Would'nt ya know it

[Athena]

Thank you Notmary, it's OK. In a strange way, I find the celebration of a life lived to the fullest rather inspiring and not so much sad for the most part. I kind of wanted to pass on a lesson learned.

[58corvette]

First & Formost My Condolences to You, Your Brother(for his losses) & Family of a Very Dear Uncle Indeed.

I did everything Possible in the Interview & my Qualifications & Knowledge I think suprised them a bit. But in those particular Jobs as in Many Others; they already have their Person Picked out. It is just a Process they have to Follow as Required by law. I know because I was in their Position, Line of Work & Government.

So as in the Case here although I may of, ? been the Best most Qualified person for the Job it's quite often "Not what you Know But Who You Know". Something I was aware of heading into the Interview. Which is why I told myself not to get My Hopes up.

My Son decided not to go to ER. :confused: And came back shortly after Meeting with His Mom. He told me if he dont feel well in Morning he will go? He's Sleeping Again Right now. This is Definitely a Bumpy Ride. Im doing all I can & Know how.

Right Now I just Need To Relax Myself & Hope & Pray for The Best.

Again Thank You So Much Athena & Continued Best To You & Yours.

Sincerely; Jim

[Athena]

Jim- I hope you can do something you enjoy tonight, with or without your son. I just spent the day with my brother helping him get ready for the movers tomorrow. He was huffing and puffing the whole time. Told me he's been eating very badly the past while, but he won't listen to any of my advice on how to eat well. I feel like a mother talking to a rebellious teenager (which is weird because he's 17 years older than me). I wouldn't offer any advice if he didn't complain about how awful he feels. It's so hard not to try to help when he's kind of asking for it. And it sure didn't help when we packed up all those dieting and healthy lifestyle books:rolleyes: I totally get where you're at with your son, although I know it must be a whole lot more heartbreaking when it's your kid.

Take care of yourself tonight.

[58corvette]

Unfortunately My Financial Situation & My Own Habit of being a Hermit Limits what I can do. There are Many Things I would Like & Should do. As you Said; "With or Wiithout My Son". I do Hate this "STUCK" feeling & Know I have in so many ways Put Myself in this Situation.

Believe me I can relate in regards to your Brother. I do wish my Son would Listen to me(More) & Some Advice I am able to give him. But it is in Many Ways his Own Road. As I said Court & the Coming Weeks will Dictate More for the Both of us.

And your Correct; when it's your Own Child it Intensifies more so. Especially when im not in such a good Situation or Condition Myself. Seems the others involved in my Son's Situation Continue to Live there Own Lives; (his Mom & My Twins). They were in Some ways more Aware of his Addiction & Tendencies Than I before I relocated Back to Be with Him.

Now after Almost Two Years with him On A Daily Basis I am Fully Entrenched. I Tried My Best for Both of us But I know im Sinking & Going Down with The Ship Myself.

I will Try to Get Out Of This Hotel & Get a few things Done Today; I Need To For Sanity Sake.

Take Care Of YOU ATHENA & Thanx Again.

Sincerely; Jim

[randomperson]

I'm ok guys don't worry about me. Just catching up some. So sorry about everything going on. My words just are not coming, but my heart is with ya.

[Athena]

Jim,

Have you considered moving to where jobs are more plentiful (once you have set your son and yourself free)? Maybe even get your old job back? At least you know people there.

[58corvette]

I have & in Contact with a few right now.

Thanx; Jim

[58corvette]

Yesterday I made sure my Son went to Doctor's for Physical Ailments. His Mom took him. He is now Prescribed Medication to help (Hopefully) for Circulatory Problem.

He just left for Court Appointment to Decide his fate for Legal Issues. His Mom just picked him up & will be with him for that. Yesterday she also Paid for his Haircut to be Presentable in Court.

I am now feeling like the Man (Person) behind the scene & issues. Kind of like the one who dealt with the Daily Troubles, Helped & was always there, until the Stuff Really Hit the Fan & "The Hero" Emerges out of No Where to Take Over; Look like the "Good Guy" while im left in The Dust to Fend for Myself. Like I was Part of the "Problem to" instead of the "Salution". Maybe I was & am & did'nt take care of Myself or Help myself out enough (And My Own Issues) During this time.

