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Throwing a tantrum...


Blossom

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I feel really really exhausted. I don't know why but I can't seem to sleep anymore.. I just lie awake in bed all night and then I'm always wrecked the next day. Then I had to be up for work at 9 this morning and I was so tired that I had to drink lots and lots of coffee to keep me awake. I feel really angry aswel. It feels like all the anger is gathering up inside me and I'm going to explode because I'm so tired.. It's like there's a storm inside of me. I think I'm gonna cry. and my head hurts really bad too. and now I have to go to a stupid house party so there'll be no sleep for me tonight either. *sigh* I can't function anymore.:mad:

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It's ok! I'm home from the party now and Imaybe I drank to much. I feel very happy!!!:(:):o OH, my head is spinning. Maybe I'll be able to sleep! I had to go because Ipromised my friend i Would aaaages ago. There's still anger inside me though. But it's not as stormy anymore!

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well at least you had a good time. And yeah, you should sleep well tonight! I think I may have caught some of your insomnia, couldn't sleep for anything last night, which is odd for me, if there's one thing I can do well, it's sleeping!

I hope you wake up less angry and not hung over :(

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Star, I hope you got some sleep after..? Maybe it's because you were upset over the whole therapy thing. Anyway, I hope you feel a little better today.

I slept!!!!!!!!! but now I feel worse than ever. I'm still really angry. I wish I could go back to bed and stay there forever and ever...I'm so fed up of this life. My head is not right. My friend came back to mine after the party last night and stayed the night so she's still here and my mother keeps sucking up to her and telling her how wonderful she is blah blah blah. and then when I try to enter the conversation she puts me down and says stuff that makes me seem stupid. Everything I say is apparently wrong!!! Now I'm in my room sulking on my own while they have their little heart to heart in the kitchen and I feel like crying again but I can't because then I really will look stupid. This is why I hardly ever ask my friends over. The same thing always happens and I end up feeling like this. I don't understand how she is able to make such an effort with other people but not with me. Maybe I'm jealous even though I hate jealousy...It's stupid. Then, whenever my friend goes home I know I'll have to listen to "her" all day telling me how great all my friends are and asking me why I can't be as good a person as they are. She always does this. Why does she hate me so much? I don't know what I've done wrong. I feel like a lost cause and I don't have the will to live anymore.. I wish I could fly away for real and start my own life right now. If I could, I don't think I'd ever come back here. I can't wait for college. It's too far away. I can't get rid of this feeling. :(:confused::mad:

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ouch :(

I'm alright, stuck with my parents, I have three different birthday parties today and I really really don't want to go to any of them. One is done and now I'm on my way to the next, stuck in the car with my parents, which is the worst possible place to be stuck. When I'm in the car I can't escape him.

Anyway, I hope your day gets better and your headache goes away.

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I hate car journeys wit my parents aswel, especially with my mother. it's awful. Do you have an ipod or anything with you? I always plug in my earphones to block everything out in the car. Thanks Star, I hope your day starts to get better soon aswel! I think I'm gonna take a nap now, just to pass some time!:(

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Hey you guys, I'm so sorry things are so sucky right now!!:) Pardon me for getting analytic, but how do you think your parents really feel about themselves? My mother would treat me poorly because I reminded her too much of herself as a child in a childhood filled with terrible feelings. She seemed unconscious about all that and would identify with the agressor, treating me as the inferior being. People do that so they don't have to feel those vulnerable feelings. It's very primitive. If you stay on top, dominating the situation, you don't have to feel the bad stuff>>> that's the strategy anyway. And if some bad feelings start to creep in then you've got to find something to pick on and someone to yell at, or just someone to feel superior to so you feel dominate and "better" again. What a sucky way to live!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:(

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Yes, I vote that my friends should not be allowed to have crappy weekends, because I can't be around to help out. All in favor? :-)

Ah, the urge to run away ...

I remember leaving my wife one evening, after an argument, of course, and starting to walk. She later asked me where I had intended to go, and I just said, "West". That's about all I had in mind. I had all my clothes on (this time), but no money or credit cards, and it was rather late in the year for a night outside. I walked until midnight, before giving up in despair and walking "home". I later calculated that I walked about fifteen miles that night.

Moral: kids, don't do this at home! :-)

I just wanted you both, smallstar and Invisible, to know that I do understand what you're saying. And it doesn't mean you can't use this urge in productive ways.

If it inspires you to make a workable plan to leave, that's one useful direction. I know it probably seems impossible to you to leave your parents; maybe something less drastic will work. But it can be done, if it has to be. (I have a tendency to write in passive voice sometimes, so I'll say that a different way:) You can do it, if you have to.

The other useful thing that happened, for you, star, was to identify a place you'd like to go, inside of you. Everybody has heard by now of that strange-sounding suggestion, "Go to your Happy Place." Sounds a bit goofy, doesn't it? (Sorry, finding's gonna hurt me for that.)

But I agree with her, really, it's not goofy. Whether we picture it as an actual place, or not, everyone has a place they go where they can hide from the world if they need to. I would tend to suggest that anyone who doesn't have such a place, has already gone insane in an attempt to find one.

Again, I'm sorry you guys are having such a hard time. For whatever good it might do, remember that there are people out here who don't agree with the ... bullcrap, shall we say? ... that people are trying to feed you on a daily basis.

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In what way?

Is it a, seeing your lunch again, kind of way?

Or a, beat on your pillow until it cries uncle, kind of way?

Is it bigger than a bread box?

Do you get the idea that we need your help in order to help you yet, or should I go on being silly? :-P

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Well, if it were that simple, you wouldn't be feeling bad. :-)

That's my way of saying, I don't believe it. And that's just the polite way of saying it; what went through my mind was shorter and ruder.

How about your side of this story?

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