I am so disappointed

[Luna-]

Today is my birthday. I am one year away from a very round half-century. For many years I have been in depressive episodes on my birthday and just wished they would go away. This year I actually feel well and was quite excited this morning about actually feeling good on my birthday. (Simple pleasures, huh.)

My two daughters (20 and 17) wished me Happy Birthday during the morning. (The oldest forgot until her boyfriend reminded her.) And... that was it. That’s all there is. No little token gift or card or anything. Not even a little branch with pretty leaves from the garden (it's winter here). No attempt of any kind. They know I don’t like surprise parties or dinners or that sort of thing, so there isn’t anything still to come.

I feel so disappointed I am in tears. This isn’t how I raised them to treat me and I deserve just a little better than this. I debated whether or not to say anything, decided it was better to be upfront than act the martyr so I said, “Do you perhaps have a little present for me?” How sad is it when you actually have to ask. But I didn’t want to be passive-aggressive over it because that isn’t what I want to teach them. She hedged and said, “I’m working on it”. It’s not quite the same when you have to ask though, is it? It’s 3pm and I assume she is still “working on it.”

So I came here for a little bit of comfort. I am so disappointed and I feel so sad. :~(

My only consolation is that at least this isn’t depression. I just feel sad in response to a sad situation.

[Calla]

Luna, I am literally running out of the door so sorry I don't have time to give a decent response. But I wanted to say a heart felt "Happy Birthday" And I'm sorry the day hasn't started off well. I remember being that age and presents were always last minute. It didn't mean I didn't care I was just young and slightly absent minded. I hope your day gets better.

[danni]

Happy Birthday Luna!!! I'm so sorry you are disappointed. It must be kind of a lonely feeling!! I'm wondering if your daughters aren't trying to be unkind but rather following a pattern you had set regarding birthdays (you said that usually you are depressed and want them to just fly by.)

what about taking the lead with this and throwing your own party. Have dinner or go out, invite them along and make it a celebration. They will get the message pretty quick that this is important to you!!

And....for what it's worth....

"happy birthday to you. happy birthday to you. happy birthday dear luuuuuunnnnnnaaaaaa.....happy birthday to you"

that's me singing very loud and VERY off key just for you :p Happy Birthday

[Lindamomof7]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUNA!!!

I'm so sorry you are feeling that way, sad but yes it is different then depression but hurts the same. My kids have a tough time with celebrations with me and I think they are just afraid. Afraid of us not feeling well. And, then afraid of how we will react or not. I dont know how you feel with holidays so I am not sure how your kids feel either. For me I often say I hate Mothers day, Christmas etc., is it depression talking? Or missing my family? But it doesnt matter, the kids have been exposed to it and I see they are confused as to what to do for me.

I'm not sure if this applies to you Luna, but I do understand. So as communicative as you are with us, can you be that way with your daughters?? Maybe they are looking for some kind of sign or guidance as to how to proceed with a Mom who struggles daily.

Hugs and love to you on your Birthday

[Symora]

Hi Luna, I'm so glad to hear that this birthday is not a depressive one. I would not worry too much about the girls not being sensitive to your birthday, they are at a selfish and self-centered age. If you turn it into a joke and tease them about it over the year, they will not make that mistake twice

I hope you did something for yourself, at least that way you know you will enjoy it ....

Bonne fête Luna .... Bonne fête Luna... Bonne fête, bonne fête, bonne fête Lunaaaaa!

[Luna-]

Thanks so much guys. I just burst into tears again when I saw the huge letters, but these are very happy ones. Danni, I love your voice. And I love the French version, Symora, merci.

I will make my own birthday - tomorrow if need be. When I turned 40, I had just been dumped out of a relationship, so I threw a big party 6 months later. It was good.

My youngest was out most of the day. She just popped back in. She didn't get me anything either.

They always have in the past. If it wasn't my own birthday, I'd haul them over the coals and send them out to get something. Inconsiderate kids. (That's Mom talking.)