All I Know is im now Stressed to The Max & Physically not feeling well myself now again. This Scenerio happened in the past with Our Marriage, Ourselves, Our Children & in The Eyes of Others & The Courts. It's Like Deja Va all over again. I should have seen it coming. Here I am now Unemployed, Living In a Hotel Room & Now on the Verge of Homelessness. While She is Employed with a Good Job, Doing "Proffessional" work, Place to Live & Helping her Poor lost Child out.

I saw this "Train Wreck" Coming a Year Ago tried my Best to Stop It & asked Her for Help with Him then. When she was Desperate a year Ago & Moved out of My Twin Daughter's (and her Boyfriends place) I was theyre to Meet with her at Her & Both My Son's Request. I Helped Financially & Emotionally get her past that hump.

Now with Money, Food & A Place to Live for me at a Bare Minimum Here I am. I Stuck with My Son Through all of this. Thinking Things & Him would turn around. I know some People Here & others as well could see this coming as well & have tried to help in any way possible.

It's very Cold out there right now. I am in A Deep Rut.

I recieved Notice in the Mail (From Job I interviewed for) that they ended up not Hiring Anyone at all for Position. Which means Governing Body Decided they did'nt have Funds to Fill Position & those People will have to Continue to Double thery're own Workload.

At 52yrs. Old here I am. Retirement Is GONE. No Job. Man I wish I was more Religous Right Now. Just to have other People Around & Some Confort, Belief & Hope for Myself.

Internet Job hunting with a very good Resume has Turned up Absolutely NOTHING. This Drama & SoapBox of Mine seems NeverEnding with no Hope in Sight. I Have lost Most of My Family & Friends one way or another through much of this.

Just the Daily thought of Getting all this STUFF out of this Hotel Room into My Van & Heading for NO WHERE is Daunting. COLD WEATHER & COLD WORLD.

Streets, Salvation Army? Or Daughters. Yepee. What a Mess I put Myself into.

Should of Tried Harder. To Weak Mentally & Just to Damn Tired from all of This CRUDE. I wake up Daily Not Knowing what the Heck im even doing. I will never Regret having Children & Therye Own Precious Lives. But I should Have Never, Ever Married or had Children with the person i did AT ALL. She Continues To HAUNT MY LIFE.

She Knew what She was Getting into with me & all my Issues when we Met. I made it Clear & was Always Honest. And I Knew what I was getting Into & all Her Issues also. But Just like with Our Son I fiqured we Could Work Together, Love & Overcome. She Quit On Me. Ya its over & the Past & im Glad I am no longer with her at all. But Our Children, My own Freaking Issues & Situation just CONTINUESSSSSSSSSS.

I was Lost then so many years ago & 30yrs Later Im no better off.

[58corvette]

Yesterday I made sure my Son went to Doctor's for Physical Ailments. His Mom took him. He is now Prescribed Medication to help (Hopefully) for Circulatory Problem.

He just left for Court Appointment to Decide his fate for Legal Issues. His Mom just picked him up & will be with him for that. Yesterday she also Paid for his Haircut to be Presentable in Court.

I am now feeling like the Man (Person) behind the scene & issues. Kind of like the one who dealt with the Daily Troubles, Helped & was always there, until the Stuff Really Hit the Fan & "The Hero" Emerges out of No Where to Take Over; Look like the "Good Guy" while im left in The Dust to Fend for Myself. Like I was Part of the "Problem to" instead of the "Salution". Maybe I was & am & did'nt take care of Myself or Help myself out enough (And My Own Issues) During this time.

All I Know is im now Stressed to The Max & Physically not feeling well myself now again. This Scenerio happened in the past with Our Marriage, Ourselves, Our Children & in The Eyes of Others & The Courts. It's Like Deja Va all over again. I should have seen it coming. Here I am now Unemployed, Living In a Hotel Room & Now on the Verge of Homelessness. While She is Employed with a Good Job, Doing "Proffessional" work, Place to Live & Helping her Poor lost Child out.

