what does change mean for a bpd?

[Sherzade]

I think I am in need of some support. I don’t usually ask for it, so this is a step forward.

I am a woman with borderline personality disorder. As any other person I had dreams and expectations for me. I worked hard to get where I am today, thinking that if I worked hard I would succeed. I worked hard in my family to help my brothers (also bpd) and mother. One died, the other one hasn’t but threatens suicide. My mum has been depressed for many many years and I have been devoted and determined to help her. I didn’t really help her/them and I didn’t really help me. I was taken for granted and my efforts only trapped me in a world of extreme internal poverty and desolation.

I am now fully aware of my dependency on her/them. I have lived for them as I couldn’t live for me. I now understand fully how my role of provider, savior, good and reliable daughter/father/husband/sister/mother (all of this in my mum’s family as I dodn’t have my own) has been my only source of identification and orientation in the world. I am for others.

Trying to separate from my mum, as embarassing as this is for me at this age, I am faced with these feelings that are not new, of helplessness, insufficiency, dread. Near death. And it’s not the feelings that scary me the most. I know them by heart. What scares me and what makes me write here today, is that I have been in therapy for 9 years, working so very hard, and I haven’t been able to change. What is change for a bpd? I never cut, took drugs, tried suicide (although I think of it more ofetn than not)… I do have problems with preserving positive relationships, I do have problems having a mind. I do have problems being a subject. A subject with my own mind. I do have problems identifying and regulating my feelings (specially anger, rage, self hatred and guilt). I feel confused and cannot make fair judgements. I am basically afraid and tired. Tired of being tired and tired of being afraid.

I am free now to kill myself. I wasn’t before because I thought that if I died that would kill my mum. This is not quite as relevant as it was in the past. I am free and that is bloody dreadful as I don’t feel that I have the internal resources to be free.

The most difficult is that I am a capable, clever, interested, loving and fun person at times. I love that me but I can’t hold on to it for long. Therefore my dreams have been failled again and again and again and again...

[58corvette]

As I read your post there were many things that I could Identify with. Although I dont know that I will be of any help. I can at least let you know I can relate to some & continue to have Hope for yourself.

When I was Married; My Family (ex & children) were My Identity. I to have worked very hard only to see everything slip away. Starting with my Divorce.

My Hopes & Dreams have faded away with it.

I am Co-Dependent especially right now with my Son. I was the main Source & Provider for my Family & felt important & responsible with that role. I continue to Struggle with my Own Identity & be responsible, confident & Free to be myself and at Peace with that.

I do know theyre are People (Mainly My Children) that still rely on me for many things. Should I end it all what will that do for these People or Myself?

In the End as I continue with this Life I need to find Value in myself. Nothing has gone as I planned. Although I made the effort, Worked Hard & Consider myself a good, decent, loyal person.

And yes I to am Tired of being Tired & Afraid on a Daily Basis. That is a big part of why I am here on this Site. You are reaching for Help Yourself & Seeking Support as am I. Someone to Identify with & maybe through this Journey find your Own Identity & Meaning in Life.

As you said This Is A Step Forward. Please continue to move Forward as i must & through Time it is possible we will be able to Live Life without so much Fear or Tiredness. But with the Confidence that we are OK & there are reasons we have made it this far.

As I said I know this may not be of any help; but it is Support for one another.

The Best To You.

Sincerely; Jim

[Sherzade]

thank you so much Jim.

You're right. It doesn't really help. Not like an aspirin would help if i had a headache, which is pretty much the kind of help i desperately want at this right moment. I know that that help is just too fantastic and will not happen.

It helps to talk about it freely though. I do not want to burden my friends. After all these years they have been expecting something to happen, a change, a birth, as much as i have, just to be faced with sameness all over. I do feel lonely in my pain and i am isolating myself more and more every day. Only a very few people know about my difficulties. It's good to know that some people like you comprehend what i am going through. No guilt, no shame, no self hatred.

