Everything "smaller"

[filthygorgeous]

Hello guys, I'm new to this forum because I found it just today, but I've signed in so I could share my experiences with the problem I've had since my childhood, which is - surprise surprise - small(er) penis.

Basically, for some reason I found out there was something wrong with its size when I was at the age of eleven (now I'm 23); I remember being on the toilet with my younger cousine who was 8 years old that time; he made a remark that "my penis is just as small as his". For some reason I think this was the initial trigger that made me think my size is not adequate.

So I started thinking of what he said and started comparing my "family jewels" to other guys in the class where most of them started going into puberty whereas I didn't. I started avoiding going to toilets with classmates, I would go there only during class - which was not comfortable everytime since not every teacher allowed us to go to the WC during lessons. I also heard some statements about classmates making fun of other guy from our class they'd seen at urinal saying in front of everybody that "he had a small penis". And since then I refused to go to the toilets with guys at all. Not only to the toilets, I quit going to the pool where anyone could see me and do statements about me "having nothing there" and such (I also started putting a toilet paper in my slips so the bulge would seem at least a little bit bigger than it was). I also had hard times on high school where we had swimming every week. Being naked in front of my peers who were 16 or 17 ys old and already quite well developed was even more humiliating because my penis was about 6cms that time flaccid and 11cms erect. It's grown bigger since then, now I'm 5,5 inch erect and somewhat 3,2 flaccid, but it doesn't make me feel any better because I still feel inadequate. My testicles are also a little smaller than average and so in whole it gives my crotch a slightly childish look. I'm scared to go to the gym or swimming pool or anywhere else where I would have to "perform naked". My friend makes fun of it sometimes and keeps telling me there's nothing wrong with my size, that it's actually average and that he's seen a lot smaller ones, but that doesn't help me anyway. He doesn't know what it feels like to be ashamed of ones own penis because this guy has that trench almost length of a donkey I wish I just had a few cm's more.

But what bothers me now is that I simply just cannot enjoy all parts of my life as I'd like to - like going to nude beaches, expose myself freely in presence of other guys... It may seem that doing this is the last thing I should be concerned about but I actually am. I still can not pee freely at the urinals because I constantly feel the guy(s) next to me is(are) looking at it thinking of how small it is. Sometimes I even think whether I'm not rather supposed to go to the women's, that maybe I just don't belong there

Okay, I just wanted to share my point of view to what I am and what I've been through.

P.S. I'm Czech so don't judge me for the way I write, please

[Recluse]

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Edited May 7, 2010 by Recluse

[filthygorgeous]

Okay, I measured today and it's around 12-12,5 cm's (4,8-5 in) in girth. You know, it looks smaller and thinner when it's flaccid but it grows much larger when erect, but what I'm concerned about is its size when relaxed. It's not about being or not being able to pleasure a woman, it's about the conceit I posess when exposed naked and flaccid in front of anybody else, in showers for example. I see (or at least it seems to me) that everyone's got something they needn't be ashamed of except for me. It's even worse when I know I have to take off my clothes and go to the showers, the way I'm stressed makes it shrink, making me think of a tiny-weenie fiasco.

[John Rutledge]

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Edited October 27, 2009 by John Rutledge

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi JR,

I quite agree with you and I am even older than you are, 67. Who goes to be with a tape measure? Who worries about "girth."

What I am aware of is that people like Howard Stern and others, make a big deal about size. It's all nonsense.

What real people want is warmth, closeness, to feel loved and accepted and care about.

Allan:)

[lifeless existence]

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Edited October 24, 2009 by lifeless existence

[malign]

But you're not planning on sleeping with a survey.

You just need one woman who loves you, it seems to me.

And, possibly, some patience with people who disagree with you?

No one's making fun of you, there's no reason to respond as if they were.

