my story

[jk1972]

I am 48 and still a virgin. I am 5'4" with a penis of about 2.5 inches erect. Growing up I had a few chances for sex but the reaction was pretty much the same which was she claimed she deserved a bigger penis. It didn't matter how good looking I was or how much money or anything else. Only penis size matters, In the eyes of every female the penis is the only thing that matters

Never having a girlfriend has been awkward and causes problems. My mother has flat out told me that It is my duty to produce her grand kids and I am a failure in her eyes and how she cries herself to sleep over it. Co workers think something is wrong with anyone who never had a girlfriend or been married

In the past having friends was a mistake as I was left out of actives or was allowed to come along but i was a just a third wheel and ignored most of the time. Males tend to have a problem with me not getting laid and pressure me to score, females are worried about be being sexually frustrated

I have no idea what it is like not to be sexually frustrated or what it is like to loved,wanted and needed

[LaLa]

Hello, JK, welcome!

I'm sorry you met only so strange women ... I'm a woman (30 y.o.) and I can't even imagine to hurt a man this way. I don't think that the size could matter. I know it's my subjective opinion, but I'm also sure that in case of those who care about the size it's also just a subjective opinion and they are - sorry for being so judgemental, but that's my anger speaking - stupid, superficial and uncaring when they refuse to try to find a way how to enjoy sex with "somebody like you"...

It is my duty to produce her grand kids and I am a failure in her eyes

I'm sorry that your mother has such an egocentric attitude . Of course she'd like grand kids, but... that's not a reason to be so harsh on you... Please do know you have no duties of this kind. It's your life, your decisions, ... you're not obliged to do this for her. BTW, does she know about the reason of your virginity?

I hope that meeting some people here who struggle with very similar problems will bring you at least some comfort and new insights...

Take care!

[Lana73]

Hi JK and welcome to the community

I think that a man has more pressure to satisfy a woman due to maybe not having an erection ot having a small penis. I am sorry you are struggling. I also hope you will be able to find a good support here.

[jk1972]

BTW, does she know about the reason of your virginity?

Oh dear god no. Its better that she thinks I am gay or something else is the reason why

[LaLa]

Why do you consider it to be better? I just wonder, I don't know what is better, of course. The reason of your size is genetics. There is no space for inculpation, harangue, anything of that sort. Or it's just the matter of shame?

[jk1972]

Out of sha

Why do you consider it to be better? I just wonder, I don't know what is better, of course. The reason of your size is genetics. There is no space for inculpation, harangue, anything of that sort. Or it's just the matter of shame?

Its the shame and embarrassment

[LaLa]

I think we may feel ashamed when we've done something bad, inapt, inappropriate, ... and we regret it. What is it that you have done to feel a shame?

Would you feel the same shame / fear of shame in case you'd be born disabled or you'd have an accident and lost you leg or arm? I know it's different, but... there is something similar, though. A part of your body doesn not fit to some statistical limits. Your mother isn't a person who would expect you to... Well, I'm not going to continue this awkward sentence - you surely know what I mean. Sorry to say it this strange way, I'm just trying to point at the big difference between the expectations of your potential girlfriends and your mother.

I don't know if this is important. (What surely is important is your wellbeing; finding a way to a happier life.) But maybe removing the pressure you feel from your mom could somehow alleviate your situation and explaining her the reason why you're "failing" - as she calls it - could be one of the ways to do it.

[jk1972]

It is shame out of being a failure, I failed my family and I can never be a man. I always have been and will be under pressure from everyone around me to be able to perform in bed which is impossible. No female could ever possible want me as soon as she finds out I am defective

[Notdoneyet]

By the time a man gets to be 48 years of age, he should have already learned that pleasing others shouldn't be his prime reason

for existence. You need to start thing about YOUR wants and needs and let the rest of society worry about theirs.

My suggestion would be for you to take a trip to Nevada's well known Bunny Ranch and purchase yourself some companionship.

The gals there have seen just about anything and everything and it's their JOB to make sure you not only wish to return, but have nothing to tell others but GOOD things about the experience.

Once you take care of pleasing yourself by addressing YOUR needs, you can start to think about fulfilling other's wishes if that is what you want.

Life is too short for anybody to spend it being down on his or her self simply because of something that you can't do anything about.

[LaLa]

insertioninsertioninsertionTo N.'s post: Well, that's an option, of course, but... it addresses just one side of the problem - this wouldn't help with the lack of love, family, kids. However, I agree that "pleasing others shouldn't be one's prime reason for existence" ...

It is shame out of being a failure, I failed my family and I can never be a man. I always have been and will be under pressure from everyone around me to be able to perform in bed which is impossible. No female could ever possible want me as soon as she finds out I am defective

There are many groundless exaggerated thoughts typical for people overwhelmed by despair. This kind of negative thinking can be "challenged", for instance by cognitive-behavioral therapy (or a self-help book) and can be reduced (or even removed), and the more rational thinking, new attitudes are accompanied by new ways of coping with problems, by amelioration of life.

