Diffenately finding

Blossom Tell ykw to

"Moo Off" , and just "Mooooooooooooo"

Hey Blossom your a

Big brave dogggggggg

won't work

she says i'm worthless

she's not speaking to daddy right now so she's taking it out on me.

it's just stupid. i want to die.

i can't do it anymore. i want to disappear.

why can't i disappear?

please don't disappear

i will try as hard as i can to disappear

ykw is a "B" and needs to "moo off" and be nice to you.

you are not worthless, you mean a lot to all of us, your blossom our friend and we love ya, please dont become invisable on us

thanks Jj but i am worthless and stupid and a waste of space and my life is a mistake.

Well, ykw is a mean spirited cow who seriously should never say those things to you, like ever. Just coz her nastiness blinds what she is capable of seeing, dosnt mean it is true.

Hun, Ive known you a few months now and all i have ever seen from you is kindness.

I think anyone here thats known you a lot longer than i have. will tell you that you most certainly are not a waste of space and that you are a pleasure to be around.

Your life is not a mistake, the only mistake to do with your life is nasty people being horrid to you.

Try not to listen to ykw, try listen to your friends, please try and stay in the land of living, we need ya

thanks jj you're so nice to meand i know you're having a hard time too right now. i hope you're ok. everyone here is so nice to be and i don't deserve it. i really am a bad person. i'm sorry. i have to go away for a while now but thanks for being my friend.

oh, blossom

im sorry your so sad

we will be here for you

now i'm invisible again.

noone can see me.

[and anyone who can see me will just have to ignore me.]

i've decided that i'm quitting therapy. my next appointment is thursday morning so i'll just tell her i'm not coming back anymore.

there's no point in going when it's not helping. just a waste of time.

i don't need therapy anyway. i'm beyond help. my thoughts and feelings are so mixed up and i can't make sense of them and everything is so confusing. i just can't be fixed. i can't talk about what i'm feeling. i can't write about what i'm feeling. i'm trapped. and i don't want to live anymore because i hate how i have no control over it.

i'm going to try disappear and be so invisible that even i won't be able to see myself. i want to be GONE.

i'm so cold. maybe i'll freeze to death.

i'm never warm anyway.

it's because i'm a cold person. really cold hearted and bad and worthless.

and that can't be fixed.

i am what i am:(

my life should be ended. i should be shot!

or maybe i don't even deserve that.

maybe my life will go on forever and ever and i'll never die.

i'd feel like this forever and my thoughts would get more and more tangled up and it would be torture but that's ok.

i deserve to be tortured.

i'm just so sorry that i dragged everyone on here into my problems. i really am sorry. i wish i could make ye all forget about me but i suppose putting my blog on private is the nearest i can get to that. or else i could just not come on the site anymore but i think that might be too hard right now. i have nowhere else to go. just ignore me and pretend i don't exist, ok?

maybe i'll go sleep for a while.

but do i deserve to sleep?

probably not.

sleep helps me escape my feelings for a little while but i shouldn't be allowed to escape them.

i don't deserve any peace, or any friends. or anything good.

it's very very stormy in ireland right now and lots of floods. i'm kinda scared about driving down to college because it's dark already and it might be dangerous.

she just won't leave me alone:(

why does this always have to happen to me?

i'm scared.

i'm scared.

now i wish i wasn't invisible because i don't like being on my own when i'm scared.

but i deserve to be on my own

and i probably deserve to be scared.

i need to make everyone forget about me. i don't think i'll be able to forget about them though because they were good friends.

well, i'm back. the roads were really bad and the traffic was very slow coz everywhere is flooded.

ykw wouldn't even look at me when i said bye to her before leaving. she obviously can't wait for me to disappear.

that made me upset because i waited especially for her to come home from shopping to say bye and she couldn't even say it back. whatever.

now i have that feeling where i want to cry so bad but i can't because i don't have any tears:(

i don't want to be on my own. i don't like being invisible:(

just because i've disappeared, doesn't mean i won't talk to anyone here though. i'll still try to help people feel better even though i'm not very good at it. i just won't talk about myself anymore, just here where noone can see it.

but maybe i shouldn't talk to anyone..

i can't disappear completely unless i stop talking to everyone.

oh i dunno:mad:

ii'm so stupid and confused:mad:

i HATE myself. i can't even stick to my own plan:mad: