I am having severe sexual anxiety because of my size

[Yes]

Hey guys I'm new to this site and don't know where to turn. I have been dating my girlfriend for about 2 and a half years and we are going to colleges about 2 hours away (just graduated hs). Let me just say this. She is absolutely perfect. We have the best time together and our personality clicks like I could have never imagined. She is extremely supportive and loving and everything and I really couldn't be happier in finding someone like her. We have had sexual experiences together except penetrative and we seem to click really well in that aspect to. We haven't had sex because of our parents (both very very strict) so we decided to proceed with caution, as well as we weren't fully ready yet. But we've been discussing and it seems like we are both ready. Or so I thought. A couple months ago I injured my penis (got hit) and it has made a full recovery. This new focus on my penis however has caused me to measure and everything and see how I stack up. I was appalled by my measurements. A meager 5 inches in length (ON A GOOD DAY) and 4 inches in girth. Everywhere I look, these measurements are below average in both length and girth. She has a high sex drive and I have no problem with my hands and mouth, giving her multiple orgasms. My major problem is will she even FEEL something of that size...? This has been bothering me for so long. And since we step OMG to be so far away in college I feel afraid because if she can't feel my penis our first time, I feel like it would be much easier for her to leave or to cheat which would really be bad because she's like my other half. I know she feels the same way because we are so open about our feelings and have amazing communication. I have told her about this problem but she seems to not care, but like me she is also a virgin and doesn't know what she's talking about. I'm 17 and I can barely stop thinking and worrying about it. I have tried helping and everything but that only seems to hurt my penis and give me less frequent erections and a longer flaccid penis which is essentially useless. I am at that stage where I acknowledge I have a small penis, know that I have to compensate and really really care about her satisfaction and will spend time on her before and after I orgasm (I really don't care how sexual acts feel for me it's more of a release from my end. I love seeing my partner ecstatic however and that's why I enjoy it so much). I am very fit, so losing my fat pad isn't an option. I just want her to get all the pleasure possible, and from me only. I know I'm unreasonable like that but it would really hurt me if she went looking outside for satisfaction despite my efforts. I really need help mentally and need to find ways to calm down and now get so distraught because it's seriously affecting me to a point where I sometimes avoid talking to her because I feel ashamed. I don't want this to seep into other aspect of our relationship and ruin the entire thing. We are both 17 and I'm just banking on my girth growing out till I'm 21, but I hit puberty early and my penis is the same size since 14 (didn't measure but it feels and looks exactly the same). Any advice, similar situations and how to react, etc. are really appreciated. Thanks guys. 

[YOTH]

You're in a really unique and advantageous position in that you've confided in your girlfriend and she had responded in a caring and understanding manner. That could have gone a lot worse (virgin or not). Your erections are probably weak due to your injury but also possibly from mental beatings. You said you're fit, so maybe upping your weights workout or starting a new one would help. That helped with my testosterone levels and boosted my mojo ten fold. 5 inches is manageable, but you can easily talk yourself into submission by convincing yourself it's not enough. One thing I promise you, is if you start to obsess over your cock size to the point she gets sick of it, she'll leave, but not because of your cock, because your turning into a headcase over it. There are so many things you can do to boost the odds in your favour. Including a total must (cushion under her arse) that's a pro tip you'll never not do once you've done it. Also, she's a virgin, so believe me, you'll be big enough. And if you're REALLY freaking out, and you can't get your head screwed on, go the doctor and ask for Cialis or Viagra (Just while you recover from your strain/injury). But tbh, your girlfriend seems like a doll, don't assume she'll piss off looking for bigger cocks when she's in love with you. She doesn't want another cock, she wants a happy you and YOUR cock. Take it easy, brother. Some of the guys on here would kill for 5 inches ☮

[Victimorthecrime]

I read your post Yes and frankly I'm worried for you.  Women like confidence and being anxious is the opposite of being confident.  Add to that she has a high sex drive and is away at college and I don't like what math adds up to. 

You have to get your mojo back like now.  Honestly - I don't know how to do it or more to the point I don't know how YOU would do it because I don't know you. My advice would be to talk to your boys that "got it going on" and hear them out.  

I'm sure attitude plays a role here so start w that.  Do a thought experiment: imagine you are her. What would keep you interested in the relationship vs wanting to bail?  What kind of girl is she?  Sentimental? Compassionate?  Emotional?  Adventurous?  Mischievous?  Family oriented?  Intellectual?  Active? Home body?  Paint a picture. Make it a masterpiece.  

 

[LaLa]

Hello, Yes, welcome  .

