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Isn't It All About Coping?

Guest GingerSnap

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Guest GingerSnap

It's it all about coping, being able to cope with issues/problems versus the issues/problems themselves? I have a read a couple of lists of issues/problems lately and I can write a list of more than twice the length of the longest one and some could never have a solution especially those that deal with getting older which more than doubles some of the standard issues but anyway, I guess the "glad" game and my faith in God just keeps me in line mentally (I realize this is my journey, my dress rehearsal for the here after) and physically (this body is the vehicle for the soul that God gave me). Yeah, corny as that seems, I am coping, more than coping most of the time. Now, if I could bottle the peace with life that I have and sell it - well, that "vehicle for my soul" could really make a million, oh, but then I would just have to share it - I'm much less than perfect but it is always my goal even though I stomp and complain my share on occasions. Work in progress. Just my thoughts.:) Wanted to reference this article, he has written a couple on the subject: http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=39156&cn=91

Edited by GingerSnap
It's too hot to think anymore, I don't like summer!
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Hey Gingersnap,

I came across your "speech"? and read the referenced one too. I guess I'm just wondering why, if I can, you wrote it? What did the other article say that makes you be sort-of out raged? (If I can ask).

I, personally, know how hard it is to just cope. The doctor's office just called me to confirm my appointment and I canceled it. Then a few minutes later, I called them back to reschedule it to the same time and date, Monday. I get so confused at times. (the reason, my story, is just too long, but the bottom line is, I'm dealing with breast cancer now). and I know how you feel when you said

some could never have a solution especially those that deal with getting older which more than doubles some of the standard issues

But basically, I just saw the "Fallen" reality article as a lot of generalizations that he had picked up from his observations, eventhough he said a couple of things that made me laugh.

Also, my faith or believing in God is what had enabled me to move on too.

best wishes

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Guest GingerSnap

Speech? I'm not really sure I know what you are referring to. It is just my thought that coping positively is what it all comes down to. I could be more specific? It is just that everyone wants to "change" when in reality it boils down more to coping than change. Anyway, I hope that you come through your situation with your health - my mom was a breast cancer survivor of 30 years when her heart gave out. Cathy

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Guest GingerSnap

Actually, musemuse, I have been soul-searching as to whether to remain at the website because of the majority of articles and the attitude against my beliefs here. I was happy to see anything that even hinted that a belief system in God might actually be a good thing rather than the root of all evil - the cause of pain and sufferings of guilt, etc. I have this "rigid belief system" - long story but it does not fit the purpose here. Again, my prayers are with you as you conquer your health crisis. Cathy:)

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Hey Cathy :)

Well when your done through the soul searching, and have come to you decision, as to whether to stay here or not, can I just say that if you have decided to leave, then please reconsider :)

You know what my beliefs are, not quite the same as yours, but similar, you see every ones beliefs are different, you know what its ok to be different, its ok to share your beliefs, basikly its ok to be you , as you - does that make sense ?

You have helped myself and many others here, with your kindness, sharing your thoughts and offering sound advice, but mostly by sharing that great sense of humour of yours and offering your friendship. It means a lot to me, and to those you have helped :)

Now maybe you've been picking to many tomatos of late, and being out in that lovely blistering heat of yours, so sit back relax today, or maybe just make some time for a little fun, an hey if your at a loss as to what to do with all the tomatos, we could always be proper 'grown ups' and have a tomato fight with them :)

Take care hun


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Gingersnap: Wanted to reference this article, he has written a couple on the subject: http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_d...id=39156&cn=91

I wanted to add, I read and enjoyed that article as well. It reminded me of another one I'd read a few years ago...

Pleasure only gets you so far. A rich, rewarding life often requires a messy battle with adversity.

Hurricanes, house fires, cancer, white-water rafting accidents, plane crashes, vicious attacks in dark alleyways. Nobody asks for any of it. But to their surprise, many people find that enduring such a harrowing ordeal ultimately changes them for the better. Their refrain might go something like this: "I wish it hadn't happened, but I'm a better person for it..."

