can't stop crying. dunno why i'm so afraid:(

What's going on, LadyBlossom?

i keep panicking really bad and i dunno why.

You need to build yer calm, sweetheart. Do you have anything you can look at? Here is a nature scene, for example

hey blossom, sorry to hear you're having a rough night

there is no calm in me to build:( just panic.

hey starry.

That's why it could help to look outside of you at something that is calm... for that bit of help. There is more to you than you think, blossom.

You need some of starry's stars on yer wall

i hate this feeling:(

Reach out, blossom. Is there a plant in your apartment? I'm serious, a plant or a stone can be very calming if you let it happen for you.

no plant or stones. but i lit some candles and my lava lamp is on. it's not making me feel any better. it doesn't matter anyway.

that's a nice picture finding. i wish i could live in it.

hmmmm, that sounds familiar. Whoever is saying "it doesn't matter anyway" must be so upset she is shutting down feeling. If she shuts down feeling, you won't be able to reach out and feel the calm of your candle. A tiny bit is all you need to get it started. Sooooo maybe you need to allow that much feeling.

hey! you did it! A little bit counts, blossom!

i can't help shutting down feeling. i dunno how to not do it.

Feeling is not the enemy. Sometimes errant thoughts and beliefs are the problem. You are thinking you are not safe, when actually, tonight, in this moment, you are. Don't let your thoughts make you unsafe.

[we should all go to Hawaii!!!]

i wish we could go to hawaii too..

yeah but what if i'm not safe?

That's a thought you are having. Right here, right now, this moment, is all you have. It is all we ever truly have. And right now, nothing is happening to hurt you except your thoughts.

i'm sorry:( i just wish someone was here with me right now. i'm being stupid.

This is new, Blossom. You aren't used to being alone and your nerve endings are all over alert. That's not stupid. Over time you will not be so jumpy. Remember how it got better this summer when you were alone?

this feels different. i just remembered i have therapy tomorrow:(

Maybe you'll have a therapy breakthrough tomorrow. It could happen!

If not, and if she just stares at you, think of her as a dolphin maybe...

i doubt it. i don't want to go. it'll be my first appointment in 5 weeks.

i am getting sleepy i think..

Well you must be exhausted!!

now that i think about it i havn't had a full nights sleep for a long time... last night and the night before i didn't go to bed til after 6 and then before that i was up doing art til late every night. hmmm.

Good night, LadyBlossom. We love you and wish you good things!!!!!! You are OK right now. I'm sorry you had a fright