I guess no one listening b/c I

[windsybarbie]

Hi::

I am very vulnerable today and I have posted here, trying to reach out . However no one replied so I guess I am not important. I saw my pdoc today, and I was not in my center, and he talked to the abandoned/rejected part. I am not being myself as usual as I am scared and trying to be grounded but no support anywhere??? :(

After the appointment I walked to get fries and a shake, went to a park to look at the flowers and walked to a market here. I walked about 3km, I am exhausted but I am still on that tread mill in my mind.

I thought at least I would have this board for support but I guess that isn't even going to happen. I know that everyone is in their own stage of processing, I was just hoping for some type of feedback. Another rejection/dejection, alot I have come across this summer. Thanks for your support

[Proverbs31:28]

I would not take the lack of replies as a measure of importance here. As you mentioned, people are at different stages of their own journeys and some simply cannot respond right now. Others may have simply not been online since you posted (like me- first time on here today!)

I do know what you mean about feeling like you are still on a treadmill in your mind. I often feels like my thoughts are going way faster than i can keep up with. Even when I try to be still and 'in the moment' my mind keeps going!

Please keep posting and don't give up on the folks here.

Can you share more details about where you are mentally? Are there new or recurring triggers you are dealing with? Keep talking if you can!

[IrmaJean]

Hi windsybarbie. I'm so sorry for the slow response. Of course you are very important! I'm going to look through and find your post. I hope you are feeling better very soon.

[mscat]

Hi windysbarbie,

I am sorry I did not see your post sooner, I was just not online. Try not to take it personally if you do not recieve quicker replies then you would like. It sounds like you had a rough day, I hope your feeling better. I am going to go back and read your orginal post.

Cathy

[Calla]

I've been in that situation before. Posting on here and reaching out and feeling frustrated because it seemed like no one is listening. So I understand how you felt. But it's not that you're not important or people don't care. Like others have said it's usually because people log on at different times of day or are dealing with something else etc. Many people are from different countries as well so the time of day makes a difference.

Hope you are ok

[windsybarbie]

hi:

The intellectual windsy understands and the BIG windsy is very glad people replied. Yes, I did have a very hard day yesterday, but I was able to reach a worker and go thru the process in grief. I took sleeping pills and slept for over 11 hrs.

AFTER, my posts here, I finally heard from my brother since March (when he paid for 4 people to go to Cuba, including me). He wanted to know what I was doing this Sat. It was to take him to a wedding so he can drink responsibly. However he would not tell me what he wanted unless I told him I was busy first....sneaky

I would not feel comfortable lying, so i said okay what time. My family may NOT be there for me, but I will not cut the ties when they need something. I finally realized that is the only contact I have with them right now, if they need/want something they will call windsybarbie. Otherwise they are too busy with a life & a family. I am looking back, and that is how it has always been b/c of my passiveness/aggressiveness due to the trauma.

Today I am going to try and go for a ride in my car. I always have the intentions but never seems to do it. Yesterday walking 3 km was unplanned but I just have to be a NIKE and DO IT. I have the coping skills and now I need to use them practically, not just intellectually. I am responsible for me, so I will try today to go out for about 2 hours.

I am sure no one likes these bumpy days, but the good news is, there are also good days...I just have to find them Thx

PS: How is everyone else doing? A technique I use is taking 2 mini taperecorders to session or important mtgs and listen to them later. I hear my T voice and I get reminded of my questions and his responses. I found this to be a good coping skill b/t therapy sessions and good for grounding.

So THANK YOU for all the people that care here. I am very sorry, I don't quite understand how these boards work. Is this the correct forum, to post about my rough days???? :)Today is another day, and it is what I make of it,,,and i want to be happy & have fun....

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Windsy,

I thought I responded to you yesterday, but, in a different forum??? Anyway, I am also sorry no one responded. There are just so many of us working at this and it is too easy for something to go awry in terms of non response. Please do not believe that a non response has any meaning behind it. Its not true. Its that no one happened to be around or were in other forums and unaware. Its a short staff issue complicated by members being in different time zones.

Anyway, it appears that you are feeling better?

Before I retired from this work I suggested to a few of my patients that, if needed, they could call my phone and listen to my greeting message. It helped some of them stay grounded.

Anyway, how are you doing now?

Allan:)

[windsybarbie]

Dr Scwartz & everyone:

After pdoc's office I walked for about 3km and went to two parks. I treated myself to fries and a shake and tried to enjoy the flowers/and nature. I had a very hard evening yesterday, but I took my changed dose of meds and slept for 11 hrs. I have NEVER taken care of me like that, and I want to be mindful to do more of it. If I don't have the external support, I have ME..The problem is the motivation due to the bipolar.

However, yesterday my brother did contact me since Spring Break. He paid for my family trip to Cuba in Spring Break and he wanted a favor. I will take him to a wedding on Sat so he can drink responsbily. I have always been a caretakere and I can't change so how do others handle family contact? I get shamed when I say NO to others even if they don't ask "how can they help".

Today I am more optimistic and I have a banking appointment but then I think I will go for a drive on my own....I know that I am the only one who controls how I feel....however it is nice to know that I am not alone b/c others are going thru the same thing. I need to distract and NOT be so obsessive writing, reading, and on computer incessantly....

I am off my "pity party" now and I understand everyone is busy....Thanks

It is just so hard to deal with emotions when you blocked them off for all these years.....

[windsybarbie]

hi:

I didn't realize I said the same thing on two different posts. I need to be more grounded and focussed. Right now I am going to eat and get ready and clean my apartment and do something else for a while. Then I am going on that drive, and I will tell you if I accomplished that goal. Thanks....today is another day, and it is what we make of it.....please ignore the rambling..this is me going thru my recovery....emotions are scarey; and I know they are necessary to heal...and we will all be okay in our own time

[Luna-]

Sorry to come in with an aside but I wanted to comment on this:

Its a short staff issue complicated by members being in different time zones.

