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GUYS ANSWER: seeing ur date without makeup


Psylvia
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Ok, i have a serious problem here. I am very attractive girl, and have many admires. Recently I have gotten into a serious relatinship with a elder guy (33) and i am 19. He thinks i am pretty and he also likes me alot for my personality. For the last year he has been mentioning about marriage. Yes, he wants to marry me. But i am so inscure about my looks. I dont think i look pretty without makeup, but i am not ugly either. the worst part is that i look alot different with and without makeup.

So my question is: How would u guys react if you saw the girl u have been dating for 2 years without make up, and she was not as pretty as with. Would you still be with her or would u dump her?

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Let me flip your question around on you: how would you react if the guy you'd like to marry only wanted you for your makeup?

So maybe you're better off, whichever way he answers: if it bothers him, at least you know it before marrying him.

See, what you're really saying is that, as demonstrated by the fact that you've never let him see you without makeup before, it's your own opinion that you need it. Personally, I doubt that you really need it { I've got by my whole life without any ;-) }, but it's only your opinion that matters.

The trouble is that, having that opinion already, will you be able to hear him if he contradicts you? If he sees you without makeup and says you look fine without it, won't you keep worrying that he's just trying not to hurt your feelings or something?

Maybe you need to go after the original belief first, on your own ...

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Thanks for repyling..

I know the fact that what really matters is my own opinion, if i feel good, then it shall all be good. but sometimes its not that easy...

If i train myself to think that i am pretty without makeup, the fact that i am not will never change..

This is my big issue in life right now, he wants to marry me, but bcs of my insecurity at this point i cant marry him, the person i love. i am very afraid of 'disapointing' him..

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It's not about "training" yourself to lie to yourself about how you look. I know a lot of people view the goal of psychological help as deceiving oneself about "the truth". It's not; it's about deciding which truths matter. There are many truths ...

One way of putting it is that if he loves you, you (the person he loves) can't disappoint him. Another way to say it is that it may not matter how you look without makeup.

And in all likelihood, neither of those statements helps, at the moment. I never said it was easy.

Given that this question has got your life on hold right now, would you consider talking to a counselor of some sort?

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Hello, Psylvia,

I think that many of us have or have had a similar problem, although not related to make-up: Will the person we're in love with love us even when (s)he will know us much more deeply, less superficially than now? And each of us worries about those hidden aspects which we ourselves are not comfortable with (or even hate them). I know that I'm not adding anything really "new" here, M. already expressed "the essential", in my eyes, but I wanted just to mention that this is one of the variations of a more general and probably quite common problem. And if I perceive it in such a broader way, then I can more relate to it and tell you also that... it's one of the most powerful experiences in love when you "find out" that those things you don't like about yourself can be accepted and/or even loved by somebody else :). I wish this also to you... :)

One more thing: As you have issues concerning beauty of your body (well; face), I think I might recommend you to take a good look at this website (also read all those texts) - it's about the concept of beauty ;):

http://positiveexposure.org/about-the-program-2/

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Why hint at all? You've said that you know he wants to marry you, and you described the problem as your own insecurity. Could you just bring up the subject of marriage yourself, and tell him that you would like that? If you're going to spend your life with someone, it helps if you can just be honest with them.

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