Thanks for checking in, Ralph. And thanks for getting help for you. I'm so sorry for this pain :( In times of crisis we can have a very strong manager part that wants to "handle" the situation, get it under control. Suicide can seem so logical to this part as a way to stop pain. Thank you for allowing others into your need. Manager part, you have struggled so long and tried so hard. We can relate, because we have manager parts too that want all problems over with. The manager carries a heavy burden. Having compassion for him can be very real help.

Ralph, I'm sorry you're struggling so much. It's good you reached out for help. Sitting here with you.

Wild Geese

by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --

over and over announcing your place

in the family of things.

Finding, beautiful poem. Very soothing and yet realistic, and exactly the opposite of my thinking over the past week.

I'm doing better now, still having some hangover effects from the suicidality but worked out a plan with my psychologist and I have the support of great friends.

Thanks for letting us know, Ralph!

You might find some things in common with the poet Mary Oliver...

Wishing you well in the next few days!