I Wish... I Really Wish...

[BabyGirl1992]

To Be Honest.. I Don't Ever

Remember A Point Or Time In My Life Where I Actually *Enjoyed My Life*..

Wow I Didn't Know Hossy's Let You Bring In Electronics.. I'd Be Dead If it Wasn't For Computers Probably.. It's My Only Connection To The Real World.. Or What Feels Like The Real World Anyway.. I Sure Hope I'm Not Like This Forever I'm Goin Nuts Already.. Just Thinking I Have No Life & Probably Never Will... But People Say **You Get What You Say** If Thats True I'm Screwed Beyond Repair... How Long Do You Have To Stay In The Hossy For?? & Would you Be Able To Leave If You Wanted To??... Your Kind Words Also Mean ALOTT To Me.. More Then You'll Ever Know!!! & I Greatly Appreciate It

Xo, BabyGirl

[SweetSue]

Hi Heather

You may feel like this at the moment but you know you have your whole life ahead of you. Whos to say things wont get better. in time

But you know. you know, you will never find out unless your around to see it.

I came back in hospital under a 28 day section, i think i still have about 3 wks to go.

I cant wait for my freedom, even tthough i will never be free of my illness ( or thats what it feels like at ant rate ) I still have a long way to go , but i am trying my damndest to get better. Unfortunatley i am not allowed to leave unless the doctors agree, as i am here to get treatment to prevent myself from doing something "silly".

Heather stop putting yourself down , your a great person,

Yake care hun

Sue

[BabyGirl1992]

Sorry I Took So Long To Reply Pc Crashed Gr I Hate That..

Well Your Makin All The Right Steps To Become Better Thats More Then What I Can Say About Myself...!

What Kinda Illness Do You Have? If You Don't Mind Me Asking?...

I Was *Taught * TO Bring Myseld Down.. So It Feels Right When

I Say I'm (Fat, Ugly.Stupid. A Moron, Freak * Etc.. My *realtives* Love It They Think It's The *most Hilarious Thing Ever *sighs* Some Parent's Pft.. I can't Even Call Them That **Sighs Harder***

You Know Your Kids Are Very Lucky To Have You!!!.. I Hope I Don't Scare You Away When I Say This But Uhm... I Kinda Wish You Were My Mum

You're Awesome..

=s Sorry For Sayin That

Take Care,

Xo BabyGirl

[SweetSue]

Hey Heather

Thats got to be the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a long time,thankyou.

Its a shame we cant choose our parents isnt it ?

My own mom and dad , were how do i say this , less than appropriate with me in more ways than one. But you know at least they showed me the type of parent i never wanted to be. Basikly the way they treated my siblings (im one of 8) and myself was appalling and i wouldnt ever wish that on anybody.

Parents can say the most hurtful things sometimes , but hey that dosnt mean that they are true. Please believe that. Personally i feel some people should never in a milliion years be allowed to have children, especially my parents.

I am always here for you Heather

Your a lovely person, dont let others drag you down.

Take care hun

Sue

ps, i have been given many labels, but i mainly suffer with ptsd, bpd and si

[BabyGirl1992]

I Have All Those Plus More *Sigh*

Too Bad I Believe What They Tell Me / Call Me...

Both My Parents Used TO Hurt Me In Nasty Ways... Then one Died Got Stuck With The Other Until.. Yesturday When I Got Dumped Off..

Like Trash *sighs* Thats Exactly What I Am

I Wish I Could Choose My Parent's

Seems Like (parents) If Thats What You Call Them Can Even Chose What Kids they Want Now ( Designer Babies)

I Wish It Was The Other Way Around ..

[SweetSue]

Hi Heather

You say you got dumped off like trash, How awlful for you. No wonder your feeling so hurt, as if you didnt already have enough to contend with.

YOU ARE NOT TRASH, AND NEVER WILL BE.

I dont think that there is anything i can say to take away the heartache and the pain of a parent abandoning you

But i send you a big hug of friendship and hope in some small way it helps you feel better

Take care

Sue

[BabyGirl1992]

Thanks For The Huggs... I>((**Huggies**))< You Back 10 Times Fold... I've Actually Never had A Real One Except...

From My Kitty =/ See Now Thats Sad Cuz I See 2 Yr Olds

That Know Exactly What They Are..

I Seriously Hate Life... I Want 27 Kids Before I Pass...

I Wonder If thats Possible?!?! Hmmm...

*sigh* What Am I Thinkin` I'd Be A Horrible Mother

Rawr Negative Comin` Again...

Xo

BabyGirl

[SweetSue]

Hi heather

27 kids yep that diffenatley sounds like hard work

not sure if that is actually possible, i know someone who has 9 children .

