Ok thanks, Sweet dreams

I see you're off of the work thing but I just wanted to say, I don't know that I'm "allowed" to tell people to behave like adults, it's just fun to do, they just get angrier. And when you have someone screaming and cursing at you while you calmly tell them you'd be happy to assist them, how can anyone suggest you've done anything wrong? Your only demand is to be spoken to with respect, without being cursed at, completely reasonable, the screaming idiot in the hall on the other hand, completely unreasonable. You can't lose. Oh yeah, there's not really a class, but our old administrator always did say, once they curse, you got them, and I agree.

I'm gonna try that next time:D I got all the nice customers today for a change!

I feel sad tonight. I feel like a big failure. I'm tired of stupid life and being stupid me. There's no point to it all. If I fell off the face of the earth noone would even notice. I hate being invisible. I don't want to feel alone anymore

Did something happen Invisible, to make you feel so bad?

I often struggle with that feeling that everything is pointless, there is no reason to be here, basically hopelessness. But when that happens I just try to get through the day until bedtime, when I can finally relax. Even though the feelings are quite intense and very depressing, I still know that there are moments that I don't feel that way, and whatever I do, I always try to remember not to lose all hope, I will just tell myself that it can't always be like this, things can change, it has happened for other people. You're still young, there's too much time and opportunity left for you to give up, just survive for now, and hang on to the hope that there is a better future for you.

What is interesting to me is how you are upset thinking that noone would care if you fell off the face of the earth and that you don't want to be invisible, while I am here thinking the opposite, I wish I could fall off the face of the earth and have noone notice, I wish I could be more invisible. Funny how the grass is always greener.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I just feel empty and numb. I thought I'd be able to sleep it off but it's still here. Last night I couldn't stop crying for ages. I really don't want to be here any more. Maybe my time's nearly up. I am hopeless. Since I first came on this site everyone has been giving me great advice on how to make myself feel better but even that hasn't worked on me because I'm unhelpable. I'm never going to get better so what's the point in sticking around any longer? I don't want a future like this. I now that I'll never be able to get rid of that feeling inside of me that something is missing. Everything I do is wrong.

Oh no! Did Dar put you in this mood?! Sweetie, you need to be in a more positive environment. Mark, our site administrator, says we discover who we are in relationships. If the relationships, especially your family, are negative, that is a disaster!

You are set to change environments in the fall. Your challenge is making it until then. You are basing all reality on how bad you feel right now, and that has got to be so painful and hopeless:(.

When I am lost and hopeless I have to do a vision quest or something like that. Hard to recommend to another, because it is so personal and spiritual. There really is more to life than the mode you are trapped in; it's a matter of negotiating with yourself a way to get there. If you loop around in the same thoughts, you will stay trapped, and your bad feelings will sap your courage and resourcefulness. Can you see the negative circle of thinking you are bound in?

Here's what Mark says in the CBT thread:

"Sometimes you're just going to get your buttons pushed and you will feel crappy. And when you feel crappy your brain - which tries to make sense out of things - will try to find a "reason" for why you feel that way, and you will find it easy to believe that the reason you feel bad is because you are bad."

"....You can learn how to get better at stepping back from the feelings and watching them rather than simply being defined by them and embedded inside them. The method for learning how to do this is - more or less - various forms of meditation. If you can separate yourself from your feeling just a little bit it becomes much easier to tolerate the feeling, and it passes quicker too because you struggle against it less.”

And the CBT part is working on the thoughts (false beliefs) that keep you stuck.

This is subtle, but don't disregard it. It is very powerful!!! It makes more sense when you get into it, and most of us need some help to get into it, because it's natural to resist change:o.

No I like Dar. I don't think moving out and going to college is going to change how I feel. I feel like this even when I'm not at home. Anyway I mightn't be going to college anymore. There's no point. Yeah I can see the negative circle but there's no way out of my circle. Nothing works for me so I'll just stay like this forever, I'm never getting out of bed ever again. I'm sorry.

Hi Invisible. What are you doing today? Do you have to work today?

hi smallstar, I'm supposed to have work tonight but I'm not going. I'm staying in bed forever.

oh, I know invisible, I am so sorry that you're feeling so bad. But I was just thinking that even though it feels like you really don't want to do it, maybe you could get up and go out, force yourself to do something. I really think it will help.

Well, I'll probably be made go to work anyway. You're probably right but I have no energy right now. How are you today?

oh I'm okay, I'm just me. Sometimes even though I want to just stay in bed and feel like I'm so tired but it's staying in bed that makes me feel worse and more tired and like not moving. Do I make sense?

Yeah you're right. but there's nothing for me to do if I get up anyway. If I get up I know someone will say something to make me feel even worse than I already feel and I can't handle that right now. I'm safer in bed.

Can you watch this from bed? You'll have to paste it into your address bar I think.

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight.html

It’s 20 minutes…. so worth it

My computer will only play the first few seconds of it and then it stops loading.

oh I understand that invisible, I have a hard time leaving my room too, it's just easier to stay there. I just thought maybe you could leave your house for a little bit, get away from that atmosphere.

Well, I suppose I probably will go to work later..but I dunno if that will make me feel better or worse.

yeah, I guess it depends on how your customers are today. I hope you get the happy ones again! Nothing is worse than dealing with cranky people when you're already so down yourself

Well, I only have to work 3 hours tonight so I probably won't be on the tills. That means I can just float around in my own little world! When is your next therapy session?

tonight

Right after work, I get off at 4:30 than I have to pretty much go straight there, I don't have time to go home first, which is fine.

Yeah, it must be fun to get paid to float around in your own little world! Hmm, unless your own little world is still not feeling so good tonight.

But at least you were able to look at the positive, no tills!

I'm starting to feel a little better. I got out of bed for a few minutes! My sister wants me to play mario cart with her... I hate that game. She always wins me.. I think I'll probably be ok in work because I love all my work people.

Are you glad you started therapy? I kinda wish I could get help like that aswel.

Yeah, I'm glad I started, you know it is something that I find difficult but I am hoping it is worth it. You could get help invisible. Why don't you think you can?

I can't when I'm living at home because I don't want anyone to know about how I feel. Plus I don't have enough money and I can't drive. and I'm not brave enough. not yet anyway. Even if I did find a way of going I'd be scared that it wouldn't work on me and then I'd definitely be unhelpable..