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I always have the most difficult time coping with angry feelings. I'm sorry you're going through this, mts. :( Do you have anyone you can share your struggle with? Are you in therapy? The support could be helpful and you could possibly learn some new methods to both understand and manage your feelings.

You mentioned anxiety. Does anything help to relieve those feelings? Exercise, connecting with nature, listening to music, reading, meditation, deep breathing?

Wishing you well, mts.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Walked 3-4 miles out into some field in the middle of nowhere this evening, just fields and trees, and a road with cars in the distance. Nothing but a red sunset and landscape all around. I can hear barking from really far away, some house has a lot of dogs. Decided I would try to shout some affirmations, at first my voice wouldn't come out, just a squeak. I'm just used to living in silence with the humming of the computer...

I'm so embarrassed someone will hear me, that I cover my ears after I shouted, like when you're little and you cover your eyes, and think noone will see you...

Saw a couple on the way back that asked me directions. She gave me the "look". I can't remember the last time someone looked at me like a human being.


Why Am i Still here? Deformed peice of shit.

Angry, hateful....

are you sure you're not just paranoid or negative?

i mean i can understand if some people looked at you in a bad way,but everyone? come on,unless there's something really serious with your appearance,it just doesn't add up.

i don't mean to dismiss your views or feelings;just challenging you.

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I hate it when you plan something that should be fun and it all goes to hell on you. I sometimes feel like god or some unseen force has a cap on me, like there is a strict limit on good times or good things happening to me.

I hope thing get better for you mts.

actually victim,you're not that off,just don't ask me what i mean.

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Wow, that is some list! :o Some things are not just said and then easily done, though. It could require some difficult work. I see some that are true for me and some I could definitely work on. Maybe you might take a few of these that feel important to you and make a goal of them? Maybe too you might see some that already fit and let yourself feel the affirmation? Looking at this entire list at once could overwhelm anyone, though, I think...

Take care, mts.

Edited by IrmaJean
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I was thinking of recording my own affirmations, I mean some of these ones are stretching it a bit: "The voice inside my head is always positive and encouraging." Hahaha, that makes me laugh!

Recording your own using your own voice sounds like a great idea. I agree that particular affirmation is probably a bit of a stretch for most of us. I do think it's good to stay aware of our inner voices, though. Awareness can help to get some distance from a negative critical voice; it seems to help me when mine starts to wreak havoc with my inner thoughts. It can be tough to cope when we become entrenched within such painful feelings.

...Use "maybe", "possibly", "perhaps" ...

It's easy to get caught up in black and white thinking at times, but that can keep us stuck, I think. "Possibly", "maybe", and "perhaps" keeps us open to the possibilities and to change, which is great.

Some affirmations I'm going to read today are from the Cbt book as well:

"I accept who I am"

"I accept what's happening in my life and have decided not to fight it"

I like those. I may use them myself today, thanks. I think a lot of us have difficulty with talking kindly to ourselves; it feels awkward and uncomfortable at first. It does get easier with practice, though, I have found.

Wishing you well, mts.

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I may not even have a home much longer the way things are going. The system is against me now, it keeps sending me threatening letters and so on. I hate this country.

Being homeless might actually be less stressful than my current life, just sit around reading all day while people drop pennies into my hat. What's not to like?

i'm so sorry mts,i really hope your situation improves,and gets sorted out the best way possible.

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