I was going to write all sorts of advice in this little tiny box here. Until I realized what I was doing: it's not like I know jack.

Can you tell him how you feel? If he's worth having, he'll understand. If he's a jerk, you can stop using asterisks. :-)

Yes, I know I'm suggesting the scariest possible course of action. I happen to believe you're up to it.

All I can think to say to him is, ya I went home right away after your fist call I didn't want all the complication and it was a bit late [as I was in his town, at the lake]. But it just sounds like I was waiting for him like a douche. Another thing I'd like to say is that I'd like to spend a day with him on the weekend.

I fear that I can't tell him again that I hate cancellations. I fear it would be like nagging. I almost want to just do it to him too instead. But that would be a game. I wasn't set in stone that we would get together yesterday. It's just that I wanted it so much to happen because, I think I miss him... but truly, what I think is going on with me is that I want to see him because I fear. I want to stay at the top of his mind. But I am afraid I am going about it the wrong way as, if I stay at the top of his mind as the 'needy, angry girl', that a bit repulsive, no?

Tour, were you waiting for him?

You're not a douche.

Therefore, logic says that waiting for him would not be being a douche. (I wasn't aware that girls used that phrase, since they know what a douche is, and it's a ridiculous thing to call a person. 'Specially yourself.)

Worrying yourself to death is also unattractive, because after all, who wants to go out with a dead girl? :-P

Tour, I can't do your positive thinking for you, much as I'd be willing to try. :-)

Can you just tell him that you need to know what kind of relationship you're in?

I guess what I'm saying is, yes, you're responsible for your fears, and you're both half-responsible to keep some kind of communication going. Without communication, believe me, even the best intentions are doomed.

Yes I was! I know it's not the best approach. I am needy. All my friends were unavailable that weekend and I was lonely. And, also, I feel like I should see him more than one night a week. I feel like you can't really build a relationship on one night a week. So, now I am wondering if it's a set back. Or if it's just miscommunication and he wanted to see me, yet I, personally didn;t make any plans with him either. and we both are clueless.

Tour, we all have needs! That's a silly reason to be mad at yourself. Odds are, he has a few, too, and might even tell you, if you ask.

If we could read minds, maybe all relationships would work out. Or maybe we'd never go near each other.

In this world, the only way to cure cluelessness is to take a risk and talk to each other.

I think we'd all be scared sh*less and would never go near each other He does have needs. He likes to be loved, just like I do. But he's also somewhat scared of needy woman because that's what he had in the past I guess... And he's scared of angry woman, because his mom used to beat him up.... So he says 'I need a lot of space' whatever that means. That's what I've been giving him. Because I thought, hey, that's a good opportunity for me as well, to think about me! Donig my things. Practicing not being obsessive [ugh!]

ah! now he just texted me... saying 'hey' ... Hey what? goodness. I know he may be somewhat sorry. But jeez

:-) Here's to being scared shitless.

I'm sorry this is causing you so much distress, that's all. I just hope you figure out how to get what makes you happy.

I don't know that I should tell him "i am needy and angry'. Which is the truth right now. I will tell him 'I would like to see you a day on the weekend' when we can figure out how to talk to each other.

well I hope so too. Right now, I need to go on a hike in the beautiful sun! I need to figure out my taxes again that I forgot a big receipt that could save me hundreds. I need to return a book at the library. and I need a big hug. From who? I don't know. Everyone is gone. but that's what I need. Thank for your help malign. Sorry to be a pain with a trucker mouth. I don't mean it.

Meh.

1) You're not a pain.

2) I know all the words. It only hurts when someone I like uses them on themselves.

3) You deserve all the things on your list. I'd give you the hug myself if there was a way.

Take care of yourself; that's the important thing.

Remember your bestest friend.

It's funny. or maybe not. When you're needy. It seems that everyone runs in the other direction and you end up even more lonely and needy. Yesterday, I did my little mental exercises to try and pull myself out off this rut. I rubbed my own shoulders even, telling myself that it was ok... Now there's sunshine outside and I will put on a smile. I know it is fake, but they say, when you just physically put on a smile, your brain doesn't know it's fake. It assumes it's for real and it starts feeling better.

I am sending hug thoughts your way tour I am sorry you are feeling so bad.

Yes. I am remembering her. I am asking her to be with me. But I am crying now. I hope it's ok.

Honey.

Don't expect any of us to go anywhere just because you're human.

It may not be okay right this second, but it will be.

thanks guys. Now I will put my shorts on and my big dark glasses to hide my crying eyes. and my black eyes, like she said. and I will go to the top of the mountain. hiking by myself and turn my freakin cell off.

Well, if you think you talk like a trucker, I won't tell you what I think of ... what she said. You might think I had been a sailor or something.

Don't listen to stuff like that.

Why do you remember what she said about your eyes, but not what I said?

:-) Okay, I understand why. I just wish you wouldn't.

oh tour, screw that girl, I am certain you have beautiful eyes, and I'm also certain the only reason she would say something like that to you is out of jealousy.