I am sure that one day you will make a remarkable "mummy"

but for now you should try and concentrate on getting yourself feeling better and well

try and think possitively about yourself, i know this is hard to do at the moment, but i think your a great person, give youtself some credit.

take care

sue

[BabyGirl1992]

Give Myself Credit??? EEEeeek

That Sounds Bad... >.<

I Want To Adopt I Think .. Maybe I Dunno

I Wish My Baby Didn't Pass:(

*sigh*.. Sorry It's Takin so Long To Reply This Pc Is bein A Dummmmmy Grrr

Do You Have Any Plans For Tomorrow??

Xo, BabyGirl

[SweetSue]

Its annoying when your pc keeps crashing isnt it.

Im so sorry you lost your baby. Its a heartbreaking time for you and i hope that you feel better soon.

As for my plans today, well i am hoping to get some sleep, if this head of mine lets me, then after that who knows.

Hope you have a nice day

Take care and keep in touch

Sue

[BabyGirl1992]

Awe Man I'm Soooo Soooo Sorry..

This Stupid Computer Crashed Yet Again And WOuldn't Let Me Back On TO Reply To Your Message:(....

I Think I May Have Used It To Much And Over Heated It:( Please Forgive Me..

I Didn't Mean It=/...

I Wish I Could Get Some Sleep I Think I'm On Day Number 4 Or Maybe I Lost Track **Sigh**...

I'm Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Really Sorrrrryyy About The Pc Crashing..

I hope You Can Get Your Sleep...

Xoxoxoxoxo,

BaByGiRL

[SweetSue]

HI heather

You have nothing to be sorry for.....how could it possibly be your fault if the computer over heats

Well didnt get any sleep again, ive tried everything i can think of, Its been days now, they even put me on sleeping tablets, they dont work.

Hows your day been ?

what time is it where you are? its 3.40 in the afternoon here.

Take care

Sue

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi JessicaJane and Babygirl,

I have been away a few days and am playing "catch up." The two of you are engaging in a good and helpful discussion. I wonder why more have not joined it.

I agree with Jessica:) that you are not trash, Babygirl. It appears that you had a terrible childhood and I assume that it included neglect (never hugged) and abuse (you believe you are trash). Are you getting any psychotherapy? By the way, Babygirl, the problem with that many children is that children need rather than give many times. More children does not mean you will get more love. Can you tell us more about yourself and your life?

Jessica, why do you have such sleeping problems? I have some suggestions if you can tell us more about what you do during the day, when you get up, when you eat, drink, etc.

Allan

[BabyGirl1992]

Hiya Sue..

It's 4:50 Pm Here..

I Haven't Had Any Luck Sleeping Either

Stupid Nightmares I Keep Takin No-Doz To Stay Up

I Hope They Keep Working...

Sorry My Pc Is Bein A Brat.. Please Don't Be Mad At Me...

Are You Doing Okay??

Xo BabyGirl

[BabyGirl1992]

Heya Allan..

I Was Surprised You Responded To This Post..

Been Just Me And Sue For Awhile...

She's Deffinitely A Great Help.. This Site Is Great..!!

I Think People Hate Me Thats Probably Why

No One Else Has Really Posted..**Sigh**

I Hate Bein` Paranoid..

I've Never Had Therapy & the Thought Scares The Crap Outta Me..

I Don't Wanna Be Locked Up In My Prison World For The Rest Of My Life... But It's The Only Thing I Know..

I'm Soooo Not COmfortable With Change Even If It Is *Good*

I Believe All *Good* Things Turn Bad..

Atleast With Me They Do *Sighs*

My Life Is Pretty Horrible...!

I'm Not Sure What You'd Like To Know?

Is There Anything Particular??

I'm So Glad I Met Sue & You Y`all Are Awesome

The Word:

(Psychotherapist) Scared The Crapola Outta Me.. I Think I Look Into Words/ Detail Too Much.. All I See Is The Words Arranged in Order & Spaced Out Like This (The Psycho Rapist) :'( I Don't Like The Looks Or Sounds Of It..

What Do *Psychotherapist* Do?

Take Care,

Xo BabyGirl

Edited September 8, 2009 by BabyGirl1992

[malign]

Meh. Heather, I'm not going to let you get away with saying people aren't responding to you because they hate you. I know, for myself, I've been a bit hesitant because you said somewhere else that men make you nervous, and I happen to be one. But we've talked before, and I'm pretty sure I'm neither scared of you nor hating you. :-) I was staying out of it deliberately, because you and JJ seemed to be helping each other just fine.

If all things turn bad, then so will your hiding yourself away, and then it'll be better to get out and meet people! :-) Yeah, I didn't think that would work, either, but I have to try.

[BabyGirl1992]

YES.. Men Do**Sigh**

[malign]

I'm sorry, Heather, I don't understand:

Men do ... scare you? ... hate you?

I know you feel that way, but this man (me) doesn't hate you, or represent anything you need to fear.

