hmmmm. and re-hmmmm.
Is he interested, not interested? Well, maybe we'll never know. Today, we were supposed to go to the lake but he just called to cancel. Well, I suppose he has a good reason, but he was all cold at the end of the line. There was an evacuation notice on his door this morning. And so, he's on the stand by until who knows he said, to make sure he can get his stuff out of the house if push comes to shove. Fair enough. Maybe I am insensitive but I would truly prefer if he would have said 'sorry, would love to see you but I can't today... I'll let you know as soon as possible..." He kind of did but was a bit colder than this. I was going to ask if there was something I could do to help... I guess I can't lift stuff with the shoulder, but I would have helped... I think.
But, I get this feeling in the back of my mind that he may not be strong enough for me. All the little obstacles to us seeing each other make it difficult for me to see full on interest. I don't know what it is... maybe it's age? Maybe it's not the same when you're dating in your mid-thirties as when I was in my 20s'? Maybe guys protect themselves way more at this age, so much so that it's pretty difficult to get something going.
It is very disappointing to me to fell this way and to ponder on this. I will give him another month of try... And then, I guess, if nothing is clearing up... I will let him go. It will hurt [me], for sure. But I can do it now.
I get the feeling that he's still having some turmoil in him that makes him go hot, then cold... Keeping 'options open'...
I feel like I have been pretty naive up to this point with guys. Believing excuses to not see me. So busy... But, I know I can make some room to see someone somehow, at least twice a week, even being busy [of course I am talking about how busy I am now...]. So, I believe it's the same thing for guys, no? Maybe they keep their boundaries more... but to some extent I would imagine it to be the same. And when it didn't 'workout', I would be ready to Think it was 'me'. But now, I feel like I am much more grounded... I have been truly reluctant to blame the guy and his 'problems' before, and readily accusing myself, and my inadequacy for romantic flops... But now, I can see potential problems, much faster.
Surely, it still takes me a while to act upon my intuitions... But I have improved. So this is a not to self.