[JulianP]

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Edited February 5, 2010 by JulianP

[lifeless existence]

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Edited October 24, 2009 by lifeless existence

[lifeless existence]

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Edited October 24, 2009 by lifeless existence

[malign]

I'm sorry, I have no interest or benefit in making this personal between you and me, "lifeless existence". If I come across as self-righteous, I'm sorry. I have an opinion, but I readily acknowledge that it's just mine.

[lifeless existence]

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Edited October 24, 2009 by lifeless existence

[Recluse]

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Edited May 7, 2010 by Recluse

[nearlydead]

Filthy, Welcome. From your post, it is clear that your particular fear with your penis size, is that in its flaccid state you feel uncomfortable with your penis being seen, then possibly ridiculed by other men. There are a load of threads where men who have had the same fears, and then conquered them at this link. Youre English is very good, and far better than american:)

http://www.measurection.com/

Lifeless and Recluse, both you, and myself have small penis's that as far as the doctors are concerned, meet the clinical definiation of adequate. ie we do not have micropenis. But each of us has a penis which is smaller than the accepted average, that makes us feel inadequate, each for our own reasons.

Recluse's fear is girth, so cannot satisfy a woman. Lifeless feels/knows that he is too small and cannot satisfy a woman. Myself having had the most sexual expeirence (I think:rolleyes:) Know's that both of you are wrong, and that you both just have to be brave and go shag a few women. I know this to be FACT, but even I cannot accept it or truly beleive it. Penis size may be a bigger problem for me, than it is for any woman. If women dont truly care as much as I think they do, then I have wasted my life. If women do think Im scum because of my penis, then I was right all along. No win situation:confused:

Recluse, Lifeless, nearly, I think we have to ask ourselves why are we posting on this forum. Is it:

1. Just to vent/moan. They dont understand (which they obviously dont) my life/penis is crap, backing up our statements as 100% fact with surveys, quotes and anecdotes etc. which we all can.

2.Or are we here looking for a cure.

We know that we are stuck with these rotten poxy dicks. The only cure is to change our attitudes about our small dicks, which means that we are all going to have to accept that some or most of our beliefs MAY be wrong. We must go through fear, ignore rejection and beat the crap out of ridicule.

Would be interested if anyone agree's with me.

[nearlydead]

As an angry small dick man, I found the quote at the bottom of this page and the following two pages usefull.

http://www.penissizedebate.com/page53_small-penis-advice.htm

Dont read the rest of the site though, its all bad news for us. The site is set up to sell a book about "Self acceptance". The site is set up to SELL!

[IrmaJean]

I think maybe what Allan was referring to in referencing Howard Stern is about the general message that society is sending out. We are bombarded with images and ideas of how things supposedly are in the world, when in truth this is not the real world. On television (or radio talk shows) fantasy is often portrayed as reality. There is a focus on superficial things when there are deeper and more meaningful truths to be found in real human beings.

I agree that self-acceptance is the key.

Perhaps visiting the site is helpful in offering a place to discuss how you feel about this.

I would say again that sexual relations are not one dimensional. Ideally, sex is about love and sharing and expressing your feelings. To me, it's not about performance or measurements. It's about people and people are all built differently. Differences make us individuals. I have always seen beauty in that. I know I've said this before, but I have never even once considered my husband's size. I consider his person.

I also still feel some of you appear focused on having to "win a girl over". There is something there with self-esteem and feelings of your own worth as a person. Just being yourself and believing in that would likely attract women.

It can be frightening sometimes to consider possibilites other than what the mind has set in its way to believe. But there are other truths out there to be discovered. I hope that some of you can open your thoughts up to believing in that.

Edited October 21, 2009 by IrmaJean

[IrmaJean]

I'd be interested in seeing a survey of the very same women done 10 years later. Perhaps having more life experience might change their perspective on life in general. 18-20 year olds likely don't feel the same as 20-30 years olds or 30-40 year olds.

Maybe try not to condemn yourself with potential rejections before even giving yourself the opportunity.

