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medlem
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Hi, hope everyone is feeling good today!! :)

I'm living with my ups and downs, hower NOW i believe that out there is the right treatment for every kind of problem!! From total darkness and hopelessness i start to see possibility to live this life, which i could never imagine. I'm getting possitive feelings about life

So i'm thinking about kind of activities like finding a job?

I start to feel that i could handle it and that i could try to function. But after such a long time without doing anything and without sicializing it seems unreal... I can't see myself living social life jet.

I need to work on my confidence, not sure how. And i should be much more motivated. And i'm scared too. So i need to deal with these issues now i think..

Thanks for the new website:) it's pretty cool

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Hi, Medlem! :) I was typing along and my computer decided to restart right in the middle of my response to you. :wacko: I'll try again. We're happy to have you here with us and so glad you like the new site. :)

It's wonderful that you are feeling hopeful about healing and growing. I can always hear you trying. I've been working on self-confidence too. I find that learning better self-care has helped tremendously in every aspect of my struggles. When I know that I can handle myself (emotions and response) even when things don't go perfectly, it helps me to feel more capable, which in turn gives me the belief in myself to take risks. I know change of any kind can be frightening. Small steps at a time and you'll find your way.

Are there times when you do feel confident? What things bring you joy?

Thank you for checking in, Medlem, and letting us know how you're doing. It's good to hear from you.

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Hi Ardomeda! Thanks IrmaJean!

My situation might be little tricky. I might feel very confident about what i do, too much, and it's when i'm manic. I don't want to go back on manic stage.. That's why i learn to don't put myself in that position. I have experrience with this crazy confidence thing and it does no good, as a matter of fact it's pretty damaging. I used to go deep down, with out thinking, actually, i have no idea why that's just the way it's working.

So.. i don't know what NORMALY could make me confident.

There is nothing i feel ashamed about. I can't feel confidence just like i can't feel joy or happyness often, just like i hardly enjoy anything. Even when something especially good happens, i might have no higher emotions. Then it turns on the contrary - i feel more like down because i can't gain any appropriate emotions to some situation.

What makes me unconfident is my act and behaviour i think, that i'm being so low etc. I'm afraid to put myself again in situation that i'm not ready for, it can create new issues. You just need to fit in socciety. I've been communicating and meeting different people lately, relatives - also nice ones, training coutch.. What i learned was that it's pretty obvious that i'm depressed even in those moments when i consider that i'm quite okay.. Maybe.. i don't know what, but i should find something to do in my life.

And actually it kind of hurts when people doesn't understand you reject you (in any way) and when they doesn't know YOU, but have other thoughts about what kind of person you are. Nowdays you can not even tell to nobody that your diagnose is depression, can not make no good relationship to no one. You are seen directly as an outsider.

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I think that all of us struggle from time to time and it is very sad when there is a stigma placed on our mental health. It is true that there are some people who may judge anyone who struggles with their emotional well-being. There are also compassionate and caring people in the world, medlem, who will accept you and appreciate you as the person that you are, along with any ups and downs. I personally would not view anyone with depression as an outsider; if anything I would consider their humanity along with mine. I hope that we can help each other here with support and care and that it offers all of us some comfort in facing our daily challenges. I wish you well and hope you are able to share yourself with caring friends.

Take gentle care, Medlem.

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"To love yourself" is something that you, IrmaJean, mentioned earlyer on MHN. I kind of remembered that the other day! :)

I went to fantastic concert, that was like water for my soul. wow, amazing. It was by sea side in open concerthall, luxury place. During the concert i noticed that i'm not feeling okay because i felt that it's not fair that i'm enjoying and am like on holydays while my husband is beeing tired and working. I could enjoy it only half way, if he could be there with me i wouldn't stop myself to enjoy it totally. So i felt a bit guilty and like i'm affording too much.. I feel like that like all the time actually.. Then i felt that maybe it's nice that i'm enjoying myself, maybe it makes me more confident and sparkling me, is exactly what keeps alive my relationship. But i need to learn how to relax first.