I am sorry that you too suffer. My father left when i was around 5 and i never saw him again. Sometimes i wonder how much he suffered himself that he couldn't stay and be part of his lovely children's lives... I can't help but appreciate that you are in your children's lives and work so very hard to keep it that way. I wish my father had been able to do better than he did for ourselves. On the other hand i can imagine that it might have been excruciating for him as it may be at times for you. In different ways surely.

May i ask you, have you been in therapy?

[58corvette]

If they are Truly your Friends you are not Burdening them. That is what True friends are for. Although I think most of us can count Real True friends on possibly one Finger or a few more.

Yes my Divorce, Court System & ex made it very difficult to remain part of My Childrens Lives. As a matter of fact I wasnt for a few years. And it was Terrible. The Wounds from that are Still Healing & an Ongoing Process.

I am so sorry things transpired the way they did with your Family, Yourself & your Dad. But you seem to have a good grasp on that & your Compassion & Understanding for your Dad is Inspiring. Believe me Dads Suffer in many ways when it comes to our Children. It is not often Discussed or Understood.

I have been in Therapy Several Times throughout my Life. The Last time was when my ex had an Affair, we lost or House & I just started a new Job back in 1995. It was Family Marriage Counsiling.

In the end My ex did not Heed the Counselors Advice about not continuing A Cycle of Divorce. So although I continued to work very Hard at my Job & kept my Family together with Love & dedication; in the end Marriage was not for her.

Like you though I must continue to have Hope & overcome my Lonliness. Thery're still may be that special person that comes along & together we can ease each others Pain, Fear, Tiredness & combine our Souls.

It is an ongoing Process that can happen at any time in Our Lives.

[Sherzade]

It sounds very painful. I am really sorry that you suffered so much and that youf life project didn't go as you expected. A marriage is a two people's project. One person can't make it happen on his/her own and it's not fair on that person to do all the work. I am sorry that it ended the way it did.

We are amazing beings. The complexity that goes into a person's behavior fascinates me. And i do unfortunately understand how people are able of both loving and destroying the same very person. I feel it in me and i can't forgive me for that.

You're right. Men do not get enough attention and thought to what concerns to their difficulties as fathers, and also as men i would say. I think that there is a huge split in father/manhood nowadays. Some are incredibly fearful of commiting and getting involved and run away, others like you want to get involved and find a system that doesn't really support them. You might have felt incredibly lonely. I can't imagine that pain but i have certainly thought a lot about it. I mean about men (and women) in the world today.

I am glad that your children are in your life now. And i sincerely hope that you find that person to share your life with. And that you find that person in yourself as well. The best company ever :-)

I am so afraid to think of being in a relationship because of my fear of being abandoned and my crisis of spontaneous anger. I don't want to put anyone through that. It makes me very sad.

How crazy is this? I have a perfect understanding of my behaviour patterns, of my mechanisms of thinking and still repeat them over and over again as if i hadn't learned anything. And i so wish to be able to be in a loving relationship.

Thank you for your support.

[58corvette]

Wow. You are very Insightful & Thoughtful Thank You for your understanding of So Much. Our Society today is very Complex & Confussing for sure.

You hit the Nail right on The Head in many aspects. My own Fear of Abandanment is Huge to this day. As far as Anger; that has gotten better through Time.

So let me ask you; if you are so aware of these two concerns in regards to having a relationship; dont you think that is something you might discuss with a possible Mate?

They may understand? And just what is it that you think Triggers your Anger?

Abandament I can understand; just from what you mentioned with other aspect of your Life.

I do think again both Triggers start with some type of Fear to begin with; Dont you?

Sincerely; Jim

[Sherzade]

I am not always sure what triggers my anger but it seems that is a complex set of different fears that work as a closed cycle repeating themselves through time. I grew up in a violent environment with no adult to discipline or limit us. It was unsafe and it felt unsafe. I developed an intense and overwhelming hatred for myself, a feeling of disgust and abject towards me. The result are feelings of anger, rage, jealousy, envy and paranoia at times. And after attacking the other(s) I feel deep guilt, remorse, shame and a bit more of self hatred. After all I just proved that I am no good.

