Missing Therapy

[goose]

Due to the Christmas break, my therapist is taking 2 weeks off. It didn't bother me when he mentioned it. I was sure it was not going to effect me.

He did give me his mobile phone number and said to contact him if I was feeling unwell, he would arrange to see me and not to think it would be an inconvenience. It is not something I would ever do (disturb the therapist during the holiday period).

I have been in weekly therapy for 6 months now, I just did not realize how dependant I have become. I suppose it didn't help that I had a major crisis at home the day before my last session.

On the other hand this time allows me to assess how things have progressed and what still needs to be addressed. Just feeling very confused at the moment.:confused:

Goose

[Bluerose]

Goose,

Hi again. I mixed dates up a couple of months ago where I thought I was seeing my psych doc in Oct it turned out it wasn’t till Nov. I called my ordinary doctor in a panic and he fixed for me to talk to someone else in the meantime. I wonder if that‘s an option for you. Maybe sticking around here might also help to distract you a little. It works for me - most of the time.

Best wishes.

[David O]

I remember becoming "addicted" to therapy (I'm not suggesting you are, of course) and thinking that at some point it was more enjoyable than real life. It's hard to go w/o when we have so many issues and concerns, and especially when we don't feel like we have the emotional resources to go it alone for any length of time.

You're right, this is good time to assess progress, but even more importantly, it's an excellent time to develop self reliance and self empowerment-- sometimes going it alone can prove to be the most powerful experience of self affirmation. This self affirmation may increase your coping skills, self mastery and capacity to problem solve and fill your own cup.

I would see this as a tremendous opportunity for personal growth and self mastery---- and even if you falter, it's a good way to determine where you are and how much more or less help you may need.

Incidentally, when you talk about feeling confused, can you say a little bit more about this? Thanks

Good luck Goose,

David

[goose]

Thanks Rose for your suggestion. I don't feel that I need to see someone before my next session on 9th Jan. I just feel surprised how much I miss the sessions, giving that I find them very challenging and that the therapist is very pro-active. Talking here always helps - thanks.

David because of this break in therapy I have had to make decisions on my own without guidance, so this must be good.

My confusion is due to this :

I am hypersensitive (part of avpd) so I do not cope well with moodiness in people. Now my husband can be very moody (not only my impression - has been confirmed by others) so is it my problem that I can't cope with this or his problem for being moody - should I become less sensitive or him less moody?. He can not see this in himself. It effects me in the way that I am afraid to tell him certain things because I am afraid of his reaction.

Goose

[IrmaJean]

Hi Goose,

I hope that you will be gentle with yourself about this. It's okay to miss your therapist. I still miss mine at times and I've been out of therapy for more than a year. Oddly enough, for me, allowing myself to need him during therapy eventually led me down the path to self-empowerment. I needed that safe, emotional holding space to truly discover myself. Being attached to your therapist could prove to be very healing in the long run. Maybe think about what is missing while he is gone. How has he been meeting your needs, Goose?

Take care.

[goose]

I agree with you fully IrmaJean about having a place to fully and safely explore myself. This is the first person I have ever opened up to, he is the only one I have been able to reveal certain events and feeling to - this is my major gain from therapy.

On the other hand I do not feel any connection with him, I find it impossible to read him, he is an expert at not showing reaction to anything. I know nothing about him personally, I presume that he is married because he wears a wedding ring, but he does not give anything of himself, he is professional to the core.

So I believe it is the therapy process, not the therapist that I miss. ?

Goose

[malign]

So, if I can follow up with where IrmaJean is going ...

Some day, whatever you're getting from the therapy process, you're going to need to give to yourself. Once you learn how, you don't need therapy any more. What she's getting at is to try to identify what you've been needing, and not getting.

So, an answer like "This is the first person I have ever opened up to" is just what she's looking for. Not that you're going to be so revealing with everybody, or even with any, but that you have the need, that's an important bit of self-knowledge. The idea that it's even possible to be that open with another human is probably new. Now you can move on to the idea that it can be healthy, useful, and even fun! :-)

No one says you have to connect to him as a human.

After all, it's you that you're trying to connect to.

But you've learned from him that it's possible, and that you miss it when you don't have it.