I don't think it is a staff issue. We have one staff member and that is Allan who cannot be everywhere. None of the rest of us "staff" this forum, all are members with our own mental illnesses who are trying to stay on our own even keels and not burn out from trying to be everywhere for others and then being told we don't care.

Sorry to be grumpy but it's the third time in the last 3 days.

[Calla]

Please don't take this the wrong way Luna but I am wondering if you need a break from moderating for a while? It's just people do get upset when they first come here if they feel people aren't listening. I did and I see others do it too. They come here because they are feeling desperate need. There is maybe an illusion when you first join that this is a properly staffed help forum not just mostly members helping each other. I don't think it's entirely clear until it is explained in a polite and friendly manner.

Ps I know we have had our history so I want to make it clear I mean this for your own sake if you feel burnt out.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Calla, Windsy, Luna and all,

I did check the other forum that you, Windsy, wrote on and I and several other people did respond to you. Now, you have seen your pdoc and are aware that there are times when you engage in a "pity party," as you expressed it. That is OK, we all do that from time to time.

What worries me is not you, Windsy, but other people who seem quick to seize upon any comment having to do with slowness to respond as evidence of how poor this web site is.

Calla, Luna does not need time off and your comment to her was nasty and uncalled for. Also, things are never as they may seem on the surface. In point of fact, I believe we do a pretty good job of responding to people.

Allan

[Calla]

I really resent that Allan. You have taken it the wrong way and I am extremely annoyed that you as a professional choose to judge me. If Luna is upset at what people are saying maybe she needs a break. Take it in the spirit it was meant and behave professionally and do not attack me.

[Catmom]

What worries me is not you, Windsy, but other people who seem quick to seize upon any comment having to do with slowness to respond as evidence of how poor this web site is.

Calla, Luna does not need time off and your comment to her was nasty and uncalled for. Also, things are never as they may seem on the surface. In point of fact, I believe we do a pretty good job of responding to people.

Allan

I usually don't get involved in the dustups around here but I feel compelled to respond to this.

Allan, I did not take Calla's suggestion that Luna needed a break as nasty at all. I know that Calla has made some negative comments on this site in the past, but I did not think this was one of them.

Furthermore, I don't take it personally if someone says no one cares when they don't receive a fast enough response for them. I see this as a very common distortion that is made when someone is in emotional pain, which usually includes thinking that one is ignored or doesn't matter.

I guess this just goes to show that online communication has its difficulties and we each see what is said from our own perspectives and interpret them accordingly.

Peace all,

Catmom

[Calla]

I genuinely didn't mean it in a bad way which is why I mentioned about the history I have here. But I clearly have a bad rep here and it's really good to know caring goes hand in hand with forgiveness and moving on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Once an outsider here always an outsider.

And also I did NOT criticise the response time of people ever and I am SICK and TIRED of people putting words into my mouth. But I understand how it feels. Why do you think most people come here Allan? Because they are feeling in some sort of crisis otherwise why else would you type this sort of thing in a search engine. So perspective and desperation can make people feel ignored and abandoned. I have never said they are right and people here are not good at what they do, I have merely empathised and tried to explain. To say I am angry right now is a HUGE understatement.

[Catmom]

Hi Calla-

Please see my response in support of you. I know you are angry but would also like you to know that no one said you complain about how fast you get responses.

I think Allan was off base in his response to you and I would be surprised if he doesn't take a look at his words and apologize.

Even if he doesn't, you did nothing wrong IMO, in your response to Luna. Please don't let your anger cause you to act badly now. I am concerned because you seem not to have seen my response because you are so angry.

***HUGS***

Catmom

[Calla]

Thank you. Sorry yes I was a bit blinded by anger there! I should be used to people attacking me on here I guess. I do speak my mind a lot but one thing I am not is a liar and if I meant it nastily I would not have put my little PS in there.

We all have our hard times. And I find that if I am feeling a bit warn down by helping others then I need a break. There is no shame in that. It's for my own benefit and others. I;ve just started meds and was feeling quite bad and actually felt it helped me to be distracted by trying to help others. but when I started to feel overwhelmed I took a step back. I thought it made sense what I said but as I say I have been blacklisted now.

[Calla]

Ok how about I rephrase

Sorry to hear you are feeling burnt out Luna. Obviously it is always important that we look after ourselves as well as responding to others. Perhaps you need a well earned break from helping others and some time to rest and take care of yourself. And that doesn't mean leaving the forum but talking to us about you and how you feel.

I would rephrase what I said to Allan as well but I would get barred.

[mscat]

Calla,

I also did not think your initial response to Luna was "nasty" I think i was a good suggestion , and a heartfelt one. their is nothing to rephrase, IMHO. I think it is important to step back and "chill out" when needed . Especially when replying on a fourm such as this one.

[Calla]

Thank you.

And apologises Windsybarbie for what has become of your thread!!

[Guest ASchwartz]

Calla and Catmom,

Calla, if I misinterpreted the meaning of your comment then, indeed, I do apologize. At the same time, the way your re phrased that comment makes a huge difference in a positive way.

There is a related issue that serves to complicate things. Evidently, you were commenting to Luna about something in another forum or in this forum but another thread. That is the problem and its not the first time I have observed it with many, many of us. It is this:

Someone discusses some problem in one forum and then others respond in a different forum. See what I mean? The connection is lost and the response is easily misread because it is out of context. I believe that is what happened here.

I don't know what Luna may have complained about. It was either on a different thread or in a different forum.

Allan:)