I went hiking. It was ok. Y texted me just 'hey' again. what's that supposed to mean? I called him. He's like oh you're lucky I just came in from the shop and saw you called... I'm lucky. Ah! Then he said he's going training tonight...thats about it. No plans. No nothing.

What am I suppose to do? Doesn't he want to see me?

Yah, I know this girl's kind of meh. But he hangs out with her. That's why it makes me upset. But I know I should at least give as much attention to compliment from others then to mean things a competitor's says. I am just so confused right now by his behavior.

He does sound confusing, tour. I know the type.

What do you need to take care of you? I'm not sure he can do that. It doesn't sound like it.

Maybe if you can get back to you, to an unconfused state, you can get a better perspective on where you are.

You aren't thinking this is your one and only chance at love are you? Because it isn't.

I'm sorry things are so tough right now.

Hey finding! No I am not thinking is my only chance. Luckily, I went through that type of thinking but now I am over it.

I saw him again yesterday night, by fluke. Coming out of the grocery store. Ah. We talked for a little bit. I asked so do you think I'm going to get to see you anytime soon? He said, yes don't worry, and he kissed me. He said also that he saw his friend who's a trainer [he trains for boxing like 5 nights a week], and that he is going to set himself up so that he can train at home more, in the morning. He said, so that he can have more time for me [and mumbled, for you]. Anyway, we'll see what'll come out of that.

I was worried because he said he was going to get this tool that he forgot in the boat last Sunday, from his buddy's girlfriend Lise... which happens to be... the roomate of Andrea. I was not happy. But, he actually went to Lise's work. Which is good. I was driving behind him going home and I actually saw him stop at the restaurant where Lise works... So I guess it wasn't an excuse to see Andrea...

All these torturous ideas I got in my head.

You're right; it's all the ideas that are making you crazy.

From what I've heard of her, and granted that the source is a tiny bit biased ;-) , but it still sounds to me like if he prefers this other chick, he deserves her.

Yep! It's nice though when I can see that they are erroneous. I try so hard to get better. I hope I can figure that one out.

It's true, if he goes for her, that'll only means he's not over his crap as I know how she is. We have common friends and they unfortunately or fortunately warn me when she was trying to get a job where I used to work not to let her. That she can be nice but she has some big issues. And she also was disrespectful more than once to me. I remember several times when I was with M, and she was all over him...'woooa, park ranger, I like guys in uniforms...' He said, wow...she's a bit on the freakish side huh, let's get out of here! He reassured me that time, without even knowing it.

Now, on her facecrap profile, she's recently added "I like to ride on the back of a motorcycle really fast"... Guess who has a motorcycle? Jeez woman.

I have another girlfriend who's like that. I don't know why some girls do that: when it's pretty clear you are with the guy, all of a sudden he becomes so interesting and they have to see if they can get him too? Both of them are pretty. Prettier than me to be sure. Both of them are nice, but I've been warn that they do that. Mags I can handle. But Andrea, it's like she's faster than I, she has all these mean things she says that seem so innocent. And I don't have a quick witty reply.

I guess I have my issues. Clearly. But I proud myself in the fact that at least I don't do that!

Heh. She likes things fast, and you like them slow.

I'd be prepared to decide just based on that, but that's me. :-) You need to find out where he stands. After all, I can imagine completely innocent scenarios, where she begs him to take her for a ride, etc. And we guys can be pretty clueless when someone shows an interest in us.

I know it's the hardest thing to do for all sorts of reasons. But I still think it's okay to ask him, you know, not to choose between you, but "I've noticed she seems interested in you, how do you feel about it" kind of thing. I know it seems easier just to use a handy 2x4 on his head, but he's got to be able to get the message some time ...

Yeap ! thanks that;s a good one. I'll keep that one in my back pocket for ulterior usage. You're totally right. I would feel confident asking him that.

Wow. funny you mention the 2x4! Because, again, a common friend told me that his ex, Caro, tried to hit him with a 2x4 when he told her he wanted to brake up.

And Andrea might just ask him. yeah. I can see that happening. At least I rode the bike before her. I could warn her, yeah, he only rides fast when he's on his own.

And, to me, I mean maybe I should use more manipulations on him 'woooo, a biiiiike. wooooh' I mean I like to ride with him. But maybe I am too much of a Tomboy. I want to ride ma own bike, however slow it'll be! Maybe that's not enticing to a guy. What can I say. I can be feminin, but unfortunately or fortunately, I can also change the oil on my car, swing a hammer, and I am not afraid of spiders. I don't know. Maybe I should fake. but somehow somewhere, I personally believe that it's good to not 'need' a man, but want him for who he is, not what he can do for me.

Hah! So maybe he has a history of driving girls to violence! :-) (I wasn't sure you guys called them 2x4's, though, since it's an inch measurement. For all I know, you call 'em 5x10's ...)

Oh please. No way you should descend to the level of manipulating. He either likes who you are, or he isn't worth the trouble. And so many guys who are deeply into something would love to have a woman who shares that interest. Wait for the one you want, the one who wants you.