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58corvette
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Just as im feeling ok bout things & trying my best to help others. My son just came back to Hotel Room & told me his car has been Stolen with all His Work Mechanic Tools in the Car to boot.

He now just reported it to Police & because of his own Warrants he may end up in Jail Himself.

Darn; Everytime. Im not sure if this will bring him over the Edge; or me for that matter. Sometimes I just cant understand why people do the things they do?

Desperation, Greed you name it; I try to see the best in people; but it is times like this I continue to wonder. :rolleyes: :confused:

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You know if this is continuing karma for my Son & I right now so be it. I know there are people out there that dont care for either of us & some glad this stuff happened.

But eventually I will continue to believe things will turn around & get better. In the meantime I will also continue the best I can not to wish bad or harm on others. Just not worth it.

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I am very sorry for all of your troubles , and your son's. I use to think that bad things always happened in 3's. Then I felt like bad things happened all at once , then things would slowly start getting better. It is like I had to sink lower and lower , before improvement.

I hope the car will be recovered, and your son will stay out of jail. This has to be a very stressful time for you.

wishiing you the best. and hoping things will become easier for you and your son.

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Just knowing this & your encouraging replys will continue to give me Hope. Man the timing of this was just so frustrating. It's almost like an ongoing step forward & two steps back.

Sometimes I think of myself as a Phoenix; The Mythical Bird that perishes & comes back from the Ashes time & again. Need to just do it again.

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mscat; thank you for your reply, thoughts & hopes for my Son & I.

Shannon; As of right now the Police have not brought up his warrants. However im sure as his name comes through the system it will come up.

At that point I can only hope for the best. For him it was his only Transportation & means of side income doing Mechanic Work. Now that is all gone.

I admit the Stress is getting Tremendous. Somehow, Someway just need to continue to hope for the best.

Thanx Again;

Sincerely; Jim

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For me I think part of it is he is my Son & despite his Legel Issues, Shortcomings & Addiction. He has been my only company in so many ways through the years. Especially the last few.

Im not sure how bad it will be for him. In this State you never know. I just suggested to him to get a Public Defender & he was getting ready to Monday & see if he could get some lenancy & start getting his life back together.

The sad thing is in order for him to get any legitimate Job in his Profession he needs a License, Transportation & his Tools. Every time he tries to do the right thing there is a Major Setback & since were together & I have no one else it directly affects me.

I truly hope both of us continue to have the Strength to get through this last setback.

And I know People are here for me on this Site. Im just hoping I have enough Money to continue to pay for internet. I apologise for my recent Soapbox. This one caught me by surprise again.

Sincerely; Jim

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just so tired of living a f_ _ _ _d up Life, being poor & living in this hotel room with nothing to my name. just let out some of my anger & frustration in front of my son. most of it towards bad people & life in general. I feel so D_M bad for my son. he deserved a better dad & person than I have been.

Anyway after i let out my little rant, he just told me to"Chill Out"& im not helping him at all. Made me feel about 2 inches tall; like some kid. True im not helping him by letting anything out. What is frustrating for me is he lets out a lot with me & I take it & try the best I can to help him most of the time.

I just cant help either of us right now & I know tomorrow when reality sets in even more for both of us it will be even worse. Just from past experience.

If I had a massive sleeping Pill I would take it Right Now. Just to sleep this ongoing S _ _ T & Nightmare away. Not looking for any Sympathy or any other stuff some think I have been looking for here.

Right now I just have to write & let off Steam, Anxiety, Anger, Depression & knowing im just not tired enough with to much on my mind to SLEEP.

These continue to be the times I Miss My Own Dad So Much. Just someone to look up to myself & know that things will somehow be OK. For me I feel like a Failure in that I havent been as successful & stable as my Dad as a person & child of his.

And to my Son I feel he wishes his Mom & I were still together & could offer him more; like my own parents did for me. Ya im 52 freaking yrs. old & he is 27yrs. old. but ya never stop being a chlld of your parents or a parent to your own child.

This Sucks. Goes to show again you never know how your day will go from the time you get up. Started good, with hope & went down fast. that darn hard middle ground no matter what life gives you. BALANCE, BALANCE, BALANCE. im done writing my bs for now.

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It so difficult to sleep when you are weighted down with stress and worries. I hope that it will be all right for the 2 of you soon. Life is such a catch 22, darn if you do darn if you don't. Oh so familiar with that myself.

