Posted July 10, 2010 Report Share Posted July 10, 2010 I know what you mean by real life friends being tiring. The answer is not in finding your better half though I don't think because you will make you happy and a good relationship will make the happiness grow. I do hope you are feeling better. You are most likely to find a relationship when you are not looking - I don't know why but it seems if you accept your current situation, then along comes something new. That may not make sense - I mowed in the heat to day so my ideas may be more than half-baked tonight. Do hope you're feeling better. Give it time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Symora Posted July 11, 2010 Report Share Posted July 11, 2010 How come you spend so much time alone Calla? The world is missing out on your gifts .... And there's no running away from that, we all have some, even if sometimes it takes other people to remind us Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calla Posted July 11, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 11, 2010 I don't really have any friends or much family. I see my parents for 2hrs a week. And sometimes talk to people at my gym. About 5yrs ago I had a huge falling out with the group of friends I had since I was 15. Mostly down to drugs, I am a drinker but never touch drugs and they were getting into harder stuff. They also weren't very nice people to be honest. I decided it was better for me not to associate with them....shut the door on my flat and that was it....fast forward 5yrs and its like i've been stuck in a time warp.I have a few friends that I see now and then but only about once every 3 months.I know it's awful but I just can't be bothered with the hard work if its just for me. If someone knew me well and offered to come with me to the Dr I might just do it. I need someone to hold my hand weak as that is.It's funny though because in a real crisis I'm actually one of the strongest people?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbara A Posted July 11, 2010 Report Share Posted July 11, 2010 I can really relate to that, Calla. I'm sick of going it alone too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calla Posted July 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 Sucks doesn't it? This is one of my most days for a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted July 12, 2010 Report Share Posted July 12, 2010 None of you...I mean NONE Of YOU are pathetic in any way!!!Allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
flat_affect Posted July 13, 2010 Report Share Posted July 13, 2010 Calla I wish I were in the UK - I'd gladly hold your hand on the way to the doctor's. I know what you mean about being able to be a superhero for others in a crisis but not for yourself. If it ever really gets down to "why go on", use your parents. You sound like a very caring person and I know you wouldn't want to leave them with that kind of pain. I use my daughter in the same way. It's ok for me to be miserable, but not to make her miserable.Besides, I'd really rather go out on a high note, and lately it's all been tuba. We deserve better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calla Posted July 13, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2010 Thank you. I wish you could come with me too I can't get out of bed today. So I dont' really understand the point. My plan has always been to wait until my parents have gone and then do it. But I'm not sure I can wait that long. It's a strange thing though isn't it because if someone is in lots of pain, as a loved one wouldn't you rather they were no longer in pain?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted July 13, 2010 Report Share Posted July 13, 2010 It's always difficult knowing that a loved one is in pain. Of course I would rather a loved wasn't hurting, but I would also wish for them to never give up. I would want them to appreciate and love themselves. I would want them to strive to attain the life they want. Life can be a struggle at times. Getting well means finding ways to ease the pain without hurting yourself. It's up to you, Calla, to choose to live. I'm hoping that you make a choice for life. We need you here, Calla. All of us add something, all of us have a meaningful presence, all of us have value. All of us matter. You matter. I hope you know that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calla Posted July 13, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2010 I choose to give up. I'm such an idiot. And I've made a fool of myself yet again. All because my brain is poisoned and doesn't work like it should. I have no friends, not a close knit family. I just sit here crying all day, talking to strangers on the internet. I can't cope with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted July 13, 2010 Report Share Posted July 13, 2010 Please don't give up, Calla. Keep fighting. You can have what you want in life, but you have to choose to live. Can you call your doctor today? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Calla Posted July 13, 2010 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2010 I can't really do that. They will book me an appointment for 2 weeks time. I can't really have what I want because of my appearance as well, so unless I can afford surgery theres no point really.Please don't feel you need to spend any time talking to me, I don't want to waste your time. I'm not as strong as everyone else here, so I can't do the things they suggest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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