I am in fact face to face with this self hatred. I knew that it existed but I have not seen it like this. Looking in my eyes fearless. I look at it in disbelief and to be honest, although I pretend that I am in control of the situation I have no clue what to do next.

Did you do something to help with your anger? My anger is also not so extreme as it was in the past. I managed to identify who should I be angry at and directed it to the right people. But still it comes at times out of nowhere and I am left feeling so inadequate. Not because I was angry but because of its intensity.

I am not sure whether I could tell a ‘mate’ about my fears. I suppose that I could tell the right person(s). But my self loathing is so great at the moment that I know that I won’t be able to be liked or loved. It’s hard enough that my friends love me. This is the state of affairs around here. I feel guilty that my friends love because they don't know the feelings that I experience at times.

Jim, what keeps you going? Is there something in (your) life besides your children that keeps you going? Have you ever felt content just in yourself? At peace? Ok? Satisfied? Enough? Just? Just being? Sometimes I do feel like that, but then I lose the feeling and when I lose it I feel as if I had lost my entire being. And I am again so afraid.

[58corvette]

Quite a bit there Sherzade. You definitely are quite Intellegent & in touch with yourself & emotions. So I will try my best to respond.

Self Hatrid to this day; Im still not exactly sure why from your responce. And if that is the case just what do you think you can do in a Positive way to change that? After all I think that may be a start, dont you?

As far as my own Anger Issues; As I said as I have gotten Older & I guess maybe Matured more? I do realise that Anger comes mainly from Fear. So I also try not to take things so Personally. Also my own Experiences through Marriage, Children, Work & Court System has taught me that Anger can be very Debilating & unproductive.

Recently on another Thread here I used a word & had a missunderstanding of a situation I should never have used or started. It caused a lot of hard feelings, changes, & things that just cant be taken back. However for me it is done & over with & cant be taken back although I tried my best. I did not respond back with Anger however. As it would have only continued to Fuel A Fire that would have no good outcome.

Also my Son recently this past weekend had his Car & all his tools Stolen from the Hotel room we live at. I was angry & let a few things out in regards to that. It did'nt help my Son Whatsoever. Although for me I was able to let some Emotion out. So again it solved nothing. I continue myself to Learn & Move Forward.

Whether it be a Mate or the right Person(s) that you need to express yourself, Fears, Anger whatever it is thats a start to any meaningful relationship. The other Person im sure may have there own issues that they want to express with you; that you can help with & understand. It's all part of a process of Friendship & relationships I think? Dont you? I know it keeps us from possibly having any relationship at all. That is how my own Isolation Continues. That Trust Factor & Trusting Ourselves.

Now here is the tough one for me. Right now Honestly My Children are a Huge Factor in what keeps me going & a Big Part of my Own Self Identity. I think for brief moments in my life I have felt at Peace & Content in who I am. But Not Right Now at all.

I live in a Hotel with my Son & we both have Major Problems & Issues that need to be resolved. We have little Income left with no Housing prospects directly ahead of us. So what keeps me going? Survival & Hope Instincts I guess. Always that thought that things will get better. What other choice is there?

Yes I to Remain Afraid with Fear of the Unknown to. But Today im here & still writing, breathing & responding to you. So that's Hope itself correct?

Sincerely; Jim

[Sherzade]

Thank you for your words.

Your situation sounds very difficult. I am so sorry to hear about it. You sound very wise and resilient and I hope you can hold on to that hope.

We can’t always feel in peace and content but I see it as an ability. If we do it once we can do it again. You are obviously going through very difficult times and I so hope that you will find that feeling in you many more times. Many many more times.