I wish I could give some sort of wisdom and answers. Just hang in there and do the best you can, I know thats all I can do right now.

Shannon

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Everyone; Thankyou for your continued Support after my Rambling. I wish I had the Answers myself. It is a grey day here; kinda fits the situation.

Maybe this is going to have to be the way it is for my Son & I. We both are going to have to hit Rock Bottom before things turn around.

I am angry at a few things that I just cant change. I hope they find the Person or People that Stole my Son's Car & Tools; Lock them up & throw away the Key. I know his car & tools are history & that just angers the heck out of me. He was at least trying to turn his life around again.

My little brother & my ex wife who both have manipulated People, My family & the Courts seem to get away with everything & come out unscathed.

Ya Life isnt Fair & its no bowl of Cherries. I have heard, seen & dealt with a lot of it. And maybe somehoe this will be good for my Son to start turning his Life around. Right now though neither of us can seem to catch a break whatsoever.

And for you SHANNON I will continue to hope the very best. You have Always been here for me from the First time I came on & Posted on this Site no matter what.

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Jim,

Is their anyway you guys could into low income housing? Do you and your son have food stamps? You might be elgible for government assistance.

I had family members in dire straights. Watched them struggle , living in a trailer behing a building. No running water , nothing. the had major problems with drugs and drinking. And the law.

They moved around a lot too . Somehow they survived. They are my biological side of the family, in which I have little contact with.

At least your trying and wanting the best for your son. Having his car stolen, with all his tools is really terrible. That is one of the worst things that could of happened , and it did.

Things got to start looking up for you guys. Hitting rock bottom , i understand. Problem is that your never really sure that your there or not... How much more could things go wrong...

Could the Salvation army help? With food, and getting a place to live. Just throwing some suggrstions here.

Best wishes, and keep fighting to get out of this mess. Your a good father . Supprting your son and being there for him . That is what a good parent does. No matter what the age is of your kids.

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Thank You so much for your Advice, Continued Support & Caring.

We looked into Low Income Housing. At least a 6month to year wait. :confused:

I had food stamp assistance briefly before I cashed in my retirement & they stopped it immediatly. Matter of fact even though I was truthful & prompt on everything; they now say I owe them back $$$$. Da_ned if you do; Da_ned if you dont. :confused:

Salvation Army is something I probably will have to look into Real SOON.

And yes I continue to try my best to support all my Children, despite my own issues. As you said No Matter what the Age. I will always be their Dad & they will always be my Children. That last a Lifetime.

Thanx Again mscat. A lot of this is Embarrising, Discouraging, Seemingly Endless & Depressing. But I need to just keep Surviving, Living & hold out Hope. Just so Frustrating Again Yesterday when I thought we were just starting to turn the Corner.

Sincerely; Jim

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Jim,

I have been a single parent of a disabled son for 17 years now.. We do live in HUD housing, but even that sometimes is not enough to make it through each month. I am fully disabled too. Srill trying to catch up from December. All i can hope for is that FEB will pull out of this debit. Starting the new month already at a negative balance in the Bank.

It is never easy. So many people are struggling right now . my brother is getting evicted from his rental house. He has two kids and a wife, and animals.

Honestly I do not see a lot of people doing really well at all . Only the super rich, who seem to always get richer.

Times are tough, very tough. I do not see why you would owe anyone money. So you cashed in your retirement money to live on. You probably had no choice.

Maybe now , that things have change either your son or you could re apply for foodstamps?

Yes the waiting lists for section 8 or HUD housing is long. A lot of times their is a waiting list, but not all those people qualify. And the list moves faster then.

Those low income housing do not like to keep empty apartments. Just downstairs from me a family finally moved in . They have three children, wife and father, all in a 2 bedroom . That is a lot of people for just a 2 bedroom. We have 3 bedrooms . but they fill up faster then the 2 bedooms.

Look for canned food outlets , or in my small town , they give away boxes of food each month. Fruits, vegetables, pasta, rice , beans , stuff like that. Sometimes they have frozen chickens too.

When times got real tough I sold stuff on craigslist. My teaching supplies, my racing bike, my sons bike that was too small for him stuff like that.

My brother just cleaned out my storage area. He ended up finding a box full of stuff that I just gave to him. The rest was junk.