Let's have a look at the exaggerations:

- "I can never be a man" - you ARE a man for all your life. This one specificity of yours doesn't change this fact.

- "I always have been and will be under pressure from everyone" - Everyone? Does everyone care about your bed performance? And how can you know you'll always be...?

- "No female could ever possible want me" - I'm sure that this kind of "defect" (as you and many call it) is really a reason why many of the men who suffer from SPS are alone and unwanted. But it's also true that a part of them (I don't know how many) is in a functional relationship and is doing well. I've seen at least one here, I'll try to find his post and post a link here... For instance, I'm a woman who wouldn't be discouraged by this "defect". I know this doesn't matter in your case, as we'll never meet, I'm married etc., but I think it would be absurd to assume I'm the only one ...

By saying this all, I don't deny your problems and your suffering. I just think that your problem is not as much "the defect", as the lack of luck in finding an appropriate woman AND the shame, pressure and feeling of being a failure that this primary problem is wrapped in. You probably can't change your body, but you can change your attitude. It's possible to get rid of the shame and "failure feeling". I can't give you a "guideline" how to do it, of course. But I'd like you to see you start to believe it's possible and to look for the way to succeed...

Maybe you could find some insights in discussions with other members here who have the same problems. (Me, I'm probably not very "appropriate" for this topic... But maybe sometimes a viewpoint of a woman - different from those you usually meet - can be fine.)

Have you ever tried a dating site? I mean... maybe by posting an insertion/"advertisement" (I don't know how it's called in English...) which would mention also this "defect" could be a possibility. I don't know if anyone ever tried it, but... I imagine that... it would be a way how to "bypass" the surprise in bed: Mentioning this info among the first facts about you. At the dating-site, you'd be anonymous, so... And maybe there are women who would reply for a "normal", serious reason - attracted by your other mentioned attributed and not caring about this one. I don't know. Just an idea...

Here is a video I recommend to you as inspiration for new contemplations about your feeling of "not being a man, being a failure, ...":

[media=]

[Wastedlife]

I feel you man, my family doesn’t understand me what’s wrong with me to. I play the “I’m crazy and incapable of relationship crap so everyone leave me alone”. You should consider going to see a hooker though, that’s what I did and I’m happy about it. I know I cant have a normal relationship with this pathetic worm I got but at least ill have sex with hot women…I wont let life rob me of that, its pathetic to pay for sex but you cant do much with useless body…so I think its ok for guys like us.

[Notdoneyet]

I feel you man, my family doesn’t understand me what’s wrong with me to. I play the “I’m crazy and incapable of relationship crap so everyone leave me alone”. You should consider going to see a hooker though, that’s what I did and I’m happy about it. I know I cant have a normal relationship with this pathetic worm I got but at least ill have sex with hot women…I wont let life rob me of that, its pathetic to pay for sex but you cant do much with useless body…so I think its ok for guys like us.

I wouldn't be so concerned about "paying" for sex. If you have a relationship of any kind, you end up paying in some way.

My ex wife went into my pockets so deep after our split, it took me a couple of years before I should move out of my fifteen year old car and get bak on my feet.

I would have gladly paid a fee for the few times we were intimate the last ten years of our marriage.

[Thermonuclear Warrior]

Hey, I relate. Although I'm roughly half your age, I really have a lot of pressure put on me to socialize with women and to eventually provide my parents with grand children. My mother herself has implied that a bigger penis is better, so I feel that If i told her about my problem, she would eventually understand why I am in my current position. However, as you said, it's extremely embarassing. The likely outcome would be the 'your penis is fine, it's the person' and it wouldn't help me out whatsoebver.

Either way I feel life has more to offer. I have friends that are endowed and they have sex fairly often. (multiple times per month). I still personally feel my good qualities outweigh one of their only good qualities. I have no desire to see whores, I'd rather never experience sex than see a whore. I have a friend that is smaller than me in terms of length and he recently saw a whore. He's now addicted and throwing out money on a stupid overrated experience. I haven't experienced it myself, but at my age now, I am already passed the point of obsessing over sex.

I'm open about my smaller penis with my friends and they think ti's amusing, so I pretend to be amused by it as well. They are good people otherwise and have helped me out in many ways, they are just a little ignorant about the subject because they cannot relate. I don't like being negative as I've stated in other threads, so I avoid being negative about it. I would rather laugh about it if it means being happy.

I don't see myself ever having kids. I would love to remedy this situation, but I'm too skeptical and cynical with regard to the enlargement techniques. After completing years of biology in college, and hearing how the penis cannot be increased in size, I feel like a complete moron even going to sites lke pegym. The posters on those sites are unbelievably uneducated mostly, and the supposed guru is an ex convict. How are people not skeptical about it? Sorry to derail the thread.

Another forum member told his mother about the situation. I am actually envious because I can't seem to bust out the nerve to do the same thing. I'd love to get this off my chest, perhaps my mother would forgive me for being the way taht I am. Afterall, society really doesn't make it easier for people that are below average in anything. Women have it much easier with regard to their dimensions. As a man with a smaller penis, you are destined to feel inferior for the rest of your life unless you are able to somehow become optimistic about the situation. I try to be optimistic, but my negativity lately has been outweighing the positivity. During my commute, I use public transportation and anytime I encounter an attractive woman, I first see her as a whore. I hate feeling this way, but I feel that most attractive confident women would not settle for a man with a small penis, even if he was physically a 10/10.