Your words made an impact on me. I do need to think how I deal with anger or what do I get from it. Maturity is the right word to use and I am certainly not mature enough.

I do need to look at how to change some of my believes, but finding it difficult to change is the reason why I posted here. I find myself coming back to the same place again and again and again. That what makes me tired. That what scares me. I can’t really learn from experience even if intellectually I am so aware of so much about me. I know what my qualities are, but I still can’t… internalize them, be them as if they existed as an idea when they are in fact me. Trying so hard to change and failing constantly is what is so dreadful. But I will certainly try again as I haven’t given up yet. And I am very glad that you haven’t either. That hope.

I do talk with my friends quite openly about my life, my experiences, my difficulties. I don’t tell them about my most difficult feelings as I want to protect them and also myself. I don’t want them to know that I at times I want to kill myself. What would this do for them? They love me. And I love them. I don’t want to lose them but I will if I tell them that deep inside I am a sort of a monster. Because that’s what it feels like. But you are absolutely right. This lack of trust and fear prevents me from closer and more meanigful relationships with others. But is so difficult to be me in front of others. Do you have friends? Do you talk with someone about your experience?

I think that people have high expectations to what they should be, look like, feel, want… I certainly do and I know that this creates a lot of feelings of inadequacy that are not necessarily correct. What are we judged on? How do we judge ourselves? How do we actually condemn ourselves every single day? We do what we can do and that has to be good enough.

I always think of the film “the hours”. Laura Brown is a married woman with 2 kids. She can’t bear the pressure of the the roles of mother and wife. What seems to be easy for most, was extremely difficult for her. She tries suicide but gives it up. Knowing that she can’t cope, she leaves her husband and children and settles down in another small town doing a simple job that she can manage. That was what she could do. How to blame her? She tried so hard but she just couldn’t do it. This is painful for the ones around her but… how to change it?

What I am saying is that we try so hard to hold on to life, no matter what and how. If we have to cling to someone else’s identity then let it be. It’s ok. It is ok.

Thanks for holding on to hope, whatever shape that takes every day. Thanks for replying to my posts.

[58corvette]

You are welcome Sherzade & Thank You for your own Compassion & Understanding.

Right now it is tough to reply. My Son just recieved a call from Police that his car & tools that were stolen this past weekend; Was Found Completly Gutted & Destroyed. :mad: :confused:

In the meantime I will continue to Hold out HOPE & the Best for YOU, Me, My Son & the Rest of us.

Sincerely; Jim

[Sherzade]

Oh no! Please go and do what you have to do.

What a nasty and unnecessary event. I suppose it's just one more to deal with. I hope you are strong and if you need some support come around.

I too hold hope for you and your son. All the best.

[Sherzade]

Oh no! Please go and do what you have to do.

What a nasty and unnecessary event. I suppose it's just one more to deal with. I hope you are strong and if you need some support please come around.

I too hold hope for you and your son. All the best Jim.

[58corvette]

Dear Sherzade; Thank You for your Support & Kind words. I hope all is well with you & I will also continue to try my best to Support you in any way possible.

Sincerely; Jim

[Athena]

Hi Sherzade,

I am for others. Trying to separate from my mum, as embarassing as this is for me at this age, I am faced with these feelings that are not new, of helplessness, insufficiency, dread. Near death. And it’s not the feelings that scary me the most. I know them by heart. What scares me and what makes me write here today, is that I have been in therapy for 9 years, working so very hard, and I haven’t been able to change. What is change for a bpd? I never cut, took drugs, tried suicide (although I think of it more ofetn than not)… I do have problems with preserving positive relationships, I do have problems having a mind. I do have problems being a subject. A subject with my own mind. I do have problems identifying and regulating my feelings (specially anger, rage, self hatred and guilt). I feel confused and cannot make fair judgements. I am basically afraid and tired. Tired of being tired and tired of being afraid.

I am free now to kill myself. I wasn’t before because I thought that if I died that would kill my mum.