If your son has not done so already , check the local car impound. That car could be sitting there. The fees , though would be hard, but if it was stolen there might be some leeway.

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Thank you again for all your help & advise.

Right now I am so tired & drained. I just want this H_ _L to stop for both my Son & I.

He is Drugged out Again & I just dont know how much more I can take. Right now I honestly dont think he is going to make it out of his own Personel H_ _L & Addiction.

I have tried 2 times now writing the "Intervention Show" for HELP. I have heard nothing back at all. He has been in rehab, Methodone Clinic, Self De-Tox I dont know how many times.

And I have my Mental Issues. We are a couple of real Losers right now. I just told him I may end up either at Salvation Army, Streets, Hospital or his Sisters.

He does'nt know where he will be or what to do. He lies to me all the time about so many things. He thinks im Naive & sometimes I am over certain things.

We just had another argument as he was falling Asleep Face First in his food. Everytime that is his answer to Numb The World & His Stress. He has a terrible sad Addiction & it is Slowly Ripping his Life away. Mine to.

He will either end up with me in my Van, On the streets, Maybe Salvation Army & possibly Jail. Which may end up being the best thing for him or worst depending how he copes.

Right now I just dont know. But I have taken everyones Advise & will do the best I can. I dont wish this H_ _L on anyone that is directly affected seing a Loved Ones Life slowly rot away from Drugs or anything else.

Believe me if I could run away from it all right now I would. But it wont solve anything & Ill just worry about & miss my son.

I just wish I could get some type of SAFE INTERVENTION for both of us.

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Guest ASchwartz

Hi 58Corvette,

The situation is truly terrible and you deserve a lot of credit for coping with it. Many of us could not.

I know from past experience, both professional and personal, and from the literature, that its best to distance yourself from a loved one who is addicted. Now, this is the most painful and awful thing a parent has to to. We love our children and want to help them in any way possible.

The cruel thing is that, when dealing with addiction, they take advantage of the very love we feel for them in order to continue their abuse. Now, I am not saying that drug abuse is your fault, or my fault or any parent's fault because, for sure, its not. Its just that the addict uses us to get their drugs. If that means living at home, its the same thing: they use rent free status to use any cash to by drugs or alcohol.

Believe me: I know and not just from a book. Its from bitter personal experience.

So, what I am saying to you is that his problems are not your problems. It is not what "we are going through." Its what he is going through as a result of his drug abuse. Why should you want to die because of what he is doing? Why should you feel hopeless because of what he is doing. In point of fact, he should be helping you instead of using drugs and alcohol.

I understand that your economic situation is precarioius at best. What about public assistance? Now, you truly have no money and I am sure you can prove that. You said, if I remember correctly what you wrote, you may qualify for disability and that comes under social security. You would need a Doctor to help you prove that you are disabled.

Also, The Salavation Army, Catholic Charities and others such organizations may be able to help you. It does not matter what your religion is or if you have no religion.

I hope I am not coming across in a way that is offensive to you. These are a few ideas and thoughts that I hope can help you??

What do you think?

Allan

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I think Allan has a great point about talking to local charities. That is what they are set up for to help good people like yourself who just need a little support during a very tough time.

Man I so feel your heavy burden. Your where I was Jan, bad things on top of bad things.. you get hope just to have something else bad to happen. Wondering when it will stop and how bad it will get.

We have to focus on stopping the negative thoughts when they first pop up or it will eat at you like it does me.

Your a great father and this is not Karma.

I am right here with you.. we are emotionally fighting many of the same battles. As a community we hold each other up when we are hurting.

If you think this show is really what you need you should tell us how to get in touch with them. One message does not gather much attention multiple from many people does.

Of course you would have to PM all that want to help. Want to keep your personal info private :)

Edited by randomperson
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Dear Allan; First & Formost THANKYOU. Deep inside me I was truly hoping you would give me some imput. And not only did you; but I do know from your Professionalism & Personal Experience you are correct. NOTHING you said to me was Offensive AT ALL. I know in my Heart, Mind & Soul it is what I must do.

This is what I Feel about all of it Allan. Im SCARED, I dont want to be Alone again (Although I am dealing with just that Still), Im Embarassed, Feel Tremendous Guilt, Abandament & Loss Again, Frustrated, Confussed & Angry. And yes I am still trying to figure out how to Properely Distance Myself from my Son without him ending up Dead. I hate to use that word because it is Final. And sometimes my own Experience & Gut instinct tells me dont let go. Keep giving all you have. Just so I know he will be ok (And Me To).