Edited October 27, 2009 by IrmaJean

[nearlydead]

Irma, that survey was garnered from women of all age groups, with roughly equal numbers from 18 to 26, 26 40 odd.

The survey quite clearly states that of the women who where with the 6% of male respondants who were small, felt disatified with thier partners size.

Size doe's not matter to 85% of women, however 96% of men are larger than me, recluse or lifeless. From what I understood from that survey was that size is not really an issue for women, as long as thier man is not small. ie in the lower 6% of sizes, in which case they are dissatified with the partners.

Repeatadly telling us that there are women out there who love unconditionly, and love the whole person, sounds to me as gushing hippy bull. I think you are assuming that we are all looking for the "one", I am not. I wanted just to date, and be recognised as a virile sexual man. When a woman touch's or sees my penis for the first time she will think small. Unless deranged no woman seeing my penis will think of it positively. Nobody wants a small house, car, bank account, boat, job etc.

People like me can really only develop a thick skin, ignoring other peoples responses to our penis's, and at the same time convince ourselves that we are not sub human because of our unfortunate size.

There are women who frequently marry amputees, disabled, disfigured men, because they love them. But these men should they want just to date women will find it difficult, compared to normal men.

[IrmaJean]

I apologize for commenting on the article without having actually read it.

I realize that my views are idealistic, but those sentiments are genuinely my truth and how I view things. I personally feel compelled by the pain of those who perceive themselves as "less than" others. It is painful to me that anyone ever feels this way about themselves. I was trying to open your mind to having a more positive view of yourself. I hope that one day you will.

[John Rutledge]

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Edited October 27, 2009 by John Rutledge

[Guest ASchwartz]

Hi Everyone,

I did read the article and the results of the study and it is constantly being misread and misinterpreted. In fact, so much so and I have pointed it out so many times that it grows tiresome.

Whenever someone quotes a percent, you have to ask, "a percent of what?"

The 6% of those women is NOT 6% of the total. It is 6% of the women with men who insist they are small. In other words, 94% of the women with men who insist they are small do not agree. We are talking about a number of unhappy women that is such a tiny percentage that it is ridiculous. This penis size issue is something that men hold in their heads. Even when MD;s examine men who come to them with these doubts, and, the doctors, on examination, assure them that they are normal, these men do not believe the doctor. Nothing convinces these men, not being married, not having children, not having good sex lives, nothing. The reason is that this is a delusion, a very painful delusion to have, but a delusion, nevertheless, kind of akin to anorexia nervosa.

Allan

[John Rutledge]

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Edited October 27, 2009 by John Rutledge

[IrmaJean]

And I think, as with just about every difficulty one encounters in their life, there is almost always much more to the difficulty than what is at first presented. There are deeper issues involved.

I suppose that is why I have made a few contributions in this area of the forum - I would like to think that, in spite of the difficulty we "outsiders" have in understanding this problem fully, our perspectives may prove to be of some help to those inside the trap in making their way out.

Exactly. I feel the same way.

My question for Allan then...or anyone else...would be just how do you help someone to get out of this trap? Like with ED or false perceptions? How to break the wall down or help someone see a different perspective?

Edited October 21, 2009 by IrmaJean

[robyn]

Hi,

I have had this argument a thousand times regrding the UCLA data. As I am not so good at maths it took me a while to appreciate the subtlety but as I understand it is as follows.

15% of women are unhappy with there partner size

That doesnt mean to say they are not happy generally or not in love or have strong opinions on whether 'size matters'

6% of men were identified as 'small'. Of these men 70% of their female partners did not find their penises of adequate size. Again no mention of general happiness.

Some women appear disatisfied with medium and need larger

About 2% of all men are small AND have satisifed partners

About 4% of men are small and have unsatisfied partners

About 11% of men are medium and still have unsatisfied partners

About 83% of men are medium/large have satisfied partners

Its these stats that have been my achilles heel in trying to help.

[lifeless existence]

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Edited October 24, 2009 by lifeless existence