I just came across your post and much of what you said above resonates with me. To answer the main question, "What does change mean for a bpd?" I think it is being able to internalize all the stuff you know intellectually about yourself - your inability to self-regulate, your patterns, your self-criticism. I think the main thing that stands out from your post is that you've been in therapy for 9 years. Do you feel you've made any progress? What kind of therapy are you in?

The other thing that stands out is your thoughts of death. Staying alive for others - yes - I can totally relate. In my case, its for my kids. Although recently I've discovered another motivator for myself. What if killing myself makes things WORSE? What if your soul remains in the tormented, isolated state it was in at the time of death and you can never change it for all of eternity? (that came to me in a long nightmare I had a while back, it was truly horrible, I wanted to kill myself in it to end the torment but I was already dead so I couldn't). THAT would be worse!

One more thing - I recommend reading about the Inner Critic. Darlene Lancer who wrote a blog on this site on Jan. 27th "The Dance of Intimacy" has a free report on her website - 10 Steps to Disarm the Critic. From Self Criticism to Self Esteem. You may find it helpful. It's at http://www.darlenelancer.com. I had named my Inner Critic just the week prior - The Terminator - Judge, Jury and Executioner. Very nasty critic. I have my work cut out for me. Don't think I can disarm it, but it sounds like somebody I can sneak up behind and reprogram:D. As far as I can tell, it's after a small, sad, lonely, rejected girl who stays huddled up in a ball in a dark corner. One person - her therapist - is trying to help her get out. Others try to help her - the Viper expresses her anger. Strikes first, no thinking involved. Chamelia is highly adaptable. Superwoman thought she was helping her but she turned out to be a disaster, and caused all sorts of problems. She's dead now. Summer is fun-loving, relaxed, easy going. She's great to be around. Athena is the strong wise one and is helping out quite a bit. I think that's all the players inside this human form. (Just a bunch of head games - I've heard of people giving their inner critic a name, I thought I'd go one step further and see who else was in there.)

[Lindamomof7]

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[Sherzade]

Thank you Athena and Linda for your replies. I much appreciate them.

Athena, I think that I know what you mean by “internalize” what I know intellectually. I call it ‘to embody’. I do feel that my mind and body are separate and not in communication.

I am doing psychodynamic therapy for 9 years. I have learned a lot, but mainly I have become dependent of my therapist in such a way that I can’t figure out how we are going to end. We have done a lot of work in our relationship as I didn’t trust men (or women). He has been great in the way that he uses himself in order to help me. I went through stages of psychosis, to near suicide, to deep depression, to dread, but all of this wrapped in hope and reliability.

For me change means transformation. Something that at some point is not that thing anymore but a version of it or even something different.

I don’t want to be a different person. I want to wake up and know that although my feelings change, there is a stable and reliable part in me that will support the fluidity of the motions of daily life. A sort of certainty that supports the not knowing and uncertainty of life and future.

What I long for is a structural change. Too much to ask, perhaps, but I tend to be persistent. I did want to die. To give up. But no. I picked myself up again and here I go one more time.

Suicide.

It may do things worse for some people, in my case some family and friends. I can imagine how hard it must be to think about it when one has children. I do feel for you and respect you, i must say. But I also think of it as the ultimate quest for/of freedom. I felt free last week and of course, incredibly scared. I had never been able to think about killing myself because my mum was in my thoughts like a ghost. As if by killing me I was committing a homicide and not a suicide. I know that if I stay alive now, that is for me first and foremost. I put myself first and what a frightening experience that is. I am alive, independent and free. Even free to kill myself. This has something great about it that I can’t still fully grasp.

What a nightmare Athena. It reminds me of Sisyphus a Greek king that was condemned to roll up a big stone up a hill, throw it back down and repeat this action for all eternity. So he could not as well commit suicide. A. Camus wrote a book under the title ‘the myth of Sisyphus’, in which he establishes that Sisyphus can be happy in the absurd world that was created for him.