[IrmaJean]

I find it interesting how therapists are all so different. I'm glad you feel safe enough to explore your feelings with him. It is nice to be heard and have to place to express yourself. Would journaling about your feelings be helpful during your therapy break?

[dazed&confuzed]

Hi Goose...I was just getting ready to post something on this same topic and then I saw yours! I miss my therapist terribly, and it has only been 8 days since I was there (I see him in 2 days, thank GOD...I normally see him twice a week.)

Anyway, it sounds to me as if you feel like you are able to open up in therapy in a way that you can't w/your husband, which is obviously a tough situation. Now that you are without therapy, the imbalance in your relationship could perhaps seem more obvious? And I think you might currently feel without a safe place to go be yourself where you won't be misunderstood or rejected. (I know this is how I feel. )

I would think your therapist would be interested in knowing how you felt during this time off, and Irma Jean's suggestion to journal is an excellent one! I know it helps me.

Take care,

D&C

[goose]

Thanks Malign

You have made sense of it for me (as usual:)). One of the goals that we have established is that I will eventually be able to trust people enough to open up to them.

Journaling I think is a good idea IrmaJean because all this stuff is going around in my head at the moment.

D&C the area we are in discussion with at the moment is my relationship with my husband, this is probably why it is foremost in my mind. I am trying to use the cbt stratagies myself to figure this out, it is scary doing it on my own .

Goose

[Bluerose]

Thanks Rose for your suggestion. I don't feel that I need to see someone before my next session on 9th Jan. I just feel surprised how much I miss the sessions, giving that I find them very challenging and that the therapist is very pro-active. Talking here always helps - thanks.

I only see my psych doc once a month. I wonder if seeing them more often is what causes the ‘missing therapy’. Can’t say I’ve ever felt that way. But I do like things to go ahead as planned. If someone has to reschedule I‘m afraid that causes a problem for me because I get quite worked up before hand. One time I had waited a few weeks for an appointment, I hadn‘t slept the night before the appointment, and I was sitting waiting for my sister to give me a lift there when the phone rang and they said they were sorry but they would have to reschedule as there had been a bit of a mix up. I don‘t think they realise what a set back that can be.

[goose]

I understand where you are coming from in relation to cancelled appointments, you build yourself up so much, and then the extra wait can be torture.

I'm seeing my Psychiatrist once every 3 months ~ was 6 months until my last crisis . I see the Psychologist once a week - this is a private arrangement as the Mental Health clinic I go to does not offer therapy.

I am considering asking the Psychiatrist to reduce my anti-depressants when I see her in Jan. I havn't been taking the anti-psychotics she gave me at the last visit and I seem to be ok. I am now convinced that my lapses into Depression are totally based on my negative thinking, so the cbt rather than medication is the way to go with that.

Goose

[Symora]

May I come in... I have been seeing someone once a month or so since September. I like him, but 1 hour a month does not open things up enough within me to release much tension, although it does give me some ideas. Slow progress... I have never found a therapy that really helped - it usually end up making me feel like I got a taste but I want more.... I think it's because my need is to connect to others at a very human level which I find in these threads, but that there is often that professional distance with a therapist.

I think that added to the negative feelings can be stressful life circumstances. For me it's all the loss that striggered the depression I think. Once the confused emotions started twirling in my mind, I tstarted putting negative spins on everything, and then it all got very chaotic..... I've seen a pattern that I can recognize this time, usually I've just lived it like a muddled mess and I eventually pull myself out without really having understood it.

What a miracle the Internet! I have learned so much in the last few weeks and it has opened up a whole new way of seeing thing....

I do continue to have a concern that I need to keep my life very simple. I know there is nothing wrong with that, but I think I have more of an adventurous spirit than that, but emotionally I am not strong enough for the ride.... I think that's what's making me feel like I'm not me anymore. It's like a new boring me that I'll have to get used to, and maybe there's even some grief that goes with that ...

[Bluerose]

Long and short of it is that I did most of the work myself. For at least the first fifteen years I kept it all to myself and let them treat me for depression believing that, that was the result of a crappy childhood and my dad’s suicide. I spent a small fortune on books and haunted the local library and then found the net. You’re right, it was a god send. I never opened up to a doc the way I open up to people on boards. I have honestly found it so very healing. I think it’s all about getting it out there and not letting it fester inside.