A 20-year old guy who feels on the Brink of Suicide...Help...

[Ralph]

FF and Lala, I think we each have to find our own way, and I am still learning acceptance myself, so I didn't want to suggest how aside from simply allowing ourselves to feel the emotions and let them go. This has always helped me when I feel overwhelmed which I am ashamed to admit is rather often.

Therapy can definitely help us from going down wrong paths, and this is where I see the benefit. It helps to have an objective observer to point out our own self deception and even when we are harming ourselves but don't realize it. In my case I sought therapy because I was feeling suicidal and FF if you are still feeling the way you did when you started this thread (insofar as the title says you were feeling on the brink of suicide), then I would say it's time to get help from someone qualified. Then the question arises of how to find someone qualified. In my case it was a matter of trial and error, but luckily accrediting bodies are pretty strict so if someone has a license to practice it's a good sign. Other than that I would recommend to search online for tips on how to find a good therapist. I have found the advice that overlaps from multiple sources to be reliable. You might not think therapy is affordable, but in my opinion if you are suicidal then you are literally dying of your own pain. Wouldn't it make sense in that case to spend any amount to see if it will help?

If you are not suicidal though and want to try helping yourself first, self education is always a good place to start. I have found that understanding the theory behind how emotions work to help me deal with my own emotions. However that is due to a theoretical personality on my part, which you may or may not share. Another area you could read about is the transition from childhood to adulthood. Gaining more understanding in this area may help you come to terms with what you are going through.

[LaLa]

Another area you could read about is the transition from childhood to adulthood. Gaining more understanding in this area may help you come to terms with what you are going through.

I also think that this would be a good topic to read about (much better than articles about the fact that "adults should not be friends with children" ), together with some other topics from psychology...

[LaLa]

Hello, FF,

I'm listening to this audiobook and one chapter reminded me of you. I think that such a description of a very similar relationship to children as you have might be interesting for you, so I recommend you listening to the Chapter 6 here (it's also about other "topics", but I'm sure 28 minutes aren't too much for you to "sacrifice" even so):

http://librivox.org/the-idiot-by-fyodor-dostoyevsky-part-01-and-02-translated-by-eva-m-martin/

Don't let fool (/offend just because of possible prejudices) yourself by the title of the novel!

Of course, if you like it, go ahead and listen to the full book, it's just up to you, but I really recommend this particular chapter, as "meeting" a character similar to you (with regard to children and his own partial "childishness") in literature might really be interesting and pleasant. Who knows; perhaps also somehow helpful!

Take care!

[FrenzyFire]

Hey Lala3! Was shocked when I saw that you sent me a message after so long.

Thanks for thinking of me after so long...that means a lot. You were so helpful to me, and always giving me advice and things like that.

Yeah I checked it out and it was kind of interesting. I related to some parts of the text, not all, but some. You know it's been a long time since I posted in this topic, but I was SHOCKED when I saw it's been over a year. It doesn't feel like it's been so long...that's kind of crazy.

I guess I should update, but the thing is, I'm not sure exactly what i said in here, and I'm almost embarrassed to read it...haha. When I get depressed I tend to be so open and say so many of my thoughts, that when I think back upon it, I do get sort of embarrassed.

I will say that I did never send that letter to C....I was just too nervous about how it would be seen. Part of me is happy I didn't, but part of me wishes I did. It's been a year and a half then I guess since I last saw him for that one day over the summer before this last one. Wow....that's kind of a long time. I do still miss him a lot, it's just not as overpowering a feeling as it was last year where I was so depressed and unable to cope. Now...it's duller, but I do still miss him....and I do still think about him a lot...

Two things that kind of still really get me is that...I dunno, now he's I guess 10 or maybe even 11, depending on when his birthday is. I think about how much he might have changed since that summer, and honestly even if I could see him he might feel like a different person. I dunno kids change so much over time, but I don't so much....I keep thinking we might not even get along like we did if we did see each other, or he might not like the same things he did. I might have said this in the topic, I can't remember if I did or didn't, but even when I saw him that one day a year and a half ago I was nervous like...what if he doesn't like Pokemon and Avatar anymore, what if he thinks those things are stupid or for little kids or something. I dunno, maybe that doesn't happen so fast, but it just sort of freaks me out thinking about it...even if it doesn't really matter anymore.

And the one thing I think of most, which I also might have said before but not sure, is that I just wish that like...the world was different somehow, where everybody was sorted by their mental age, not their physical age...and the lines were much more blurred between kids and teenagers and adults or whatever. I wish I could have been a regular friend with C, getting to play video games and go to each other's houses and stuff....like just hang out or whatever, I dunno...I wish he didn't just have to be some camper, or there didn't have to be some wall....I dunno....I know that's not how the world works and I understand that and I understand why, but it just doesn't feel fair....I dunno, I know on an intellectual level it is...but on an emotional level I just find it hard to deal with...especially as my actual friends change...I connect with them less as they get more and more interested in more "adult" things. I mean my best friend barely cares about video games or things like that anymore, he hasn't watched cartoons in ages which is fine, but now he stopped watching things like WWE which we had in common, and he all he wants to do is talk about girls and relationships and go out drinking and things like that....I dunno he feels so different...he talks about things that I remember fondly and says how he would never do things like that anymore...which sucks......

I dunno...I'm not really depressed anymore, and some things are going pretty good. But at the same time, things like that still sort of get to me deep down. It's less specific about C now, and more the general idea. I do still miss him, but I guess with time it got easier. Which is good. Maybe I will re-read this topic after all. I dunno.