More: The Hidden Side of Happiness

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I think you are very right about the coping thing GingerSnap. However it is helped greatly by how we view our thoughts and how we react to them. I am a great believer in cognative behavioural therapy.

Of the past while particularly I have seen you give great support to others here - it would be a shame to see you go.

I admire people who have a great faith, it must give you strength and consolation.

In this country, (Ireland) God and the Catholic Church have been one and the same for a long time. The Church in this country is going through a huge crisis due to the many scandals of child abuse. People here have turned away from the Church as a result. It is a very emotive subject, as it is seen that those who promote God have let us down by their own actions. There is very real hurt.

Unfortunately while volunteering at my local parish church as a teenager a priest tried to force himself on me, he did the same to my sister.

I am not confused about God or the Church but I do not have a faith. I just like to live a good life, to be kind to others and to show a good example to my children.

I do not think any God is a bad or evil thing, people do bad and evil things.

Take care


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Guest GingerSnap

I have had issues with some of the articles on the main page. The most recent dealing with homosexuality and a comment that I heard where one of the prominent leaders in the movement said that is passed, it would give them the respect that they deserve and I had stated that being allowed to marry would not give them respect since marriage does not give heterosexual couples respect. I believe that homosexuals who act on their impulses are committing an immoral act. Then, another article by Allan Schwartz, states that the problem with religion can be that people feel guilt and shame from their actions (I'm thinking, well, duh?). Anyway, Allan somehow gets ticked off and accuses me of saying that I would not respect homosexuals which I did say in the first place. I have seen the whole God thing take a beating more than once here and that is allowable. There was a cartoon that referred to psychosis and God which I found totally offensive. I am ashamed to be a member of a website that can promote everything but God because it might offend someone - you know I just can't be a part of that. I tried to cope but this comment from Allan, it is out of line. Anyway, this was Allan's post to me: To Cathy and all readers,

I strongly object to and disagree with Cathy's characterization of this web site and what I consider to be her intolerance of some people because their life styles are not sanctioned by the Bible or Koran. In fact, Cathy, your comment borders on the worst kind of hatred, and that is stereotyping. To reject an entire group of people, in this case homosexuals, by stating that they do not deserve respect is disgusting, in my opinion.

The goal of this web site is to provide mental health information as up to date as it can be. We are not here to either promote religion nor to reject it.

Dr. Schwartz

The Issue (Does Not Need To Be Posted, But Yo

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Hello gingersnap,

I think it's possible that you will like the first part of my post. I think it's also possible you will not like the second part. Here's the first part...

Stanzas Of The Soul

1. One dark night,

fired with love's urgent longings

- ah, the sheer grace! -

I went out unseen,

my house being now all stilled.

2. In darkness, and secure,

by the secret ladder, disguised,

- ah, the sheer grace! -

in darkness and concealment,

my house being now all stilled.

3. On that glad night,

in secret, for no one saw me,

nor did I look at anything,

with no other light or guide

than the one that burned in my heart.

4. This guided me

more surely than the light of noon

to where he was awaiting me

- him I knew so well -

there in a place where no one appeared.

5. O guiding night!

O night more lovely than the dawn!

O night that has united

the Lover with his beloved,

transforming the beloved in her Lover.

6. Upon my flowering breast

which I kept wholly for him alone,

there he lay sleeping,

and I caressing him

there in a breeze from the fanning cedars.

7. When the breeze blew from the turret,

as I parted his hair,

it wounded my neck

with its gentle hand,

suspending all my senses.

8. I abandoned and forgot myself,

laying my face on my Beloved;

all things ceased; I went out from myself,

leaving my cares

forgotten among the lilies.