[SweetSue]

Hey heather its great to hear from you

thought id upset you with something id said, i have this habit of unintentionaly (if thats aword) upseting others.

Good luck with the staying awake thing, although i must warn you , it will make you very ill. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture,

i fully understand your reasoning behind staying awake, i inderstabd that more than you will ever realise.

Please, heather, get some help (pro help that is) i dont want you to become iller than you already are,

please try and find the courage from somewhere, coz im worried about you.

Im always here if you need me, even if only to chat

take good care hun

sue

[BabyGirl1992]

Hey Sue..

You Haven't Upset Me..

You Never Could It's Impossible..

You're Very Sweet & Kind.

I Think I'm Goin *Wacky* Already Without Sleep .. I Was Dumb

And Tried *Flying* Today By Jumpin Off The Roof Of The House *Sigh* Didn't Work Of Course

I'm Pretty Stupid..

How Is Your Day Going?

I Checked My Stuff Earlier And All My post Were by Me So I Thought No One Replied To Them

I Clicked It And You Had Left Me One & It Didn't Show Up..

I Actually Cried Over It.. Thats How Rediculous I am..

I Really Hope I Didn't Upset You..

And Don't Worry About Me I'm Worried About You.. Are You Okay???

Xo,

BabyGirl

[SweetSue]

Hi heather

im glad your ok after you "accidently " fell oh the roof

please promise me that you will never "accidently " fall off anything higher than your knees in future !!!! Please

that wont solve anything

im fine thanks for asking

well im still breathing (thats my addiction that i got but never realised it till last week)

take carw hun

speak soon , i like knowing your ok

sue

[BabyGirl1992]

Heya Sue...

I Want You To Stay Breathing!!!! Pretty Please..

Wow .. Your The First Person Who Likes Knowing

*I'm Okay*... The Truth Is I'm Never Okay I Wish I Was Though..

I Wonder If I Try Jumping Again If I'll Be Able To Fly This Time **Sigh**

I Hope I Don't Sound Dumb When I Say This But I Missed You Today =/

If That Doesn't Freak You Out I'll Be Surprised..

Xo,

BabyGirl

[SweetSue]

Hi there heather

you couldnt possibly freak me out

you are not dumb, were friends arent we. Dont keep putting yourself down.

Each time you put yourself down , you believe it that little bit more. Believe me im an expert where thats concerned, and you deserve better than that.

Ok about this flying thingy you seem to be getting obbsessed with.

Come back down to earth hun ,we dont have wings, the only way we can fly is in a plane.

Please dont try flying again heather ,not tonight please.

Hope you feel better soon ,

take care

sue

ps sending you a big friendly hug as long as you promise not to fly or accidently fall off anything higher than your knees....ok...please

[BabyGirl1992]

Hellos...

Yes We Are Friends.. I Know Everytime I Put Myself I Believe It (More)

But I'm To The Point Where I Believe It Fully I have No Doubt That I Am All These Things **Sighs**

I Want To Fly Sooooo Dang BADDDD

Then I Can Fly Away From Everything That Hurts Me I Could Be Freee...

Just Like A Birdie...

Why Don't We Have Wings?? It's Soo Not Fair:(

Maybe if I Jumped Outta The Tree Thats A Lil Higher I May Be Able To Fly Even Just For A Second Would Be Sooo Amazing,,

Don't You Want To Fly?? I've Been Trying All Day ..

Thinking Maybe... Just Maybe It'll Work One Of These Times

7 Is My fave Number & Perfect And Anything Even So.. Maybe I Could Do It 7 Times Every 2,4,6,8,10,12 Hours.. I Dunno

Just A Dumb Thought I Have.. **Sigh** I hate My Brain..

I Wont Nomore Tonight Cuz Im Afraid Of The Dark...

Are You Doin Okays???

Xo BabyGirl

>(**Huggies**)<

[SweetSue]

Hi there heather

this thing you have about flying....kinda cool...yes.....kinda healthy.....no.

However having said that....admittedly yes there are times i wished i had wings (sparkly ones) with glittery hair and illuminous pink skin.

Long story dont ask...i was in one of my hypers at the time..

Damn it what was i saying.......

But that was just wishing ...not doing...theres a difference (apparently)

when i want to go flying , or anyone else for that matter wants to go flying, well usualy we need a aircraft. (minor technicality)

heather ,please take this with the intention its meant

please get some pro help, from your dr or gp. Please hun, its not good you being this ill.

I realy want to help you heather but quite honestly im not sure how.

All i can offer you is friendship ,and occasionally advice.

Hi my name is sue and im pretty messed up at the mo

(this is my offer of friendship)

please heather will you try and get to the doctors soon.they can help you with this.please.

(that was my occasional advice)

please accept these tokens

im worried about you heather

take care

sue

ps i hope i havnt offended you