Maybe your dream had some resonance with reality? Like living in an interminable tormented and isolated state, not really able to change it? This does resonate with my world….

Thank you very much for the link. I will look at it and perhaps even name my critics. I didn’t want to do it as I feared that by doing it I would be splitting up (even more) parts of myself that need(ed) integration. What do you think about this?

Linda, you are very welcome to jump in here and I thank you for doing so.

I am sorry that you have Bipolar and PTSD. I am sure that you too suffer quite a lot.

I wasn’t diagnosed formally, but I do identify with BPD and narcissistic PD to an extent. My therapist is a psychoanalyst and does not believe in diagnosis, although sometimes we talk about it as if I am. However he never said that I am and refuses to do so.

I am quite functional and I have never done any other therapy besides psychodynamic. My therapist doesn’t really teach me how to manage behavior or emotions. He tries it to change within the therapeutic relationship. So it takes much longer, I suppose… I do feel that i could do with some cognitive to give strategies to cope better.

I am not sure what I could do differently when I enter a crisis. I mean I know when I am not in it, but when I am in it it’s difficult. However I am getting better at testing reality and regulating my feelings. Not when I am in a full blown crisis though like last week.

What therapy do you do? And what helps you?

I am aware that I wrote a lot. I apologize to both of you. And I also thank you for your thoughts and suggestions.

All the best!

[Lindamomof7]

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[Athena]

For me change means transformation. Something that at some point is not that thing anymore but a version of it or even something different.

I don’t want to be a different person. I want to wake up and know that although my feelings change, there is a stable and reliable part in me that will support the fluidity of the motions of daily life. A sort of certainty that supports the not knowing and uncertainty of life and future.

For me, I want to be able to look in the mirror and truly know, feel and accept the person staring back at me. Right now I pretty much see a hollow shell with a hint of one of the messed up characters in it (not always the same one). In a dream last night I was looking for the small child. I found her hiding in a closet. That's who I identify with mostly, and she certainly embodies my fear, insecurity, invisibility, abandonment, profound sadness, hopelessness, smallness, insignificance, and wish to just disappear. A closet would certainly be a suitable place for all that!

I am not sure what I could do differently when I enter a crisis. I mean I know when I am not in it, but when I am in it it’s difficult. However I am getting better at testing reality and regulating my feelings. Not when I am in a full blown crisis though like last week.

What therapy do you do? And what helps you?

I am in Psychoanalysis 4x/week - My therapist says that tends to work better as you can delve into each issue in minute detail. Yah, I know that's a lot:eek:. However since I'm in a hurry, I may as well load up on sessions! I find two things help me. When I have my therapist's voice in my head, kind of like an ongoing therapy, it crowds out the bad stuff, which provides immense relief. Unfortunately that experience has stopped and I'm trying to figure out how to get it back. The second thing that helps is that he points out every conceivable instance of me "acting out" and forces me to verbalize why I did something. That can be anywhere from giving him a gift to sitting in the chair instead of the couch to why I want to be in an intimate relationship (outside). Now, when I go to take an action, I tend to think of it in those terms and ask myself why I am doing those things. If anything, it slows my bad reaction to a crisis down, but sometimes it also provides helpful insights.

I took CBT about a year ago - it helped me understand things on an intellectual level but I could not apply them. It was infuriating WATCHING myself do all the cognitive distortions and yet be powerless to change them. It is however tucked away in memory and combined with the Psychoanalysis is now starting to provide some help. I have also been reducing my exposure to negative things - be it Newspaper, violent movies, news radio, demoralizing TV shows etc and upping the positive stuff that goes in - "Awaken the Giant Within" - Tony Robbins, "The Brain that Changes Itself" - Norman Doidge, "What Happy Women Know" - I forget author, but he's associated with Canyon Ranch which I've heard good things about.

PS: I would ask your Therapist what he would suggest to speed things up. I did - we came up with a couple of ideas.

