IrmaJean Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 Lifeless, I really think he was trying to help. No one is entertained by your pain. It's hard to "read" the intent of stuff online sometimes. No one here on this page is against you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 ........................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 I am not sick of talking about it, Lifeless. I just don't want you drowning in your own pain. I want you to make an effort to get well. So we can talk, but talk with finding ways to feel better in mind. Talk with a purpose for moving forward. You know what I mean? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 LE,Can I ask, how do you know we're sick of talking about it?Or is that just another assumption?I don't think even ND is really amused by your pain, and remember, he knows what it feels like, too. Personally, I'm just trying to listen to you, and offer my observations when I think of something I hope is helpful. And I'm aware that I might be wrong, but I won't be angry at you, or bored with you, if it doesn't help. I hope, in return, you'll forgive me for trying. And I'll just go back to listening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 ......................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 Is it completely unacceptable to define a different goal, then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 ....................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 ............................................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 You're welcome, LE.So, you say insecurity is just another "unacceptable" flaw in you ...Can I question that assumption?I accept that you're insecure, at the moment. I've been pretty insecure, myself, at times, maybe over different things. But I think it's a fairly common experience. One that people accept, having been through it themselves.I can see that even a little confirmation of your assumptions might help them to run wild. It doesn't take many girls rejecting a guy before he starts to feel rejected.But so many times, girls reject a guy because of their problems, not his. To me, a girl who goes out of her way to tell people a guy is small has her own issues to deal with. It's a very immature way for her to look at the relationship, much less to not consider the impact of her words on the guy. After all, if she doesn't want to be with him, she doesn't have to, but spreading rumors is childish.Unfortunately, if the guy already has a belief that it's his problem, how else would he react except to strengthen his assumption?That's what really has to happen, then: break down the assumption that there's no way to be happy, because at the moment, you're just making it happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 .............................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 You don't do anything the way normal people do?How do you breathe? Do you put your pants on by jumping into both legs simultaneously?Forgive me for teasing you about it, a bit, but I perk up whenever I hear absolute words like "nothing" or "anything". For one thing, because those are what _I_ used to cement myself into my old attitudes ...LE, you need to find ways to test some of these assumptions. I know how dangerous that's going to sound, to you, and I realize that you'll have to start slowly.But I'd be willing to wager that you're not any more "different" than the rest of us; probably less different than most, because you've been trying to blend in and not be noticed. So yeah, I would suspect that you're projecting your own belief onto the people around you, again.Can we look into how you know that there's more wrong with you than that? Could we explore, say, an average day's interactions, and see what you think you're doing "wrong"? I would assume that precise penis size does not arise that often, in everyday interaction, so, what else is "different"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 ............................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 Okay, breathes like Darth Vader but puts pants on normally! :-)You seem to have identified a reasonable list of things to work on, right there:"I think a lot of it stems from being anxious, insecure, and lacking knowledge and experience in being assertive. And maybe just a touch of OCD ..."Notice that only the OCD is a diagnosable mental issue. The rest, in fact, do stem from you thinking that there's a problem. They involve skills training, and some attitude adjustments, but not necessarily any deep psychoanalytical couch work.Yep, no daily interactions does sound like part of the problem. So, what do you propose to do about that? :-)Dude, go for a walk. It can be in the mountains, alone, but don't let yourself stay cooped up. Talk to people, even if it's just to say "hello" as you pass. Every single step in which you treat yourself as a human being is one step closer to feeling like one.Oh, and talk to Beth; she's been worried about you. :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 I say that it's an unacceptable flaw because I'm insecure all of the time now and I know it would be a big turn off. Confidence is usually #1 on the list of traits that women look for in a partner. Part of being confident, I think, means accepting that you're human and not perfect. I've struggled with confidence and insecurity as well. It's getting better now though I still have my moments. Someone once said that our greatest fear is in our power and not in our insecurities...or something to that effect. Anyone have that exact quote? Does that ring true with you at all, LE?I think a lot of it stems from being anxious, insecure, and lacking knowledge and experience in being assertive. And maybe just a touch of OCD, which I believe came about as a result of the depression. I could nod yes to much of that as well. I was never diagnosed as OCD, but do also have some of those tendencies. Intrusive thoughts can really take on a life of their own sometimes. Do you have methods of calming your nerves? I agree about walking outside. Always therapeutic.If verbal interactions would be helpful, you know how to get in touch with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nearlydead Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 They're not rants. I'm not fat. Fuck you and everyone else who is entertained by my grief. I hope far worse grief comes to you soon. Sayonara.You PM'ed me once, and told me you were 30lbs overwieght. Im not entertained by your grief. Your grief is the same shit I go through. Im entertained by your constantly losing it and having a go at people who are trying to help you, especially when they say something stupid like "replace it with toys and romance" I am not entertained by your grief, pain etc, but sometimes your misplaced anger makes me laugh. Its one of the changes in my behaviour that I have made. Otherwise I would of probably replied to your dig about going back to the pub with a similar comment as the great C word incident of September 09.However, I appollogise if my comments have upset you, it was not my intention in most cases. The times when I have deliberatly tried to needle you were in a clumsy attempt at provoking you into positive action.But for now, I will stay out of your discussions, especially as your last few posts with Malign seem to see you covering some important stuff for yourself.Good luck LL, I am not the enemy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetmom2 Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 I appoligise for upsetting you. I dnt say you must hide it i said that you must do foreplay and then do sex. Foreplay, romance, imagination, contributes to the womens sexual mood. When you enter her then size wont matter cuz shell be tight. I hated sex for 10 years. I only recently started to enjoy sex cuz my hub started to light candles, kiss me in the neck. I also started with lubr. My husb p is short bt thick. Half of his p is in his ballsack. I am speaking out of exp. Love is accepting the persons weaknesses. I know your p is your pride. Accept yourself. Some women fear large p others want it big.some women have big boops and other have small ones. I had huge ones and i got a neg self image and i couldnt find bikinis or the right bra's. Now mind is small and i love them. Now and then my hub gives me a silicone comment then i just say do you want it real or fake? Lol real always wins Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nearlydead Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 Hi Sweetmomthanks for your insights, they are very helpful. Your husband sounds very special in so many ways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nearlydead Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 I cant wait for this;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 .............................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nearlydead Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 If it results in a cure, I'd gladly pay you millions. a therpist told me that the only thing wrong with me is that I think there's something wrong with me. I know better than thatThe last few posts you have said more about your other problems surrounding this stuff. Assumptions wrong or right, OCD tendancies, knowing your making the wrong decissions, but doing so anyway. These are the nuts and bolts of this problem.Assumptive thinking is one of the subjects covered by Burn's in his book, as one of his "distorted thinking patterns" along with the dogmatic behaviour of doing things "anyway", even when you know they are wrong. Have you read the Burn's handbook? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted April 28, 2010 Report Share Posted April 28, 2010 ............................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted April 29, 2010 Report Share Posted April 29, 2010 I've been riding my bike a lot and pushing myself to bump up the intensity level a notch or two. This is great! I do think that being aware that you are doing the wrong thing is the first step to eventually putting a stop to behavior that doesn't serve you positively. Awareness of self is very key, so this is a great start, Lifeless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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IrmaJean Posted April 29, 2010 Report Share Posted April 29, 2010 Sounds like it. Could you see a Pdoc for meds? Is there any chance there might be some available where you are? I wish you could have another go at therapy with a qualified therapist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lifeless existence Posted April 29, 2010 Report Share Posted April 29, 2010 ............................ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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