I'm a woman and I don't have this particular type of experience you're asking about, yet I think it doesn't matter much because... I believe the problem here isn't really your size, it's all the expectation, anxiety, distorted self-image, ... just due to some stupid statistics. Who knows, perhaps it is better that you know about the statistics and so you could discuss your fear (of not being able to please her, ...) with your girlfriend. Perhaps this is something that made you two even closer to each other - being able to be so open and honest about such a sensitive issue. Yes, it can be so, ... but I think only if you don't blow it out of proportions. And it seems to me you've already begun to do this, so it's very good that you decided to seek some help / advise ! 

It's natural that when we are very lucky (as when we find a seemingly "perfect" partner), we become anxious about loosing that luck and all the happiness associated with it. So we began to worry about some of the ways in which we could "mess it up" and loose the cherished thing, situation, or person. In your case, you're worrying about a presumed "inadequacy" of your body (although there are several other ways how you can already satisfy your partner and although she doesn't share your concerns at all!). But I personally think that these worries, if persistent and even increasing, are more potentially harmful than your body / size...

You know; there is a possibility that she won't be entirely satisfied by your first "attempt(s)", absolutely regardless of your size (because the way one feels (/is able to enjoy the experience) depends on many factors, almost all psychological). But in such case, you'd automatically assume: "It's because of my size!" And that would be a real thread to your relationship. Accusing a body part of yours, feeling totally helpless, leaving her helpless, too... not trying to find out (together, "by practice, by discovery") ways to enjoy yourselves more, ... You could become stuck in unfounded self-blame. Similarly, you can become stuck now - it the fear, in the anticipation of "not being good enough" (which can, by the way, influence her experience with you, too, even if you don't talk about it - and perhaps even more in case you don't talk about it - with her).

I would suggest you to postpone a bit your attempts and try to gain a "relaxed view". I know very well it's not easy, but I'm sure it's possible. Mainly, I think it would be too difficult to "set yourself a goal"... like "to find out asap if you're able to gratify her of not", because that would just put too much pressure on you. You don't need to hurry at all! There's a lot your relationship is giving you right now, you don't need to push it to "a higher level". The best thing would be to leave it to spontaneity; to wait for a moment when you'll really feel like doing it, being so much overwhelmed by lust that you wouldn't worry about size etc.

What do you think?

Good luck and take care!

(I see now someone posted in the meantime... I was writing this as a first reply, thus not taking previous posts into consideration.)

 

[Yes]

This is something I really want to work on. The worst part is wondering if I will grow or if she won't be able to get satisfaction or, much worse, actually even feel it. What makes it worse is that my dad is on the high end of average (I tried to confide in him) and got mad at me for worrying about my size and that being sexual at my age is wrong (very traditional man in general). And I understand that if she said it's okay, then I'm in the clear. This is kind of a misnomer because she THINKS I'm average. I told her that my length was within the average range (not lying exactly lol) and that I was a bit under in girth. Turns out a woman won't even notice a 4 inch girth. I fear that if she finds out that I'm actually far below average, she might wonder what average feels like and stray. 

 

 

[Yes]

Victimorthecrime,

 

She seems too still be really in to me. She has insecurities as well and we always try to dispell them. My small penis is mostly driving me nuts because experiences with a 4 inch girth tend to be very subpar. I don't want her to go unsatisfied and the distance could make it easier for to do so. 

[Yes]

Lala, 

It is true that pretty much no matter how big I am my first try won't be too great haha. And you're right in the sense that my confidence is really hurting me negatively. I think because I'm 17 and penises sometimes can grow past that, I am just hoping to be one of those people. So maybe I should let go of this hope and try to accept it?? She also clearly wants to lose that v card quickly and the next time I see her will be the last time in a month that I see her again. I don't know how much longer she can go because she as been wanting to fr a while and I proposed this date (before I figured out I had a small penis). 

[YOTH]

2 minutes ago, Yes said:

This is something I really want to work on. The worst part is wondering if I will grow or if she won't be able to get satisfaction or, much worse, actually even feel it. What makes it worse is that my dad is on the high end of average (I tried to confide in him) and got mad at me for worrying about my size and that being sexual at my age is wrong (very traditional man in general). And I understand that if she said it's okay, then I'm in the clear. This is kind of a misnomer because she THINKS I'm average. I told her that my length was within the average range (not lying exactly lol) and that I was a bit under in girth. Turns out a woman won't even notice a 4 inch girth. I fear that if she finds out that I'm actually far below average, she might wonder what average feels like and stray. 