[IrmaJean]

Happy birthday, Luna!!!

My family (including my husband) forgets mine almost every year. I've come to expect it by this point. I don't care about getting anything, I just want them to remember me, you know?? At any rate, I can very much relate to this.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! You are important and you are loved. :) Don't forget to do something nice for yourself today.

[Luna-]

I think it was the little me that was so disappointed. She had her Good Cry and now we feel better.

[danni]

my inner child is giving your inner child a hug now....

(((luna)))

[Luna-]

Thanks danni - hug back.

[Guest ASchwartz]

Luna and Danni,

Happy Birthday, Luna.

Luna and Danni, my inner child is giving your inner children a huge hug, also.

Allan

[Catmom]

Allan-

Why is it that I picture your inner child with a beard?

Catmom

[malign]

Loonie,

I'm sorry I missed your birthday! {Though technically it's still the 7th here ...}

Happy (Century / 2) - 1!!!!!!!!

I will not subject you to my singing, nor do I look good in large pink letters.

But I will have some cake, if you have extra. ;-)

And (once I have the cake firmly in hand), I will remind you that you'll always be five months ahead ...

[Newmommy]

Happy Birthday!!! Another year you made it in this tough yet beautiful life!!

Although your disappointment may have passed already, maybe you should remember this and take it as a teachable moment for them and when their birthdays come around remind them of how special they feel when they get a gift from you that others feel just as special when received by them.

[Catmom]

My two daughters (20 and 17) wished me Happy Birthday during the morning. (The oldest forgot until her boyfriend reminded her.) And... that was it. That’s all there is. No little token gift or card or anything. Not even a little branch with pretty leaves from the garden (it's winter here). No attempt of any kind. They know I don’t like surprise parties or dinners or that sort of thing, so there isn’t anything still to come.

Hi Luna-

I "lurked" yesterday in that I read this thread, could really relate to it, but didn't post.

Please accept my apology for being late in wishing you Happy Birthday. I just turned 50 this year and it was a bit tough.

All holidays and my birthday bum me out because it underscores how isolated I feel. I do not have (human) children, but from what you have said, that is no automatic assurance that someone will make a big deal of my birthday

This year I had one friend who took me out to eat and on my birthday itself, I twisted a coworkers arm to go to dinner with me and she ended up not showing up. (She was pretty spacey so I am not sure if she did it on purpose or by accident).

Anyway, thanks for sharing Luna, it is a comfort to know that I am not alone in my feelings.

***HUGS***

Catmom

P.S. I hope your day was at least decent if not fabulous. CM

[IntoxicatedFrog]

-----------------------

[Endlessnight]

Luna...I'm so sorry I didn't read this until now. It made me cry.

A belated VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!! :)Gives you a big hug.

I'm sorry you felt sad my dear. I wish your daughters had done something special for your 50th! But, as someone else said, they were probably not sure how to behave on your special day, besides which they are at an age when they are their own centres of the universe!

I do know how it feels to be forgotten on your birthday though so I can relate to what you are feeling. Birthday's aren't celebrated here, and I never had a birthday party when I was a child.

My cousin and my nieces gave me my first ever birthday party two years ago and I will remember it forever. (I got a teddy bear!)

This year I just treated myself. I bought myself a gift and said 'happy birthday M.'

Now do the same for yourself and invite your daughters out or throw yourself a party. That way they won't forget again!

My best wishes to you always.

p.s.

sorry about the shouting

[Luna-]

Thanks again everyone. I did end up getting a chocolate from each of them. But despite how it might have sounded, it really wasn't about "I want a present". Oh well, live and learn. (Oh and M, it was my 49th birthday, still have a year to go to 50.)

[Aaron.X.C]

Happy Belated Birthday, hmm, I just give my parents a card on their birthday. I don't even know how old they are, is that bad. I can never remember. I'm just happy I can remember my own age, sometimes I've literally forgot lol. Short-Term memory sucks.