I saw this "Train Wreck" Coming a Year Ago tried my Best to Stop It & asked Her for Help with Him then. When she was Desperate a year Ago & Moved out of My Twin Daughter's (and her Boyfriends place) I was theyre to Meet with her at Her & Both My Son's Request. I Helped Financially & Emotionally get her past that hump.

Now with Money, Food & A Place to Live for me at a Bare Minimum Here I am. I Stuck with My Son Through all of this. Thinking Things & Him would turn around. I know some People Here & others as well could see this coming as well & have tried to help in any way possible.

It's very Cold out there right now. I am in A Deep Rut.

I recieved Notice in the Mail (From Job I interviewed for) that they ended up not Hiring Anyone at all for Position. Which means Governing Body Decided they did'nt have Funds to Fill Position & those People will have to Continue to Double thery're own Workload.

At 52yrs. Old here I am. Retirement Is GONE. No Job. Man I wish I was more Religous Right Now. Just to have other People Around & Some Confort, Belief & Hope for Myself.

Internet Job hunting with a very good Resume has Turned up Absolutely NOTHING. This Drama & SoapBox of Mine seems NeverEnding with no Hope in Sight. I Have lost Most of My Family & Friends one way or another through much of this.

Just the Daily thought of Getting all this STUFF out of this Hotel Room into My Van & Heading for NO WHERE is Daunting. COLD WEATHER & COLD WORLD.

Streets, Salvation Army? Or Daughters. Yepee. What a Mess I put Myself into.

Should of Tried Harder. To Weak Mentally & Just to Damn Tired from all of This CRUDE. I wake up Daily Not Knowing what the Heck im even doing. I will never Regret having Children & Therye Own Precious Lives. But I should Have Never, Ever Married or had Children with the person i did AT ALL. She Continues To HAUNT MY LIFE.

She Knew what She was Getting into with me & all my Issues when we Met. I made it Clear & was Always Honest. And I Knew what I was getting Into & all Her Issues also. But Just like with Our Son I fiqured we Could Work Together, Love & Overcome. She Quit On Me. Ya its over & the Past & im Glad I am no longer with her at all. But Our Children, My own Freaking Issues & Situation just CONTINUESSSSSSSSSS.

I was Lost then so many years ago & 30yrs Later Im no better off. Sent this Post but forum Reqires I wait 30 Seconds; Ok. Least my post no Longer get lost. :confused: :mad:

[Athena]

I am now feeling like the Man (Person) behind the scene & issues. Kind of like the one who dealt with the Daily Troubles, Helped & was always there, until the Stuff Really Hit the Fan & "The Hero" Emerges out of No Where to Take Over; Look like the "Good Guy" while im left in The Dust to Fend for Myself. Like I was Part of the "Problem to" instead of the "Salution".

Man, I know this pain:(. I feel it as I read your post. It is hard to let somebody take over and look like the hero. Almost makes you want to wish your ex will screw up and show everybody how incapable she really is. But give yourself a break. Let her step up to the plate now, she may be able to help your son. She is in a position to. Your son knows and will remember how you stuck by him and tried your best. A parent's love and caring is what matters in the end. Go and do what you need to do to help yourself now. You are the only one who will help YOU. But also try to find an advocate who can help you, then accept their help. Perhaps you have already come across one but didn't recognize them as such or weren't ready to accept their help because you weren't ready. You may have to swallow some pride for the moment. Don't worry, you can get it back later. The status quo is not acceptable and you know it.

I recieved Notice in the Mail (From Job I interviewed for) that they ended up not Hiring Anyone at all for Position.

Sorry about that Jim. Keep following up with your old employer - you quit to be with your son, remember? They didn't fire you.

At 52yrs. Old here I am. Retirement Is GONE. No Job. Man I wish I was more Religous Right Now. Just to have other People Around & Some Confort, Belief & Hope for Myself.

