Hope

[IrmaJean]

Don't ever lose it. It's always there, even in the darkest of darkest places if you open your heart and mind enough to see it.

Seven years ago, I was 36 years old and struggling. I had a family member with addiction, no self-esteem, and no inner strength to do anything about it. Then I made a friend, we became close, and I lost her in a traumatic (for me) fashion. I was devastated, despondent, depressed...I thought, why love anyone when there is such risk? I will just give up.

I didn't.

I made a choice to go to therapy. I found an excellent therapist who was a great match for me. We developed a therapeutic relationship that was very healing for me. I learned that I will always choose to love because that's who I am. That experience put me on the path that I still walk on today. I discovered that my heart and mind is in helping others on the path. I've been studying for 2 years now in school and have been excelling. I have a dream to one day become a therapist myself. I may or may not accomplish that dream, but I'm going to put every ounce of effort into trying. If I can...for even one person...do what my therapist did for me, it would be worth everything. I cannot thank him enough for changing the direction of my life. I am so grateful and appreciative and he will always hold a place in my heart. My Counseling Theory professor just wrote to me and told me to bypass the last assignment because I had already mastered the material and earned an A. I feel so happy and proud of myself. I can really do this.

A few days ago, I went and visited an old board that I frequented when I was feeling very down and down on myself. I did not even recognize the person (me) who was posting there. I am not that person anymore. I still struggle at times, but my self-talk is so very different now. If you treat yourself poorly, with no respect, care, and compassion, you will wither and wilt. If you are gentle, loving, nurturing, and encouraging with yourself, things will change little by little. Well at least, that's how it has worked for me. There are bumps along the path, but I'm on my way. I never lost sight of the light or the hope. I found my resilient self and now look at me. I'm the new Beth.

You can do it too. Things can change. Things can get better. You can learn to love yourself, embrace life and love. We all have the ability and the potential. I believe that.

Just sayin'...

I was feeling inspired this AM and wanted to share. Hope everyone here in our wonderful supportive community has a healing day. Much love to everyone. ♥

[Lana73]

What a beautiful post you wrote, B! You have so much love to give to others. You were the first one to welcome me here and I won't forget it.

I am so glad you are feeling happy and content and i am glad you were able to overcome so many bumps on your road. Bravo! You will make a great therapist!

Much love.

[devils daughter]

Thanks so much for sharing your story, Beth. I’ve just been here a few months and haven’t had the opportunity to get to know you well, unlike folks who have been reading your posts since you joined here.

So I really appreciate what you have written.

Hope is certainly important. Sometimes it does die – but then, maybe it’s just hope that something we wanted cannot happen? Finding a new reason to go on . . . sometimes we don’t know how to do that all by ourselves. I certainly didn’t.

But keeping on keeping on – trying not to hurt anybody, although I have failed at that sometimes, too. If there is a power greater than ourselves in the universe, then when we are open to that changes can occur and a new sense of hope can be born.

I’m very glad that you had a good therapeutic experience to begin with. When that does not happen I believe that the failed therapeutic experiences themselves can be iatrogenic for the client. As I have written before, I knew that I had to get myself well in order to try to make that case. Otherwise all that came out was rage, which no one could listen to.

I, too, have found a therapist who has been able to treat the psychological conditions that I could not help by myself. I guess I always believed in the promise of therapy. So I found it very hard and frustrating when it didn’t “work”. Due to the human limitations of the practitioners, as well as myself, but I couldn’t do anything about my own limitations except go to therapy! And also use my brain and temperament to do lots and lots of research on my own.

You wrote about hope:

It's always there, even in the darkest of darkest places if you open your heart and mind enough to see it.

For some of us, when we are in a dark place, opening our heart and mind may not be an option. The presence of accepting and understanding others, a safe social environment, may be needed first. A safe therapeutic situation is also important, but without a social environment where I felt accepted, too, then it was just an hour a week and that didn’t help very much.

I agree that Hope is there, even in the darkest of places, even if we can’t see or feel it. Keep on keeping on, doing the best we can, even when that isn’t so very good. Hope can sometimes find us.