[LaLa]

I like your attitude, TW .

I'm open about my smaller penis with my friends and they think ti's amusing, so I pretend to be amused by it as well.

This reminds me of a friend who also sometimes makes some jokes about this - I remember the best one which seems to me as a great attitude:

"Hummingbird is a skillfull little bird " (I suppose it doesn't sound the same in English, but... I hope you can at least understand what he meant.)

I have no idea about his size, but... he's got already 4 girlfriends and how his'a also in a relationship... Yes, you may argue that his size is "not so very little". Maybe... I just wanted to show you another kind of point of view... (._.')

[jk1972]

Once you take care of pleasing yourself by addressing YOUR needs, you can start to think about fulfilling other's wishes if that is what you want.

Life is too short for anybody to spend it being down on his or her self simply because of something that you can't do anything about.

I learned a long time ago that my wants and needs can never be satisfied, and that I never be happy. I learned that I have to go through life unloved,unwanted, unneeded, sexually frustrated. I learned that I can never have friends or family that I always be an outcast

[lifeless existence]

I picture we small guys as passengers on a boat called the HMS Inadequate........no propeller, just drifting in the currents, no land in sight, dying of thirst with water all around us, and actually hoping the boat sinks so we can all drown and not have to hurt anymore.

[Wastedlife]

I picture we small guys as passengers on a boat called the HMS Inadequate........no propeller, just drifting in the currents, no land in sight, dying of thirst with water all around us, and actually hoping the boat sinks so we can all drown and not have to hurt anymore.

Love this analogy, its so on point. Life is all around us yet we cant never experience it and the worst part is we can never tell anyone why. Just suffering in silence alone waiting for he end…

[Thermonuclear Warrior]

The more you perpetuate this type of attitude, the less likely you will ever change. Like I've been saying in other posts, adequacy shouldn't be determined by fractions of an inch. I personally am more adequate than the majority of my friends in a mental and practical sense. They have large penises yet they can't do many things that I can. I don't feel inadequate as a human being. I feel inadequate to be a porn star maybe, but I don't feel inadequate to fuck a porn star If such a situation were to occur.

As a potential mate, I feel I have plenty to offer. I am more than capable of fertilization without a doubt, and on top of that I have skills and other valuable assets that could make me potentially more interesting and worthwhile than a man whose penis is 2 inches longer and 1/2 inch wider. The difference between me and you is that I'm not looking for shallow promiscuous girls just to satisfy my primal urges. I feel that I am beyond an ape despite the fact that I'm just as much of a meat slab as a primitive ape. We're socially evolved creatures. Evolution is no longer primarily determined by physical characteristics.

[jk1972]

As a potential mate, I feel I have plenty to offer. I am more than capable of fertilization without a doubt, and on top of that I have skills and other valuable assets that could make me potentially more interesting and worthwhile than a man whose penis is 2 inches longer and 1/2 inch wider. The difference between me and you is that I'm not looking for shallow promiscuous girls just to satisfy my primal urges. I feel that I am beyond an ape despite the fact that I'm just as much of a meat slab as a primitive ape. We're socially evolved creatures. Evolution is no longer primarily determined by physical characteristics.

So I guess you think most females are shallow and if all I wanted was to satisfy some primal urge I see a whore. Humans haven't evolved as much you think we have, what females want in a mate, what turns them on really hasn't changed. Females that are not shallow and promiscuous will reject a male for having a small penis unless he really over compensates, they want a male that can turn them on and satisfy them males with a small penis just cant do that

[nicholas123]

'I am 48 and still a virgin. I am 5'4" with a penis of about 2.5 inches erect. Growing up I had a few chances for sex but the reaction was pretty much the same which was she claimed she deserved a bigger penis. It didn't matter how good looking I was or how much money or anything else. Only penis size matters, In the eyes of every female the penis is the only thing that matters'

New to this forum but reading that is rather sad. I have also that sort of size penis erect (if not shorter & barely one inch soft) and yet have had girlfriends and am now happily married with four kids. Plus, although I did get ribbed at school for having a tiny penis (showers etc) I got over it as I felt it was just part of growing up (sometimes you have to just accept things like that) and was able to quite happily ignore adverse or silly comments on my size (or lack of lol). I do not agree that females are only interested in the size of your penis - although guys seem to be! Some girls i dated did mention it but found it ok or cute (lol) and it didnt prevent sex.

I have had some hang ups about my lack of size/girth (esp when in changing rooms and public showers etc with guys who are 'well hung' or 'bigger') but the secret (sometimes very difficult) is not to dwell on it and even say to yourself - so what. I have even made a joke of my 'micro' in order to pre-empt comments. Some people do feel the need to comment but most actually accept me for how I am - and those I have more respect for anyway!