To love yourself I guess it means to start to love yourself in 1st place, then you can share love with others? To don't be so hard on yourself..? Don't blame yourself or don't beat yourself up when you have afforded somethig more than you deserve? Though it's not so right afterall..

I'm learning, understood that i've forbided myself way too much, to chill or take a break from everything and to enjoy moment for myself seemed, still seems, to be something bad. But i could atleast start. Strange. Still i'm little afraid to relax, i'm not secure i guess.. As i'm not, i don't work, i'm just spending money, it feels really bad to be honest..

But first i guess i need to learn how to love myself lol

But maybe i AM aloving myself too much!!? :o

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Medlem, I think self-love starts with self-care and self-compassion. To treat ourselves gently, with patience and care, and with less judgment, if we can. It can be challenging, that is true.

Then i felt that maybe it's nice that i'm enjoying myself' date=' maybe it makes me more confident and sparkling me, is exactly what keeps alive my relationship.[/quote']

Yes. :)

Happyness is not in stuff' date=' i should really learn it, understand it.[/quote']

What does happiness mean to you? It's okay to allow joy and good feelings, Medlem.

Take care.

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There is no excuse. Can not spend money without making it.

Hi, Medlem,

I'm in a similar situation: I'm a housewife and feel bad about spending the money of my husband. But... not as badly as you, obviously :( . I'd like to tell you, even that I know it's sometimes hard to accept, that what you feel (-quotation) is not true: You CAN spend money without making it (in case you don't spend it for a totally useless, stupid stuff :P ). You don't work yet as you've been unable to work: It's not your fault. And I guess you take care of your husband, so you spend the majority of his money for the life of both of you (and even sometimes only for him).

It's not good for anyone to make of this (your unemployment) a new cause for "beating yourself over"... It's certainly good that you're already motivated to get a job :) ! But don't push on yourself mainly because of remorses. Positive motivations are much better (although harder to find ;) )!

BTW, in my case, I even don't have such a serious cause of my unemployment, so I have a stronger "objective reason" (than you have) to feel bad about not earning money and spending them. I would probably be able to work (I hope so...), I just can't find an "appropriate" job, mostly because we're living abroad for some time and as a stranger without good knowledge of the language, I'm almost unemployable here... You know what helps me the most? The attitude of my husband. I hope your husband is supportive, too! Did you discuss these feelings about job and money with him? Maybe it could help...

Searhing for a job is a stressful time and it's always better when you don't have a serious pressure put on you (as total lack of money, ...). So... try to enjoy the fact that this pressure is not here and focus on the important (and positive) aspects of the process, not on the stress and incertitude!

Good luck!

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Hello Lala, tanks for your support!

Medlem, I think self-love starts with self-care and self-compassion. To treat ourselves gently, with patience and care, and with less judgment, if we can. It can be challenging, that is true.

It sounds very nice. But then again.. can i afford it? Both of the things? To don't think much when i'm spending my husbands money + to do what IrmaJean says, to love ourselves. I'm afraid if i relax like that then he might feel like i'm taking him for granit. Or if i let myself to relax like that, i'm afraid i can get too chill in my actions though i always have strong feelings for him. If i don't try something extra then how can he know what i feel.. Yes i can tell that, but those are just words, everybody can say that..

I'm not proud of myself as a housvife either. Doing all those things take too much of my energy.

what do you think about that..?

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I don't think that self-care and loving ourselves means doing whatever we want to, if that's what you mean. You mention that you are spending too much money. Do you feel this is excessive and that you can't control yourself while doing it? Self-care in that instance might mean reaching out and asking for help with this struggle. Self-love might mean you don't beat yourself up or judge yourself harshly for such behaviors, but rather you encourage yourself to heal and grow during the challenges Getting help for something that is causing you distress would be part of that.

I do think that words and how we talk to ourselves can have a huge effect on how we feel about ourselves. Self-critical talk and cognitive distortions can beat a person down and lead to depression. Changing the way we talk to and treat ourselves won't necessarily change problematic behaviors, but it may provide us with the care we need to work with ourselves rather than against ourselves.

Take care today, Medlem.

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