It probably starts with my Older Brother's Death & the fact I wish I would have told him I LOVE You. He died in a Motorcyle Accident when I was a Senior in High School. My Life Changed Forever from that point on. The Death of my Dear Nephew (From Suicide in the most terrible way). And the guilt my Older Sister (his Mom) has dealt with since. Not doing enough to Save him.

Finally; My own Divorce (From my Son's Mom). I know it has impacted him So Much to This Day. So much Responsibility was put on him by his Mom ( I was taken out of the Picture) by her & Courts. Matter of fact I am Very Angry at her right now for not Helping or Caring enough with him. Ya maybe she's right; he is an Adult but she is Still His Parent & she is to Far the other way. She is Very Selfesh. Yes I have become to Attached in every way possible. But she has put way to much distance between herself & him. Everyone has Abandened Him & or Given up on him. Distanced themselves.

To me its like his Mom is saying; Ok I used him for what I could when I needed him; Now he's on his own & he needs to Straighten himself out. He became Addicted to Pain Pills shortly after the Seperation & During Divorce Proceedings. At some Point she has to take some Responsibilty for her own Actions & the effects it has had on him.

First I was to Hard on my Children & Lost them. Then I needed to be more of a Father to them. Then they wanted me back. Then my ex had trouble with my Daughter & her Boyfriend & asked for my help. Then she Recieved half my Retirement which put her through School & has'nt used any Money to help with Our Son. Now here We are. And yes I have Way to Many Issues I need to get over & on with my Life.

She (my ex) does have Drug & Alchohol Issues; but she is able to function & hide it so well. So she will never Admit to any part of either herself Issues with Men, Divorce (A History of it in her Family) or my Son's own Addiction or Problems as part her own doing. It is only Me & my Mental Issues. As a matter of fact she continues to use people herself (Including her own Mom) with living arrangements & Money.

This Again is Long I know Allan. Probably way to long; And again you are correct in Every way from your statement.

He should be helping me. And I guess I thought when I first returned we would help each other. In so many ways it's like im living with his Mom again. And we both know it. He has part of his Mom & Me in him. I honestly thought together we could overcome His Addiction, My Mental Problems, & both our issues.

I have just a little Money left. He still gets unemployment (not much longer). And yes when he gets hisMoney it is gone in a Heartbeat (Much of it to Drugs). While All my Money goes to this Hotel & other expences for both of us.

I still have the Attorney-Doctor's Phone number to make Appointment to see if I qualify for Dissability. I think I am suffering from PTSD. And know I deal with Depression & anxiety. My Stability with Work & other areas of my Life is iffy at best. So I know I need to get my Butt in gear with that. All I can do is try.

And Finally Salvation Army. I spoke with my Son about it last night. Whether we end up Together or me Alone it may be my final option at this point in time. He mentioned last night that yes his Drug use & Addiction has led to all of this Bad Stuff. And he is correct in many ways. But again he used it in PastTense. As if he is not doing it now. Im not Naive on that any more.

And I do know once an Addict (No matter what the Addiction); Always an Addict. That is why they have Help & Support Groups. Now I need to follow through on quite a bit & somehow get through this. It will be a long road I know. And at some point my Son needs to be a willing Participant. Again Jail, No Money, No Friends, The Streets; that may force the Issue with him; We shall see?

Random; THANK YOU. As I said Allan is Correct in every aspect. This Community & People such as yourself continues to give all of us Hope & a Place to Vent, Help, Be Helped & Relate. You mentioned INTERVENTION the Show; I am so Glad you said that. For a few reasons; Not only to continue to try to get the help my Son & I need; But Others here that it may Truly Help in some ways. Either by Watching it themselves, Going to Internet Site & learning more about it, or Contacting it themselves for Help & Intervention.

So here it is. http://www.aetv.com/intervention

I have also had my Twins contact show through there written Process & they have not heard back yet as well; from what I know?

Both me giving this internet site (I dont think Allan or Administrators) will mind? As far as me giving personal info; I know I should use my own discretion to only those here I Trust. I really want to & could use all multiple messages I can for help; you are correct.

But I know Allan & Administrators will give me much caution in that respect as it is such a fine line with internet info & such.

