soregretful Posted December 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2011 I try to do things I enjoy but I know something's wrong the whole time. I am trying but relaxing is when my mind wanders Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted December 6, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2011 I am just upset that the authors of the content I am feeling guilty about have no guilt. That makes me so angry! Why is that? It is almost a year I have felt terrible. I hate doing this to my parents. How do I get out of this? I am really a good person. I am phenomenal with kids! I want to use that to help me so much! I even made some plays for them. They tell me they love me every day and mean it. I have so much to be appreciative of, but why can I not get past this? Anyone have a similar story where they knew something that they wish they didn't, like a website address? How do you break free? I am tired of being in prison. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted December 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 I can't explain...for some reason, stuff didn't bother me as much today. I wish I knew what the difference was. I think maybe I have catastrophized the whole time. OK....for some reason I know the addresses. But after looking at some of the things on the internet I saw, like people taking things to the next level, I don't feel as bad. I am not saying I am better than anyone or anything, but it just gave me hope that there CAN be an end to this thing if I just hang in there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eppursimuove Posted December 7, 2011 Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 its was fuking time, u got almost 100 pages and 1000 comments saying to forget this shit, it was time that u did. At least for a while.Have a nice day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted December 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 Sorry! People can say forget about it all they want, but they are not me. Unless someone has experienced the exact same problem, it really isn't easy to understand why it bothers me. If you have to go into work with a bunch of kids and picture them in the stories, it bothers you. I am not telling people I don't appreciate the advice, it's just that saying forget it is so much easier said than done. That's what I tell all the people in my life that say forget it, "you tell me how and I will do it". It's like saying don't think about carrots...of course that is the first thing you are going to think about. So saying forget it is like making me remember it. Today just went well...wish I could explain why. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eppursimuove Posted December 7, 2011 Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 .... Duplicate Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eppursimuove Posted December 7, 2011 Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 u imagen kids in speddos or what? I tough the problem was the urls in ur head. im sorry dude, do u still go to a therapist? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
malign Posted December 7, 2011 Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 Yeah, don't think about carrots.That should drive any other thoughts out of your head, right there. :-)You're right: you can't beat an obsession by not thinking about it. You might be able to start beating it by noticing it each time it starts and repeating to yourself that it's not real, it's an obsession. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eppursimuove Posted December 7, 2011 Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 i edited the part about carrots, i tough hi myght think the wrong thing about my comment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted December 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 What I don't get is why people who write this feel no guilt, but I do. I talked to a priest today and though I didn't really feel a lot of relief (I may remember this every day til I am 80 he says, that kinda upset me), I just feel like somewhere there is a way out. After all if these people can write this stuff and just go on living happily, I can too. There HAS to be a way to do it somehow! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted December 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 u imagen kids in speddos or what? I tough the problem was the urls in ur head. im sorry dude, do u still go to a therapist?Some of the URLs had kids in speedos, but you know what, that is not pedophilic. It isn't. So why did other people say it was? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted December 7, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 7, 2011 And, no....I can no longer afford any kind of therapy or meds. I wonder if they ever did anything in the first place! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted December 8, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 8, 2011 Has anyone had experience with hypnotherapy in treating a case like mine? I am really running out of options but I do get paid tomorrow and am willing to give it a try! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted December 9, 2011 Report Share Posted December 9, 2011 maybe you could go to the library and get out some self help books - that wouldnt cost you anything. just a thought.erm, im not sure hypnotherapy works, but then i am sceptical about that sort of thing. there again no harm in giving it a try, if thats what you want to do.take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted December 10, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 10, 2011 What kind of self help book could I get? I am so willing to try anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ASchwartz Posted December 10, 2011 Report Share Posted December 10, 2011 SR,I am very puzzled by what you are saying. You led us to believe that you are in therapy and that you were about to see someone for cognitive behavioral therapy. Now you say you cannot afford therapy or medication. What is going on?Two more questions: 1. I am not sure if I am correct about this and I will apologize if I am wrong but it seems to me like you talk about this one single problem about yourself, as though that this is the sum total of you but say nothing more about you.2. You never seem to try and help others around here because you are so focused on yourself. Do you ever respond to the problems others have and do you ever offer advice for them? Do you ever give your attention to other people in the community?allan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hatemeds Posted December 10, 2011 Report Share Posted December 10, 2011 What kind of self help book could I get? I am so willing to try anything.Dude you dont need a self help book you need a miracle..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted December 11, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2011 Thanks Hatemeds,That makes me feel tons better. So helpful of you to state what I already knew! