Waiting,

I think you said you are a business analyst and that you work with computers, am I right? What kind of industries would that kind of work apply to? Large, medium or small sized businesses? Maybe you could tell me a little more and I can try to help.

Thanks Athena. I really appreciate your help.

I am a Business Analyst in IT (Information Technology). Basically that means I talk to people who want / need a computer system and understand what they need and document it and then convey that to the programmers. Most companies other than very small ones would use business analysts either directly or via consultants. Generally the issue is what experience they have.

How are things lately, Waiting?

Hi,

Well I have thrown myself into online dating and for a while it did wonders for me. Now it is beginning to fail and it is giving me ess hope and I am thinking more and more about my x-girlfriend.

It's good that you are finally able to move on. It's too bad your Internet dating experience isn't so great though. It may simply take some practice. I was on a site today for single parents and the topic was online dating. One hilarious thread was on the topic of somebody's ex being matched up with them! She knows, he doesn't. And she's caught him in so many lies already. The temptation for her to have some fun with this is not lost on us.

If you're comfortable saying, where are things going wrong on the dating site? Maybe we can offer some suggestions.

Hi Athena,

As always I am very comfortable talking about anything.

Many there are two issues. The biggest is scammers. I have been targeted by so many scammers it isn't funny. Second is just no luck. I realize I am being unreasonable, but reason has nothing to do with it. It is just the emotional impact of it seeming another thing I am powerless in.

There are a bunch of articles on how to protect yourself from scammers. The one I just read cites match.Com and eharmony as among the more secure sites due to their better technology. In general, I've heard good success stories from eharmony and mostly bad ones from match.com. Most of the comments were from women though.

As to stuff just not working out for other reasons, have you considered that you just might not be quite ready? It sounds like you still have some unfinished business with your last two relationships. I've found that "not having my freedom" yet from my ex has caused some major problems for me in a recent relationship. I'm still suffering from the fallout. Not to mention the sheepish feeling I get when I tell my therapist what happened, especially in light of the fact that he told me I was not ready.

Hi Athena, I know how to spot scammers and deal with them. It is more that that is all that seems to be out there. I am only dealing with free sites as I have no money.

I have considered I may not be ready. Not sure I will ever be until I do it. There is nothing left from my marriage, that I know. With my girlfriend it is a whole different situation. I can either suffer or try this. When I try this I am better than the plain suffering for now. If I find the right person I am sure I will be fine. art of the issue is no one responds and at some point I need to discuss my past. It is a very tricky past to disclose and it is all tied together so can't really just let is slide, not to mention I hate lying. It seems to simply be becoming an extension of everything else in my life.

I don't think you need to disclose the tricky parts of your past right up front. If you can leave it until a face to face meeting (not the first one), I don't think anybody would blame you. I think they would get that some things may just be better off discussed in person. Everybody has stuff from their past that they don't want to put out there right away.

As to the cost: they don't seem that expensive to me and it looks like you can sign up for as little as three months. I think this may be a case of 'you get what you pay for'. Perhaps you could cancel cable TV for a while as a trade off?

I will try to disclose things later.

I actually don't think it is worth the money and my cable has been canceled from not long after the charges along with kids allowances etc. I'll stick with the freebies for now. The scammers are easy to avoid and somewhat entertaining. Initially they gave me some false hoe is all. Now I seem to be back to hopelss but still going though the motions.

Well, at least it is a distraction. Maybe you could just have some fun with it, not take it too seriously.

Working on that. The problem is if I don't take it seriously then I don't think I will meet someone then I am back thinking about what I have lost and being depressed.

Trying to find the balance. Just not sure where it is.

Hello, Waiting! Nice to hear you're moving on ! I wish you to find the balance soon!

Thanks LaLa,

I am trying. If I stop trying the feelings are all still there. I still long for what we had and I still love her. I still want her back so much.

I seek something as strong as what we had. I am afraid I will never find it. I am afraid I will end up lonely or in a relationship like I was in with my wife.

I have tasted perfection and now am afraid that I will never find it again and so will be lonely and lost forever.

I used to be able to be happy on my own and I imagine i i will be able to do that again someday. The thing is I had never experienced what I have now. Not sure I can achieve that again having experienced it. I long for it.

I guess I need to blog again.