Best wishes to you!

Edited April 14, 2012 by devil's daughter
clarification hopefully

[IrmaJean]

Hi DD. Thank you for your response and well-wishes. Thank you to you too, Lana.

Sometimes I get caught up in my positive energy and I truly enjoy expressing that. I don't ever intend to diminish or disrespect anyone's experience. I would always want to respect and listen and accept. Maybe a better way to word it would have been try not to lose sight of hope, if you can. I'm sure there were times when I had lost hope, but I was able to still believe in the potential for it. I understand sometimes that isn't possible.

Finding a new reason to go on . . . sometimes we don’t know how to do that all by ourselves. I certainly didn’t.

Yes. It is very important to learn how to take care of ourselves. I'm still working on that too. The guidance and support of others can be very helpful and necessary' date=' I agree. I have also found it helpful to feel my own energy while I'm reaching out to others. I pay attention to how I treat others and then also try to treat myself the same way. Self-compassion.

For some of us' date=' when we are in a dark place, opening our heart and mind may not be an option. The presence of accepting and understanding others, a safe social environment, may be needed first.A safe therapeutic situation is also important, but without a social environment where I felt accepted, too, then it was just an hour a week and that didn’t help very much.[/quote']

Yes, I understand what you are saying. This may be a time in therapy when a therapist could possibly hold onto hope for you until you are able to find your way to it on your own. Support. I agree this is very important at home as well, especially when you are struggling. Feelings of safety are paramount and needed to find the way to self-acceptance.

I know I was very fortunate to find a good therapist right away. I'm glad that you are working with one now who has helped you. I hope you continue on the healing path. Thank you for your thoughts. Take care.

[SweetSue]

Thanks for your post Beth

A few months ago I woulda quite happily told you there was no such thing as Hope, and then go on to explain that Hope was just a word, which had no true meaning. It's just something to cling to when the things go wrong - a falseness to make a person continue on with their life journey....

.... And that would of been the depressed sarcastic part of me talking to you.

But Im well at the moment, and have to admit that there is such a thing as Hope and it has been inspiring for me reading what you wrote this morning - so thankyou

Hope you're having a bright yellow-y day

♥{{{{Hugs Beth}}}}♥

[malign]

Hope is the thing that feels false when we have no other reason to live.

But there's no reason to believe despair, either. That could be an alternate definition of depression: starting to believe in despair. But yeah, either way it's belief.

Truth's a different thing entirely. The truth is that when things seem really bad, they're likely to get better, but they still might not. But then, after they get a little worse, again they're likely to get better but might not. And so on.

The point is that while you're alive, there's a mathematical possibility that things might get better. That goes away if you're dead.

For me, that's more hopeful than the feeling of hope itself: the knowledge that no matter how painful life is, the only way to guarantee that things will never get better is to choose death. Though I admit that both the feeling of hope and the thought are helpful. Sometimes neither one alone is enough.

But that's what has worked for me.

[IrmaJean]

It makes perfect sense that I would view this with idealistic eyes, Mark, and you would view it with concrete logic. The beauty of diversity. If it works for you then it is beautiful.

I think of "hope" as more of a concept in this particular instance. Not a specific definition perhaps, but more of what fits for the individual to keep trying.. It could even mean feeling one's own pain in the company of a supportive therapist who sits with the person. It's an idea in the mind of getting better and moving toward that. It don't think it matters how you keep on keeping on, so long as you do. Openness to potential. Probably more idealism on my part. Was hoping to inspire some positivity and perhaps offer some balance.

Take care, everyone.

[Endlessnight]

Beth, thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us. Your kindness, love, caring and inner light have always shone clearly and been a beacon of hope to so many of us. I know you will be a wonderful therapist one day. May God bless you and your family and I pray you may always be the wonderful person you are now. Much love and respect from me, M.

P.S.

The way Beth helps us by her kindness and nurturing nature, and the way Malign knocks some sense into us with his logic and matter of factness may be opposites but they are both equally needed and much appreciated. . Take care guys - (((((((hugs)))))))