Finally; I started to watch a program on The Kennedy's last night. I was & still may write a Post that is directed towards them & the effects that they & other related subjects had on Me, So many other People & Nations & what has transpired with our own Country (USA) since.

Anyway; I turned it off when they mentioned how Robert Kennedy's own Son (I think it was his Oldest)? ended up becomming addicted to Pain Pills (After Robert's Death) and he ended up overdosing in a Hotel Room & died.

It just brought to much sadness to me at that point & the fear the same thing will happen to my Own Son.

Im sorry this has been so long. If it ends up Helping Me, My Son or any others Here at All then something good can come out of this.

Allan; Again Thank You for being here For ALL OF US!!!

Sincerely; Jim

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I completely understand what you ment & your intentions. You are True Gentleman yourself I know with only the best interest of others & the trust associated with that.

After I replied to Both You & Allan I immediatly went back & Contacted a few Family & Friends about writing to Intervention again & trying to get my Son the Help He Needs.

There may also be a few here that I will PM knowing there is Trust & they have only the Best interest of Both my Son & I.

Random; you help me more than you know & always have. You helped Morivate & Inspire me Again to Attempt to Contact Show & Get Help.

Thank You Again;

Sincerely; Jim

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Before I go any further with anything. My Son just came Home (Hotel) after using my Vehicle & yes I am taking a Chance as do to his Licence Situation I may again lose my Car to Impound & He may go to Jail.

But I dont expect him to stay here the whole time either or Walk everywhere for now. I know many of you may not understand this or feel im only asking for the worst. Maybe I am? But really it's more to not make him feel so isolated & completly helpless.

When he came back he informed me he looked at more Pawn Shops for his Stolen Tools. Nothing. Then he expressed to me how Angry & Diisapointed he is at his Twin Brother for not offering his own Truck or Money after he has helped him. I tried to explain maybe if he goes to Court & tries to get his License back his brother will then offer his other Vehicle; The Truck.

My Son then expressed to me he is just ready to give it all up. His Livelyhood (His Tools) he is a Mechanic by Trade are now gone. About 3 to 5 thousand dollars worth. He also asked me if I think it is anybody we know that did this.

I explained all those that know were here at this Hotel & the chance they would take for Grand Theft Auto. Then I mentioned it could be someone who was scoping the Vehicle & Knew Something, Someone or just took the Chance & Dont care. I mentioned it could be any one of his Shady Friends or Associates or Someone they Know? Who Knows Right Now for sure?

He said he just wants to Sleep & not talk to Anyone for at least a week. Again I of course am worried he will Simply Give Up on EVERYTHING. So I informed him as I was reading another post here that "Im Still Here" in which he replied " I Know Dad".

If it saves his Life just for another Day Good & I can continue to have some Peace Of Mind. The rest of Tonight & Tomorrow we will see. But for now he is Safe on the Bed next to my own Bed as I write this.

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Ken you have been a great help in many ways. I read a few more post that also helped shed some Light & all the possibilities & Intangibles involved.

I am indeed at a Crossroads as is my Son. If it gets to the point here real soon I can only hope my Son is Open, Available & A willing Participant to the Salvation Army or any Other Deug Rehab Program.

So far everything has failed with him. And as I mentioned in another Post a while back; right before I relocated back to my Children; My Twin Daughter & Her Boyfriend helped get him into a Drug-Rehab for about 11 days.

It was A distance away & he had to Drive down there. As he was doing so he was stopped by Police & his car was Impounded. The Driver License Issue. That is when he called me for help, I drove out here, quit job & helped get his Car out of impound.

As I said it seems just as he is trying to do the right thing something; The Police or other Issues catch him in the Behind & it's two steps back again. He gets real Frustrated with the Law, Courts & DMV system. And often I cant blame him.

The System Can & Does Fail Many People; Who try to Straighten Themselves Out only to find Another Roadblock. So as is my Son's case he Continues to just not attempt another Situation that Involves Rehab or the Court System.

It may take Jail, No Car, No Money; Nothing Left at all. But I need to Continue to Let him Know he is never Alone. My Own Dad did that for me when I was at my Own Wits end a few times. Of course he had more Stability & a Wife to be there for him also; which Helped.

But I knew he was there.

Thanx Again Ken & I will continue to keep in contact with ya.

Sincerely; Jim

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