[Lindamomof7]

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[Sherzade]

It has been very hard for me to internalize my therapist (perhaps what you called, Linda, to be “registered in the subconcious”) and it is scary to think of ending therapy without having done that. I need to be sure that I memorize him, so I never lose him again. I am always afraid that I will forget him, that he ceases to exist in me.

Athena I understand what you say about the mirror and the empty shell. Good that your 4 times weekly psychoanalysis is working for you. You seem to need to experience being mirrored by a “filled” person who is able to project back to you a more accurate image of you. I so wish that you find the other person outside and that you let that person get closer to the child who looked for containment in a closet. I hope it is warm in there and safe. And I hope that someone reliable finds that little girl, hold her in his/her arms and tell her looking in her eyes: it’s going to be ok. It’s going to be ok.

My best experience in therapy has been how my therapist makes use of himself to help me. I saw him transforming, adapting… for me. And that is overwhelming. I find that I resist the “good”. The “good” feels at times like fire burning me.

It’s night where I am. I hope I sleep well and I hope you Linda and Athena are well in whatever you are doing right now.

[Lindamomof7]

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[Athena]

Athena I understand what you say about the mirror and the empty shell. Good that your 4 times weekly psychoanalysis is working for you. You seem to need to experience being mirrored by a “filled” person who is able to project back to you a more accurate image of you. I so wish that you find the other person outside and that you let that person get closer to the child who looked for containment in a closet. I hope it is warm in there and safe. And I hope that someone reliable finds that little girl, hold her in his/her arms and tell her looking in her eyes: it’s going to be ok. It’s going to be ok.

. OK, that made me cry. Definitely hit a nerve. Thank you for your kind words.

My best experience in therapy has been how my therapist makes use of himself to help me. I saw him transforming, adapting… for me. And that is overwhelming.

. I hope to experience this soon. As somebody who seems to embody BPD, I find it so isolating to throw stuff at a wall, only to have it just bounce right back. I think he is starting to get this and I am just recalling now how I seem to be having increasingly frequent dreams/visions of impenetrable walls and roadblocks. It's a paradox - psychoanalysis is supposed to help the BPD patient, yet we are considered the most difficult to treat, no doubt because of our isolation and abandonment fears. Don't get close enough and you are isolated. Too close and you will inevitably suffer abandonment! I have already experienced painful versions of both in the therapeutic relationship, which only started in October. We need to find a happy medium.

I think it's a case of getting to know and trust each other better, which probably takes a few cycles. We'll be OK as long as apathy doesn't set in, which would cause continued therapy to seem utterly pointless to me.(happened when I was in my teens in what I call a failed therapy as it left me worse off).

Nighttime for me now. Good night/good morning whatever the case may be to both of you Sherzade and Linda.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Athena,

All of us need mirroring throughout our lives. Its most important when we are young and the failure to get it from parents (due to their problems) can lead us to BPD.

However, there is lots of hope and psychoanalysis is not the only way. Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT, is another way to get help with BPD. It includes using deep meditation in the office and frequently takes place in a group setting although this does not have to be.

What do you think?

Allan

[Lindamomof7]

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[Athena]

Athena, All of us need mirroring throughout our lives. Its most important when we are young and the failure to get it from parents (due to their problems) can lead us to BPD.

I'm not sure I know what mirroring means either.

However, there is lots of hope and psychoanalysis is not the only way. Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT, is another way to get help with BPD. It includes using deep meditation in the office and frequently takes place in a group setting although this does not have to be.

I've tried so much already, including mindfulness meditation, Qi Gong meditation, CBT, plain psychotherapy and meds. The psychoanalysis is the only thing that has worked for me, however not on a sustained basis, then I sink pretty low again. I think my therapist is very skilled, however sometimes I think he plays his cards just a little too close to his chest and I am left to fill in the gaps with horrible projections. Anyway, we had a good talk about this today. Hopefully things will improve again soon.