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted December 11, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 11, 2011 SR,I am very puzzled by what you are saying. You led us to believe that you are in therapy and that you were about to see someone for cognitive behavioral therapy. Now you say you cannot afford therapy or medication. What is going on?Two more questions: 1. I am not sure if I am correct about this and I will apologize if I am wrong but it seems to me like you talk about this one single problem about yourself, as though that this is the sum total of you but say nothing more about you.2. You never seem to try and help others around here because you are so focused on yourself. Do you ever respond to the problems others have and do you ever offer advice for them? Do you ever give your attention to other people in the community?allan1. I indeed was in therapy, Allan, EMDR as you suggested. However, it took 11 sessions before I even started any EMDR and at about 65 bucks a pop, I am 715 dollars lighter in the wallet and can no longer afford to go. The therapist took 10 sessions before she even started any EMDR, which I can't really figure out what it was. She put some headphones on me and played some music....is that what EMDR is? She really did not help much if I can't tell what the technique is. I can't afford to live in my house. What more do you want to know about me? I can be an open book if you want. The reason I talk about the problem is because that is what I need help with, the other areas are not problematic.2. I am not focused on myself off of this forum. I am constantly trying to help other people, etc. I tutor and give of my time, teach, etc. I am always helping others. Kind of ironic I can't help myself. I have PMed some people to offer my support, but I am not a psychotherapist, and I do not feel qualified to help these people. I can be nothing but a friend. I am not trying to focus on myself, it is just like if someone trained in French volunteered to help with Spanish homework...I just don't feel qualified to offer advice to other people. I am not saying everyone has to flock to me and help me, but I can't even help myself, let alone another person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IrmaJean Posted December 11, 2011 Report Share Posted December 11, 2011 Sometimes, SR, when you reach out to others...you hear your own wisdom. It may be more difficult to see when considering how to help yourself. Supporting and comforting others can actually open the path to helping yourself. You may find that it takes your mind off of things for a bit too...and it feels good. I'm willing to bet other members of the community would appreciate your concern and support. You offer support as a fellow human being. No expertise required for that. Peer support. It helps you get in touch with the caring aspects of yourself as well.I think one key to effective therapy is sticking with it. Can you find one that is covered by your insurance that is affordable for you? I'm not sure if you have insurance, but hopefully there are other options for you to explore so that you can remain in therapy. Take care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted December 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 12, 2011 I admit that you are right about helping people. I have been talking to someone through PM and it does make me feel better.About the therapy, I am just not sure what it can do, and I want to go somewhere, but I am just not feeling any different. I had to cash in savings bonds to make a mortgage payment. I mean, I really can not afford to go. This was 65 bucks a pop with the insurance included. I really do not know what kind of therapy I need...I have been bounced around so much, that I really haven't had any long term therapy with anyone, except this last therapist who I saw 11 times, and on the 11th time, she started the EMDR therapy which is why I went to see her in the first place! I just felt a little cheated, but I was down to 3 dollars to my name, so really I can not afford it. I can not afford any medication either.I mean, Allan was saying that I always talk about this and let it define me. OK, here are some things.......I am an amazing teacher. I picked teaching as a profession because I did not have the best teachers, and I wanted to make sure that kids never got treated the way I did or felt as little as I did. My 6th grade teacher changed my life through her caring, and it was then that I knew I wanted to be a teacher.I recently had a girl who is now in 10th grade invite me to a high school assembly because the kids wrote speeches on teachers who touched their lives, and she chose me! I have never ever charged one penny for the tutoring I have done because I truly enjoy helping kids. I just like to turn on the switches for them!I love kids with all my heart. Part of me just wants kids to not have to go through what I went through in school and that is why I am an AMAZING first grade teacher! AMAZING!!!!!!!!! This is me being honest, not bragging!So although it was suggested I not let this define me, I realize that I do A LOT of good in the world despite my current state of mind!I have a girlfriend who loves me. I think I love her too...I don't know what love is really, but I really care about her. She wants to have kids with me. Part of me is so scared that I will not function correctly sexually.I have been told I could write a book on how to teach kids. I maintain a website for my classroom and parents. I make DVDs for all of the special things we do in class. No, I know I help people, I just want to know how to help myself. How do I NOT think of the names of websites?I AM a good person. I am certainly better than the people who made the sites I am having trouble putting behind me. I would make a kick ass father, but I am having a hard time taking care of myself. So, there is positive energy in there, and most of it comes when I am at school. I am just having a hard time looking back on things that I did to help my students and be proud of them. I wish I could afford to continue therapy, but what kind? What would help? People are just telling me to let go, but I don't know how.I even talked to a priest and he said I don't deserve forgiveness, but God will give it to me when I have made Jesus my focus of my life. I know no one is perfect, but why do I feel I fall so immensely short? My dad lost his dad when he was 9 and raised his two brothers. Why can't I just be more like the wonderful man who raised me. I feel like I have shamed him so badly. I don't know what it is going to take to get out of this, and I am not trying to let it define me, but it is so hard, and I can not afford to go to anymore therapy that will not be helpful! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThePetPerson Posted December 12, 2011 Report Share Posted December 12, 2011 As you mentioned self-help books, someone has requested us to pass on this thread. You may have already seen it yourself, but they insisted. http://community.mentalhelp.net/showthread.php?t=8486 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted December 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 12, 2011 Thanks for the advice! I will give it a look. It's just better that someone took me seriously instead of saying I need a miracle. I know I do. I am just hoping God helps me find the way soon. I don't want to think about these URLs all the time and if I can use a self help book to find some techniques I will. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soregretful Posted December 16, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 16, 2011 Have had an OK week....just afraid this may never go away to the degree I want it to! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetSue Posted December 16, 2011 Report Share Posted December 16, 2011 hey soregretful im plaesed that you have had an okay week hun, instead of saying to yourself "....just afraid that this may never go away to the degree that I want it to!" maybe try telling yourself "I've had an okay week, next week might just be ok too, or even better!!!"hmmm, perhaps I should be telling that to myself also I usually look for negatives to bring myself down - guess a habit is a habit and not at all easy to change!!! Hope that your week is kind to you:oTake care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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