 

 

You're not far below average. Slightly maybe, but not to the point where she's gonna find out and hit the roof. It's scary losing your virginity either way, it's a hotbed for overthinking and healthy nerves. Just get it out of the way and then focus on the next time. You said she likes foreplay, so make sure you get her going beforehand. Get her going and then go for it. She'll be that turned on from foreplay (which by the sounds of it, you're on the ball with) that she'll enjoy it because you're covering all bases. 50% of men don't/won't go down on women on a regular basis. It shows that you're not selfish. You could have a 12" cock but finish in 5 minutes and fall asleep leaving your lass totally unsatisfied. Anyway, good luck with it. ☮

[Yes]

Yeshuandme,

My girlfriend is amazing and loyal but she gets lonely quickly and indicates sexual satisfaction is a need in the relationship. To be honest if I was even 4.5 inches in girth I would be okay because girls can feel something like that. 4 is just way too small. I have small hands and it feels like a marker in my hand. I'm worried that WHEN we have sex then the problems will arise.

[YOTH]

Just now, Yes said:

Yeshuandme,

My girlfriend is amazing and loyal but she gets lonely quickly and indicates sexual satisfaction is a need in the relationship. To be honest if I was even 4.5 inches in girth I would be okay because girls can feel something like that. 4 is just way too small. I have small hands and it feels like a marker in my hand. I'm worried that WHEN we have sex then the problems will arise.

Everyone in here is thinking that their life would be perfect with that extra girth or length. But you'll drive yourself fucking mad with it. Read some threads from the guys with 3" or less cocks. At least you've got a fighting chance. I personally like to strap my balls and wear a cock ring (which keeps the blood where it needs to be) but I've been married for years, and you'd maybe look like a mentalist turning up strapped and wrapped for your first time lol. If girth is really a sticking point and it's becoming a real unavoidable concern, you can buy a penis extension (rubber sheath) and cut the end off leaving just the shaft (so you still get feeling on the tip). It's and extreme measure but is just an option if you start to really obsess. You'll be alright, man. And you are only 17, you've got some good growing years ahead of you. ☮

[IrmaJean]

Welcome to the community, Yes. I'm sorry you're feeling anxious about this. I hope you can be accepting of yourself and of your body. You're very young and so is your girlfriend and it could take time to know what one another's needs are. It also takes time to learn about each other and what kind of touch your partner might enjoy best. If you choose to be intimate, try to enjoy one another and the experience without adding performance pressure, if you can. Ultimately, you can't control her choices and you can't change the size of your genitals. I hope you can be in the moments and that you feel less anxious. Wishing you well.

[Yes]

Your right irmajean... Do you have any idea on how I could at least enjoy the rest of my summer and not worry about this constantly?? 

[IrmaJean]

What activities do you like to do for fun? I would suggest doing things that bring you joy. Get out, be with friends, and feel your light. If you find yourself worrying again, maybe try to be aware of your self talk. Try to listen to your needs and practice healthy self care, as best as you can.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your summer!  

[ReduxRestored]

10 hours ago, YeshuandMe said:

Everyone in here is thinking that their life would be perfect with that extra girth or length. But you'll drive yourself fucking mad with it.

That is so so true!!

Times I've thought how everything would be good and dandy if only I was porno size. Truth is I could have whole new problems if that was true. I could keep meeting the dream girlfriend and they'd find it too fucking big!!

Maybe life has to be screwed one way or another??

[Yes]

Irmajean, 

i love wrestling and boxing and often find myself trying to go to practice but there's only so many times I can go without becoming exhausted or injured and my dad driving me there (don't have a car). I like to hangout with my friends but I'm quite reserved and they aren't always around. My girlfriend just got back from a family trip from England and (fortunately or unfortunately) she's the person that I really enjoy spending time with however talking to her over the phone gives me anxiety. I don't want to ignore her and cause damage in other areas, but I don't see a way out of that predicament. I try to spend time with my family but we really don't get along too well, they're hyper focused on education and they remind me of how the college I'm going to is a let down to them (going to Rutgers). So that only makes me feel bad in general lol. 

[Yes]

3 hours ago, Redux said:

That is so so true!!

Times I've thought how everything would be good and dandy if only I was porno size. Truth is I could have whole new problems if that was true. I could keep meeting the dream girlfriend and they'd find it too fucking big!!

Maybe life has to be screwed one way or another??

