Hmmm, been asked today if I feel ready to go home over christmas for a couple of days....... and honestly - I dont know.
I mean, I am doing better of late, and havnt "slipped" or tried to kill myself despite the urges to do so - not sure if thats coz Ive learnt to cope with the urges differently, or if coz of where I am, that its impossible for me to get up to much along those lines.
I want to go home - but not as a temporary measure, damn it. The last thing I want to do is screw things up again. And I'm scared that Im gonna end up doing just that. Maybe though that is a unrealistic fear - I get fearful of the stupidist of things at times.
Guess Ive gotten some serious thinking and soul searching to do - sheeze Im not good at being assertive enough to just decide one way or the other - or confident enough in myself to believe whole heartidly that Im not gonna trick myself - AGAIN, coz i know Im really good at doing that