Source: St. John of the Cross ~ Dark Night of the Soul

That poem is reputedly about union with "God". The first time I heard it, I didn't quite catch all the words although I did catch the general tone. I thought to myself then, 'Wait a minute now, St. John of the Cross is a male, and God is also supposed to be a male, so... were God and St. John of the Cross gay? Was the ultimate union a homosexual one?'

Then, several years later, I happened across the poem again, and this time I heard this...


O guiding night!

O night more lovely than the dawn!

O night that has united

the Lover with his beloved,

transforming the beloved in her Lover.

Then I thought to myself, 'Wait a minute now. Who is this female who showed up? Where did she come from? Was St. John of the Cross a woman? Did he sneak some woman in there with him?'

But none of that appeared to be the case.

Then, after I'd done a whole lot more digesting and thinking, I thought that maybe what St. John of the Cross went through was the union of the opposites and as a result of that act... something happened. I suspect in the East the same kind of process might be referred to as moving beyond dualism. Then I started thinking that the entire marriage business was an external act intended to reflect a sacralized inner process. That is a process you go through alone, without any partner but the inner one.

Anyway, I don't know if any of that makes the least bit of sense to you but it is certainly part of the reason what consentual adults do with their bodies and each other does not perturb me. I'm more concerned with what's happening on the inside, not the outside.

~ Namaste

See also:

- The Inner Beloved

- The Balancing and Synthesis of the Opposites ~ Robert Assagioli

Music of the Hour: Loreena McKennitt ~ Dark Night of the Soul

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Guest GingerSnap

It just all comes down to someone trying to tell me what I am going to accept when I believe that something is morally wrong. Forcing something on me, against my will, making me violate my moral code by requiring me to accept something I believe is immoral so others doing that behavior will feel that their behavior is moral. It being said that I am filled with hatred because I believe that something is immoral that is a group's behavior, basically anything that batters me to try to force me to drop my moral standards to accommodate any immoral behavior. I believe that religion and state should be separate so legal unions, I am not concerned with. I also believe they should legalize prostitution in the US since, again, as you pointed out, two consenting adults. Hearing the leader of the movement say "If passed, we will get the respect we deserve." showed ignorance on that person's part. Comparing it to the civil rights movement which addressed people who were brought over in chains and treated like livestock was also offensive as was comparing homosexuality as being more like being left-handed than being immoral. I don't care what people do but I will not put a stamp of approval on it if I feel it is immoral. And, after thinking about it, no, I could not have respect for someone that was living in sin what yet proud of it. I have put in a lot of hours on the website and when it steps on my morals, I am told that I show hatred and stereotyping - mind games, I don't play, thanks and there is no coping with this. Everyone has to decide what is most important to them. I will not have an agenda that I do not support shoved down my throat. End of story.

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Hi, Ginger. I can tell that you are feeling upset and angry. You have strong feelings about this subject. Your value system and beliefs are your own. I think that all of us have our own beliefs and feelings about certain topics and that we won't always agree on this. Do you think that the anger you are feeling around this might possibly hold some deeper meaning for you? Maybe there was a time when you felt something in your life was forced upon you and you weren't respected? That is just a thought to consider that could very well be off-base. I do hope you feel better.

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Hi Cathy,

I would hate to see you go. You've been a great support to me and many others here.

I'm also sorry to hear you feel conflict with your values while here. I too have a strong belief system. My second job is even at a church as a music coordinator/choir director. I guess I haven't seen this site as being anti God or forcing agendas on us. I've found it to be accepting of all who come here with all their differences.

Many different people come here, each with their own value systems and opinions. That's OK. I think we can all learn a lot from each other. But I think when it comes to morals and values, that is an individual choice and I can be solid in mine and confident in my beliefs and still respect that others don't feel as I do. I also believe that my values stop where those of another start. It's not my place to approve or disapprove of someone elses beliefs. So...i choose to love the person even if I don't agree with their ideology. I don't think I'm selling out or minimizing my values by doing that. Mine are intact and I hold them closely but I respect each person's right to decide for themselves where theirs are and that is not for me to judge.

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