Yeah I just wish I had average size you know? Like literally everyone but me has average or bigger. When I wrestled in high school I didn't stare intensively at other guys at all but sometimes u notice things by accident and about half the team had penises bigger than me when I was hard  when they were FLACCID. Didn't think much of it then, just chocked it up to "I'm a grower not a shower". Looks like I'm a shower with a small penis. Funny how that worked out. But your right I would have other problems but I mean it doesn't seem implausible that having an average penis would make my life... Worse. This is a problem that I can never fix when with many other things there are ways around it. i don't know why but I don't want to introduce a strap on until she makes it clear to me that it wasn't enough, but I know that that particular comment from her would hurt me really bad. If I had an average penis I'm pretty sure it wouldn't be a problem. 

[YOTH]

57 minutes ago, Yes said:

Looks like I'm a shower with a small penis. Funny how that worked out.

I'm a grower with a small penis. We all have our seeming cross to bear. Some crosses bigger than others it seems lol. It's all good, man. Life is too short (npi) for worrying and obsessing. You can't find the light by analysing the darkness. Go be 17 haha 

[ReduxRestored]

1 hour ago, Yes said:

and about half the team had penises bigger than me when I was hard  when they were FLACCID. Didn't think much of it then, just chocked it up to "I'm a grower not a shower". 

There is something to the shower and grower thing. Guys with v big flaccid peens don't always grow as much!!

[YOTH]

2 hours ago, Redux said:

There is something to the shower and grower thing. Guys with v big flaccid peens don't always grow as much!!

I'll be honest, I'm surprised sometimes by how much my cock grows. There was a guy in another forum who had a miraculous grower. He was 9" and had a video that showed it grow from 3 1/2 to 9. How is that even possible? It was like a magic trick. Just shows that the cock is the most mysterious of all the organs, and comes in all shapes, sizes and designs. A real head scratcher for the ages. The problem is, we only have access to our own penis and it's habits. We assume every cock is identical to our own except for size. But there is a myriad of different types and we only have one. It's the equivalent of a racist saying all (insert race here) are the same. We have the same blanket judgement for cocks. We respect anything bigger and better and curse everything we believe to be smaller. An overwhelming urge to be normal. To be acceptable to the human race. To be loved, to be wanted, to be sexually attractive and make all the girls wet just by walking past. But the big secret behind all of the red tape and the Wizard of Oz curtain is sex DOESN'T make you happy. More people have commited suicide than have died in every war combined. Were they all little dicked losers with nothing to live for? Nope. They were average men, women, children who couldn't see a way out of hell and decided to check out before they were dragged out. If we believe happiness is coming from OUT THERE we're sorely mistaken. The message your body is sending to you whether you like it or not is go within, or go without.

[ReduxRestored]

1 hour ago, YeshuandMe said:

I'll be honest, I'm surprised sometimes by how much my cock grows. There was a guy in another forum who had a miraculous grower. He was 9" and had a video that showed it grow from 3 1/2 to 9. How is that even possible? It was like a magic trick. Just shows that the cock is the most mysterious of all the organs, and comes in all shapes, sizes and designs.

Yup. I remember once seeing a porno clip where a guy went from being about my averageish limp size to......phworrr!!

(The lucky bastard, why not me eh?!)

[Yes]

4 hours ago, YeshuandMe said:

I'm a grower with a small penis. We all have our seeming cross to bear. Some crosses bigger than others it seems lol. It's all good, man. Life is too short (npi) for worrying and obsessing. You can't find the light by analysing the darkness. Go be 17 haha 

You're right it is. And I'm not your typical 17 year old lol if it were up to me I'd live in the boxing gym lol. I don't have too many friends because I keep to myself (big mistake I've realized) so really this girlfriend of mine means a lot to me. It really was a disastrous setup from the beginning but I see what your saying ?. 

[Yes]

Talked to her about it. Every part of it. I am very happy to say that she said couldn't care less if I even had one and that it's more important for me to be happy. Just thought I should let you guys know the good news! 

[Victimorthecrime]

That is awesome Yes.  That girl deserves flowers!  

[YOTH]

1 hour ago, Yes said:

Talked to her about it. Every part of it. I am very happy to say that she said couldn't care less if I even had one and that it's more important for me to be happy. Just thought I should let you guys know the good news! 

That's really good to hear, man. Props for having the balls to tell her. Really nice to hear a positive outcome rather than the usual doom and gloom. Good luck with whatever you do in the future ☮

[Yes]

10 minutes ago, YeshuandMe said:

That's really good to hear, man. Props for having the balls to tell her. Really nice to hear a positive outcome rather than the usual doom and gloom. Good luck with whatever you do in the future ☮

Is it usually doom and gloom?? Do women really break up or cheat on someone because of a small penis?