Well, your internet friends are here. I am hopeful for you because things are changing. Your ex is there for your son. Not having your son around is likely making you a little lonelier now and you are missing him and perhaps you have lost some sense of purpose, not being with him, taking care of him. Keep the connection up. Call him, visit him. But go back and read some of the suggestions in your previous threads. They may make more sense to you now as you may have more ability to act on them, being on your own. Forget retirement for the moment. What if you could just have 20 good years and enjoy them? Worry about retirement when you feel better - at that time you might think of something part time that will make you happy in semi-retirement (look at Allan!). After all, you're not going to sit around and watch TV or golf non-stop from age 65 to 85!

I was Lost then so many years ago & 30yrs Later Im no better off.

Yes, divorce brings all prior issues back to the forefront with a vengeance - only you have less time to fix them. I am going through the same crap I went through at age 17, yup almost 30 years ago! However, given my shorter timeline to fix the problems, I am more determined to fix them this time. I told my therapist yesterday "I see the point of just ending it all now, and I also see the point of doing everything I can to get better for good - but I do NOT see the point of continuing with the status quo." As much as I get sucked into contemplating the first route, I generally choose the more optimistic one.

Here are the things for you to be optimistic about: You have time to help yourself now. Your daughter has offered you support. Your divorce is OVER. Your kids are grown up and your official responsibilities as parent are over. You had a good job, people respected you - you can do it again. March is almost here and it will start warming up soon:).

I hope this is the beginning of some positive change for you Jim.

{{{WARM HUGS}}}

[randomperson]

I am now feeling like the Man (Person) behind the scene & issues. Kind of like the one who dealt with the Daily Troubles, Helped & was always there, until the Stuff Really Hit the Fan & "The Hero" Emerges out of No Where to Take Over; Look like the "Good Guy" while im left in The Dust to Fend for Myself. Like I was Part of the "Problem to" instead of the "Salution". Maybe I was & am & did'nt take care of Myself or Help myself out enough (And My Own Issues) During this time.

Maybe I can help you today

For one don't think this AT ALL!

I was feeling the same.. my ex did the same to me.. all bad people do.. they try to pop in at the last second either get you to save them or 'act like the hero', then pretend they are perfect and everything is all your fault. I talk a little about in my last post how it was bothering me.. and how you helped me understand it wasn't my fault. Now hopefully I can do the same for you

I need to remember something.. it is hard for me to do but I need to engrain it into my mind. Things are always bad for everyone this day in time just at different levels.. but the big thing is if we look hard enough there are always small things we can enjoy that is unique to our situation. I talk a little about this in the thread I often write in. When I am hurting I forget this or don't want to listen to my own words.. but it is always how I snap out of the funk.

It is when I focus on the small things I enjoy that I could not if I was in the set up I 'feel' would be perfect and give me true happiness.. that is when I do get peace back in my life.

Course I don't deal with stress well anymore and the next big thing often I forget all that I have learned for a bit.. so I am not saying I have the answer.. but it does help me feel better.

I'm not sure if this will help but I hope it does somehow.

Also personal experience internet job searching alone wasn't the answer for me.. like internet dating. If your good on one you will be good on the other.. bad on one you will be bad on the other. I think you would do great just going in places you are interested in talking to people, getting to know them and checking up on jobs.. keeping in touch and networking. ..but that does take gas.. gas takes money. I know it is hard. I wish there was an easy answer.

Have you check out or applied for gov assistance?

Also you talked about wishing your faith was stronger..

Maybe that can be an answer for you. Churches are great for networking, socializing and can help you grow in positive ways. Talking to the preacher you might be surprised just how much they can help you right now.

[58corvette]

Thanks BOTH OF YOU; For Your Continued Support & Suggestions. The Best I Can Tell You Is I just wish I was'nt so Lost & Confussed With Myself & My Own Condition & Situation At This Time.

It's Very Frustrating For Me. Now Somehow I just Need My Own WAKE UP CALL, Kick In The A_S or Whatever else it will Take to MOVE FORWARD.

Basically I now Feel Like A KID without Direction Or Parent. Somehow I need to Figure All This Confussion Out Myself. Take Responsibility now for My Life.

