And pseudome, incase you are reading this........ which you possibly will at some point, "wonders now if you get off on causing so much pain" so ...."if ya do - then well enjoy, coz im not enjoying this AT ALL!!!"

this is "WHY" i am hurting so bloody much because of what you have done.

you seemed so genuine so real - my heart truely went out to you.

you lost your moma, when you were 5. you were an only child. your uncle raped you regulary, you were so hurt when you were a little boy. then as a adult, you suffered with severe flashbacks from what happened to you, and all the pain you had endured over the years. you self injured. you and your girlfriend split up. you were in crisis. desperate for help but too afraid to ask for it. and to top it all your girlfriend left you because she couldnt deal with watching s/i. then a few months later, she tells you she is pregnant expecting your first child.

and thats just off the top off my head.

IT WAS ALL LIES.

I was sexually/physically/emotionally abused as a child, over many many years. too afraid to ask for help, too embarrased to tell anyone what was going on, too scared that if i told someone they would not believe me, or worse still tell my parents i had told on them and then my papa would have killed me. A very real situation to grow up in, extremely painful.

ITS LIARS LIKE YOU, THAT MAKE IT EVEN MORE DIFFICULT FOR GENUINE VICTIMS TO SEEK HELP - THROUGH FEAR THAT THAT THEY WONT BE BELIEVED.

I DO suffer with severe flashbacks. They are extremely frightening. Its so harsh being thrown back in time, to a time I would much rather forget - if I had a choice. Its a awful, awful trick my mind plays on me. Coz at the time I genuinely believe I am a child again, and really bad stuff is happening, I cant stop it.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MAD I AM WITH YOU FOR LYING ABOUT THIS. YOU TOOK THE PISS OUT OF WHAT I AM ACTUALLY TRYING TO LIVE THROUGH !!! :mad:

you were my friend, more than that - you were my litttle bro. you used me, betrayed my trust,

i feel like you have stabbed me in the back.

Alledgidly you are [name deleted by LaLa]- supposedly. a woman, with three children and a husband. you are not Zach, you are not my little brother, and you dont feel like a friend to me. a friend would not of done this.

Just a little comment:

It's hard for me to imagine that somebody can be as much uncomprehending as some members here. However, it is a very good explanation of their problems: They see the world in such a distorted way that they are constantly hurt by this image of the world they percieve - and so they are suffering so much [i know that this all was caused, in the majority of cases, by their terrible childhood experiences! I know it cannot be changed easily. But I believe it can be at least modified in time...].

Yes, I'm also talking about you, Sue . For me, the revelation of pseudome's idenity was just a little unexpected shift, just another information about this suffering, carring, intelligent, friendly, etc. etc. human being I like so much and care about. In your eyes, it was a terrible betrayal. In my opinion, it's just the matter of the eyes... I wish you so much to acquire somehow the ability to look differently on the world. This would make your life so much less insupportable...

OK then - fine.

everyone is entitled to their oppinion.

but ya know what - idgaf whos eyes sees what.

i can only see through my own -

and that, that is just the way it is.

honestly - i couldnt give a flying duck.

........and then there it was.

REALITY finally hit her - smack in the face - whoopy !!!

LETS ALL feel sorry such a caring, intelligent, friendly etc, etc human being.

coz obviously when you are caring, intelligent, friendly etc,,,, its perfectly aceptable to lie and deceave comtinuosly about everything, to all of your so called friends. and take them all for fools. not just once but everyday.

See now thats where ive been going wrong.

thanks so much - really - its been a pleasure - i shall look forward to being conned like this from now on.

anyone gotten some glasses - apparently i dont see too good. must need different coloured spectacles. that would make things so much better. maybe rose coloured glasses - how erm rosey

seriously - come on now - sheeze

hey sue... I think, you see the world as you should. I don't understand the above comment or why she would say that. You were hurt and you should be angry. Don't try to see differently, you are seeing it as it is and not trying to pretty it up.

Sorry, but I totally understand Sue's reaction as I would feel the same way. Everyone is different and those who were directly affected by this situation should be allowed to express their feelings. I would also ask for all of you to try not to insult Pseudome (cursing, name calling). I am just sad to see the way our site is functioning right now. VERY SAD.....

I totally agree with Lana. Sue, as does everyone else, has a right to be downright pissed. Pseud affected us all in different ways, and according to our own personal situations, we're going to react very differently. For someone who actually lived through a very similar situation that pseud had claimed to... well I can only imagine the hurt.

It's strange that some of you have the idea that I think somebody "doesn't have right to feel this or that" or that "they are crazy when they feel like that" (-this in particular was not on this blog), ...

I'm "going out of this topic", also on this blog, as I cannot bring anything useful.

I hope you all will soon find a little peace of mind...

thankyou for your kindness and understanding star, Lana, and MM. I apprieciate all you have helped me with.

LaLa, the thing is this....................

peace of mind ........ isnt going to happen all the time things are swept under the carpet.

Everyone has the right to freedom of speech. I am speaking my mind. Not everyone is going to like it. That is a individuals choice.

I am not name calling - though believe me I want too. I am not insulting another member - though I could do very easily, as I am hurt and very upset. I am only speaking the truth. As I rationally see it. I am not allowing my emotions free speech, as to how my heart feels.

It doesnt bother me one way or another, whether you choose to read or comment on my blog.

As this is my blog and my words that express my feelings which are true to me.

have a pleasant day all.

And once again thanks to those who tried to understand how I am feeling - I truely apprieciate it.

Take care