Luna-

I did! I did! Not without a lot of worrying myself silly, but in the end, I passed. And then went a bought myself a dress, to celebrate. I have bought an old car (it has a tape deck!) and can only take the practical test in August, so I can practise a lot more. More confident now. How are you doing, Finding?

Thank you SweetSue and OnlyHuman! How are you both doing? I'm having to retake my driver's test, both theory and practical, as Denmark does not recognise my South African licence. It's dreadful! How can they expect one to do this at 54?? Plus I'm having to learn to drive on the WRONG side of the road, with the controls on the WRONG side of me. I'm a nervous wreck and have to keep reminding myself that I did this before and WILL eventually be able to do it again.

Thank you, Beth, Finding and sedsed It's good to hear from you, too. I hope you are all doing well...

Helllooooo. Just a brief visit (I think, at least that's the plan for now). How is everyone??? I am well, truly well. For about 3 years now. No episodes, no symptoms! Faithfully taking my meds - no ways am I going to risk destroying my stability and good life. Swallowing a few pills 3 times a day is easy-peasy when it means I can have my life in return. I packed up and sold my house, car and most worldly possessions and moved my life in South Africa back to my home country, Denmark. I've been away 43 years. I absolutely love it here. Plus I brought my cat with me and she now miaows in Danish. Let me hear your news? Luna

Yllka, can you perhaps explain why you titled your post "Pre Depression"?

What you are feeling is SO, SO understandable. Some time ago I used to have the following quotation in my signature: "Then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin I think that day will come for you, when your loneliness gives you greater pain than the suspicion about people's motives. It *will* take some risk, but you can take it in small steps. Eventually a person who is repeatably friendly towards you will give you confidence that they aren't going to exploit you.

One day all those cats will come together as one and rise up against us in indignant revenge. It'll be a catopolypse.

Hey Donna! Nice to see you again. Your lack of trust is so understandable but I hear you about wanting to regain it. Are you in the same city as him? I don't know if this will work for you, and it is drastic, but there are people who move to a different part of the country and even change their name. That gives them a new start in feeling safe about giving out their name to potential friends. Have you read the book "Women who love too much"?

Yeah, but Louis, if you go around fearing you will relapse, you will look for signs of it happening, when they are perhaps only normal dips. Why not rather enjoy the wellness you have now? The relapse may not come for a long time, it may be treatable with a small tweak of meds, it might not be anywhere as bad as before. There are so many ifs and maybes, you could waste many good years, looking for relapse.

Yes, I guess it must be a shock. It's called, among patients, "poop-out". Many doctors don't believe it happens. You've probably found one who has seen it happen. It may be related to some mechanism whereby the body develops resistance to the drug, but that is only one theory. Another is that the body changes over time, as does the illness so that what worked for some time, has to change. That's the gloomy part. But this doesn't happen to everyone. Many people are on one med for decades and they never poop out. The other thing is that there are enough meds out there (and more being developed all the time) that your chances of finding quite a few for you are good. When taking combinations, they interact with each other so the same drug may behave differently with other combinations, so there are more possibilities there too. Are you in therapy? Meds AND therapy are like 1+1=3. CBT is one technique that has been proved in clinical trials. Once you are in remission, enjoy that time without worrying about how long it will last. It may last many years. If it fails, there'll always be something else down the line.

How exciting!

The llama doesn't seem in the least bit concerned - look, he's smiling!!