kristin Posted July 15, 2010 Report Share Posted July 15, 2010 Hi, I was raised religious and was constantly given the message "Don't have sex before marriage", so when I was approx. age 15-25 and dating a lot of good guys, we did everything but sex. Then from around 25-now (30) I have fallen into a depression and consequently not been able to date any good guys anymore. Also, as a consequence of my depression and hating life, I don't feel so religious any more although I still attend church regularly as it is the only tie between my now and my past, and this place and all my other worlds I've lived in. So I've basically decided it is really important to me to lose my virginity, as soon as I can. But I'm not a risk taker and I'm very afraid of a lot of things, including STDs. Which is why I wish I'd done it with those younger guys when I was younger. And I'm very angry with my parents for setting me up for this -- they never even considered what if I don't get married. I feel like a social contract was broken, because I did everything they said and here I am, 30 and a virgin, when I feel like a husband and children were an implicit promise of my childhood.I really regret I didn't lose my virginity with any of those sweet boyfriends I had when I was younger. Now I feel like it's a weight hanging around my neck, and I'm scared, because older relationships move much faster. I also almost did it last year with my old roommate but chickened out at the last minute, even though I do want to lose it now but he was more a FWB than a boyfriend so I wasn't sure if I could handle it mentally. To help myself prepare, I just today got the first in the series of 3 HPV vaccines. My insurance wouldn't pay and that made me so mad, they only pay up to age 26 and after that they assume you already have it! Well, maybe the average 26-year-old has already been exposed, but I was tested (for other contact) and don't have it and my doctor said the vaccine helps older people too. I was so embarrassed to ask her, too. I was so embarrassed to say I was a virgin and so can I please get the HPV vaccine. And our culture makes it shameful-- even the insurance companies are basically saying they expect everyone to be either settled by age 26, or to have slept with so many people that they already have HPV by age 26. Anyway I decided to get the vaccine anyway, because I think it will ease a lot of my STD anxiety so that I can feel more comfortable when the chance comes to lose my virginity.Thanks for this forum; it is exactly what I need! I'm even too embarrassed to tell my therapist these things (mostly because pretty much everyone who lives around me here really really hates religion, they are always making fun of religious people, I'm serious, it is so awful -- so I feel like my story would add fuel to the fire since I had a religious upbringing that started this whole thing. Even though I have a lot of problems with it I still respect my religion, so I don't want outsiders hating on it, it offends me). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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