sue, thinking of you. you do so much to help others here because you are kind caring and strong. can you find a way to turn that to yourself. you are important to me... stay safe

Thankyou big sis, Mary and Beth

I'm sorry

Cant stop screwing up, its pathetic really, but then I dont think I truely want to stop messing up either - things are harsh enough, if I stop screwing up then they will just get harsher. I wont be able to handle that at all. Im not strong enough for it anymore.

Tempting fate to come my way an just hurry up with it all, caught myself actually bargaining with fate today - kinda really sad (pathetically so) and yet looking back its kinda funny.... Suppose atleast I havnt started making deals with the devil yet, though if Im truthful its in my cards to do so.

But hey its all gonna 'be ok', coz just like sis would say'be ok', if I could just believe that still.

So maybe I should say, its gonna be fine, coz Im fine, and everything is fine, and all is going to be fine. Fine

I'm thinking of you, Sue. I hope today is a better day.