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Does it help to write it down?


mts
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I have a lot of very bad thoughts about past mistakes, it is overwhelming me. I hurt someone. Didn't mean to. I was young and on drugs, didn't realize what I was doing. It is causing thoughts like "I should just kill myself/yourself" and so on for the last years everyday. Sometimes find myself shouting it out loud without realizing. This is "suicidal ideation"? I often think am I going mad? :( This is too difficult to say to anyone or anywhere. Does anyone know if it helps to "unload" thoughts onto a page, even though past events cannot be amended, nor can any new helpful perspective likely gained? :(

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Hello, M., I'm glad you've written and posted it. I believe it's possible to gain a new perspective. And also get rid of such intrusive thoughts. (But in this case, it's not about trying hard not to have them - you surely know the "story" about "not thinking of a white elephant" (-it has versions also with other animals).)

I know this; I also sometimes struggle with this kind of intrusive thoughts (but it was much worse in the past, now it's just slight), I'm just luckier as they go away probably a bit quickly than in your case so far. To be honest, I also do say to myself in those moments that "I should kill myself", but... I know myself already well enough to know that... these are just thoughts that come and go and I won't act upon them and I don't have to worry about them, although they are quite unpleasant and... "one shouldn't think that way". It may be the same in your case, but maybe you should first know yourself better to better understand what these thoughts mean and how much they reflect your "real" intentions, wishes, believes. Then you'll know how much to worry about them.

I have two articles that could be very interesting for you in this context. Their context is broader, but I think it might help you a bit with this problem, too.

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/07/the-brain-on-trial/308520/?single_page=true

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/03/the-war-on-reason/357561/

Good luck and take care!

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Thanks Lala,

I have given up trying to write very much about this (kept deleting replies) it just ends up negative thoughts about the future etc.

I should know myself better, but it is this self enquiry itself that leads to bad thoughts.

But you have helped me to stop thinking so black and white.

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You're welcome! Nice to "see" you again :).

I should know myself better, but it is this self enquiry itself that leads to bad thoughts.

Oh, yes... It sometimes (often?) does :(. Perhaps everybody needs to find the extent (of such thinking) that is suitable for him (/her).

I hope you feel better these days...

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hello Mts. Sorry you are feeling so bad. Writing here has helped me a lot. I think just getting it out, without actually saying it to anyone, which I always felt I couldn't do, is liberating in a way. It has also helped me to see things and understand them more clearly than I could before I started coming on these help forums. Perhaps you could give it a try and see? Take care.

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