Inadequacy personified

[somethingisreallywronghere]

I refuse to be depressed. But I am angry, and frustrated.

I am an unfortunate combination of traits that makes me unlikeable and of a lower social status.

In a world where fair skin, slender physiques and androgynous, Caucasian-like facial features are praised, I am short, stocky, chubby with tanned skin and Asian. To add insult to injury, I have a small penis which is barely 4.9 inches erect. To further salt the wound, my penis has a persistent and prominent sebaceous cyst on it.

To further twist the knife, my sister, in comparison is perfect. I would say she could be a model, if she wanted to. Also, she accepted into Imperial College, one of the best universities in the world where upon graduation, was headhunted for her p.H.D almost immediately.

I, on the other hand, was conscripted into the Army, where after two years of unwilling service, my pre-university curriculum was outdated and was forced into a 2nd rate university, where I cling to the hope that I might make it into postgraduate medicine. Unsurprisingly, my mother favors my sister and she has not been liable for her college fees, whereas, I have been forced to take out loans and scrape my way through with part time jobs. When confronted, she told me to my face that "girls need more help."

In social situations, I always seem to be ignored. In friendship, or romance, I always seem to the the background extras, to other people playing the starring roles. I note with some envy, that these people seem to be good looking, rich or some unholy combination of both. At 24, I am still a virgin - I will not degrade myself by hiring a whore - but the temptation is constantly looming.

I dislike almost everything I watch, or read. Especially those shitty japanese animations where the protagonists seem to have everything seved up to them on a silver platter - the esteem, and affections of multiple girls. Adventure. Gratitude. And I rage impotently, because I cannot risk my education for some irrational anger. I do not have charisma, looks, money or connections. All I can rely on is my education.

But still, I fear I will amount to nothing in life.

Is this a valid concern, of shall I stop being a whiny bitch?

[Victimorthecrime]

What army were you conscripted into? I did not know that still happened.

I disagree that Caucasion features are prized, quite to the contrary they are despised. Just my take on it.

Sadly we are essentially alone in this world. It is up to each of us to stick up for ourselves.

Try to find things you enjoy & something you are good at & stick a that is my advise.

[LaLa]

Hello, S., welcome!

There's no doubt your concerns are valid. Yet, that doesn't mean that it is probable that you "will amount to nothing in life", it just means that you have reasons to feel like you feel and it would be much better to address the reasons than dismiss your concerns and seeing their expression as "a manifestation of being whiny, week, ..." Exploring your attitudes, possible misconceptions of some of your traits and some social norms and human relationships, ... may lead to some beneficial changes which would increase your chances to be successful and, mainly, not so dissatisfied with yourself and your life.

Have you considered counselling, therapy, or perhaps couching?

Good luck and keep posting!

Edited May 6, 2014 by LaLa
added something

[malign]

It's interesting how you front-loaded that: now, anyone who might reassure you that you have even the tiniest chance of amounting to something is effectively accusing you of being "a whiny bitch" at the same time ...

I guess I can only ask you, which do you want me to do?

Well, I'm brave. I can say that while I don't think it makes you whiny to worry about how your life will turn out, I also don't think much of the word "inadequacy". Inadequate to do what? What is it that you want out of life that the chance of not being a doctor would make impossible? A fair number of unattractive non-doctors have managed to be happy in their lives (Take me as an example. I was a virgin at forty. And while not Asian, I wouldn't call my features androgynous.)

In fact, I might suggest that the idea of inadequacy itself makes the most difference. If you go into a situation believing you're inadequate, you're going to behave as if you're inadequate, people are going to respond to that, and you're left feeling even more inadequate. What if you're entirely "adequate"? Not perfect, not handed anything on a silver platter, just ... you.

[LaLa]

In fact, I might suggest that the idea of inadequacy itself makes the most difference. If you go into a situation believing you're inadequate, you're going to behave as if you're inadequate, people are going to respond to that, and you're left feeling even more inadequate. What if you're entirely "adequate"? Not perfect, not handed anything on a silver platter, just ... you.

I can relate to this - not only because I've read about many people who self-sabbotage like this, but also because I used to do the same myself. The way you perceive yourself influences significantly how you behave and how others see you. Now; how to change it? I used to believe it was impossible for me - like "how could I see myself differently? It would be just lying, pretending I'm better than I am!" etc. In my case, a good psychotherapy (/ psychotherapeutical relationship) helped me a lot (although I'm not "entirely changed" and some of the problems came back after some years, but... it's still better than it used to be and... moreover; I understand much better what's going on when I'm feeling bad about myself - that, for instance, it's not as much about "me being bad" as it's about "me thinking in a "wrong way"").

So, I believe it's possible also for you, although perhaps you won't need a therapy to accomplish it (?). In any case, there's something you'll need for sure: determination, willingness to know yourself much better and change, ... I think it's always a hard work but it's worth not to give it up.

[somethingisreallywronghere]

Thanks, guys. I guess I just needed to vent.

Still, what must I do to overcome these useless negative emotions?

[malign]

It's a very modern idea, that any emotions are useless and simply need to be overcome.

Our emotions are signals to us that something is wrong, just like our physical senses, only warning us of things in our internal world rather than the outside world. Our internal world is just as important, and let's face it, similarly somewhat out of our control. We have an unconscious and always will, an area that's outside of our conscious control. It's there to balance our conscious attitude, so it pays to listen to it or risk becoming "unbalanced", at least to some extent.

So, what might the negative emotions you're feeling mean? Feeling bad about yourself might be a sign that your conscious attitude is setting too high a standard. Your anger at the unequal treatment from your mother may need to be accepted rather than overcome; it may be justified. After all, our parents are flawed human beings like all the others, really. Perhaps your anger is telling you not to accept something as true just because she says so.

And so on. Certainly, don't accept my suggestions as if I had any knowledge. Propose and examine your own suggestions, and decide what they mean for your life in a positive sense. Because calling an emotion negative holds it to a standard of how a person is "supposed to" feel, and emotions don't necessarily abide by standards. But that doesn't mean they're not there to help you; sometimes it means they're trying to help us when we don't think we need help.

[caninoespacial]

I am short, stocky, chubby with tanned skin and i have a small penis too. I am south american and i watched japanese animes when i was a child. i understand all that stuff, I have acne tissues and when i look to the beauty model that is spread in the midia my heart gets hurt. In fact, this feeling of being the second character in someone's story of success, is very hard. All i see is people totally different from me being admired and respected. These standards leave no trace of hope for someone who is not so lucky.

[LaLa]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0daM97RT0k