My Son came back from Court. Thanx to D.A. a Huge Burden has been taken off him. No Jail Time & He will be Getting His License back Shortly. His Medication for Physical Symptoms seems to be Helping Also. It is Relief to me Also & I Hope he Continues to Stay On The Right Track?

Today; I will probably be taking him with me to .99c Store to pick up a few Food Items so we have Food for the Next Few Days. Then back to Hotel.

I Know I Have & Need to Do The Many Thing's you Both Suggested. For Now Im just Glad I have this Site & Someone To Communicate With. $$$$ including the Ability to be on this Site with Internet Cost Dictates So Much In Our Lives in Order to Just Survive. I dont know; its just to much for me at this Time; To Comprehend or make any Sence of my Direction or Meaning.

I have at least Lived this far to see some Possible DayLight & Hope For My Son.

THANK YOU AGAIN (YOU TWO) So MUCH.......

Sincerely; Jim

[randomperson]

We all are taking one day at a time right now.

Sometimes it is hard to take positive steps when you don't feel like stepping at all.. and feeling the same way a lot lately I hear ya.

With me pain seems to come in waves. I know how hard your having it right now. You are a really good and kind person.

[shanrucas]

I know how hard it can be..just as you have made a step forward it seems you slip two steps back. I was having some good days there, especially yesterday when mom was doing good. Today is a bad day, seems for every good day she has, she has just as many bad.

I hope your son does stay on the right track, you have been there for him at every turn. But now is your turn to take care of yourself. I know it must be exhausting.

yesterday it was Silly Shannon, today Sad Shannon

[Lindamomof7]

.....................

[58corvette]

This Public Post On My Continuing Thread is A Very Personal HeartFelt Thank You To; LINDA-SHANNON-ATHENA-RANDOM.

We Have All Been There From The Get-Go For EACH OTHER; Especially In Times Of Urgent Need.

For That I Am So Very Grateful & Thankful I have gotten To Know You in the most Personal Way Possible Here.

And To ALL Others Who Also Continue To Be Here & Support Along The Way.

THANK YOU

Sincerely; Jim

[randomperson]

We all feel the same

I will say if not for this site I would be much much worse right now.

Everyone has helped give me the balance and stability I have always needed to snap out of the bad spots and keep moving forward.

I am now in uncharted waters never have snapped out of the bad spots so quick. I was about to go into a very deep semi suicidal depression.. but I didn't not totally. That is huge for me!

I am better.. not well lol.. but better. And I have a healthier outlook on things. Still got issues still very lonely and get too emotional, but I am proud that I have came this far with everyone's help.

[randomperson]

Just checking up, how are you?

[58corvette]

Thanx Random. Right Now I know im not much help to others here. For me I just have a lot on my plate that I need to Figure & Sort out.

Sincerely; Jim

[randomperson]

You don't have to be everyday. Some days we can help, some days we need help. We have all been there.

Anything you feel like chatting about?

Sometimes it helps me just to write my thoughts out and see what others think.

[randomperson]

I know you are going through a ton. Wishing you the best. We are here when you need us.

[Athena]

Jim, my thoughts are with you too. Please let us know how you are doing once in a while, and as always, talk when you need to. We're here for you.

[randomperson]

Maybe I should leave you be. I know sometimes we all need time away to think.

But I am concerned because I know you are hurting right now.

I felt this way earlier about someone that was a close friend, ignored my feelings and the person really was hurting.. I should have paid more attention earlier.

I struggle with choices like this. I'm not good at it and honestly it is why I am for the most part a social leper. Even me explaining this sounds like the ramblings of a madman.

Well this is me. I want you to know we care and hope you are ok.

[Lindamomof7]

Hey Jim, thinking about you (((JIM)))

[58corvette]

Random, Athena & Linda;

Im still here; hanging by a Thread. There's just nothing to add to my Situation. But I do want all of you to know; I Will ALWAYS Appreciate Your Care & Concern.

At least I know I have People & Friends Here and it does'nt make me feel so Alone in this Wierd, Crazy, Confussed World of Mine.

Truly & Sincerely The Very Best To You All.

Thank You SO MUCH!!!

Jim