Awww, thanks Beth

Gertie is so adorable

End of a really long day and I'm hoping my silly body will pass out soon for the night - I'm $hattered.

Be grateful when this year is over with, who knOws next year might be ok Ha Ha as if

**appy days are here again :cool:

i want to go home,really dont want to be in here today with all the jollies - eurph. and if one more person asks me if im looking forward to christmas day tomorrow im gonna punch 'em.

im stuck in bloody hospital for friggs sake - yeah right, ofcourse im having a wail of a time here with fellow patients all of whom mostly dont wanna be in here - and are making that blatently obvious. think a lot of people have already kicked off this morning an its barely 10am.

some staff aint exactly helping matters by bringing up and going on about certain seasonal subjects.

its gonna be one of those days i guess :D

but yeah merry f**king christmas nursey nurseys :mad:

ok, vent over sorry. sometimes christmas just plain sucks and not everyone has a reason to want to join in with all the jollies.

Sue this probably won't help at all, but nearly all my adult life I have been on the outside when it comes to celebrating holidays. For a time in the beginning it hurt but for a long time now I feel lucky not to be pulled like others are during the holidays. I spend Christmas and Thanksgiving and whatever other holiday alone, typically. That may change now, which will bring me a different challenge! But the years I have been on my own taught me a peace about all the crazy hub bub we put ourselves through.

I can see that none of this would help at all, because you can't be alone right now, you are around people caught up in their blah blah about the holidays :D

I hear you, sweetie. I'm gonna go on a walk on Christmas. Do you get to go for any walks?

((((( hugs to you, sis!!! )))))

Yeah, me too...a walk sounds good. Theres always the good time of spending the holidays with the people you're obligated to be with, and feeling more alone with them, than you would if you were just by yourself.

I hear you on that, Jai! The lonliest I ever get is when I'm around certain other people, not when I am by myself

thanks for understanding - it kinda helps

ive asked to go to lock up - cant cope with - well everything. the ward has gone insane. so many fights have kicked off today - and im willing to bet its just gonna get worse tomorrow.

i hate lock up - but its gotta be better than this. in a cell of me own with nothing init - i can meditate myself into a calmer more peaceful environment.

trouble is lock up is filling pretty quickly - coz of all the patients that have kicked off. so as yet i dunno if there is gonna be a cell for me. damn it!!!

and finding what you said makes perfect sense to me and does help.

thanks big sis and Jai.

Oh, wow, keep us posted, sue!

I love to meditate on the solstice (darkness and light) and on the manger scene--- that's just me, I find those things pretty peaceful and profound. And I love ancient music-- back when lyrics were so metaphoric. Though I like some new stuff too sometimes.

I don't suppose they'd let you have a candle?

well they might let me have a candle - just not allowed matches or a lighter. just incase i get carried away - it happens :D

besides the health and safety of it all, in a ward like this where im not the only one tempted by fire and its beauty - it could cause, erm ... one or two problems

i like meditating to native american music it just helps me to drift into a deeper more meaningful place of being

[sorry if that sounds stupid - coz im actually being serious]

nope, I totally get that.

and meditating on the qualities of animals is something I do too...

ok, no candles then

oh i have never tried meditating to the qualities of animals before - i will have to try that one. i often use animals (namely my gerties) in visualisation though

erm,..... i have to go now big sis. not sure if i will be on-line again for some time as p'doc has now just turned up to see me - hopefully hes come to allocate me a cell

take care big sis

(((( hugs to you, lil sis )))) and let us know when you can how things are going

Things could be a LOT better, I'm not allowed to go into lock up - I'm gutted. Its really noisey on the ward tonight. Too much volume both inside my head and outside of it

I enjoy the giving spirit of the holiday, but not the commercialism. I'm sorry it is tough for you, Sue. I hope the ward quiets down and you are able to rest peacefully.

have things settled down any, SueSue?

((((((((big hugs))))))))

oh i enjoy the giving spirit of christmas Beth - im not scrooge

its just this time of year has many many memories and not very good ones. i totally loved christmas when my children and i were together - and those memories of our few christmases are now also extremely emotional. So yeah - christmas is kinda tough for me

the ward seems to be in a drugged out quiet at mo, thats the only way i can describe it - huh, like im any different the amount of prns ive already had today:rolleyes:

could really do with a drink or two - somehow hot coco just aint doing anything for me.

im sorry dont mean to be in such a barhumbug bummer of a mood.....

Happy Christmas to all my friends and family here - hope you all have a magical and peaceful day:)

Well, hopefully, that means that the troublemakers are all in lockup. At least the ones that aren't in your head ...

Happy Christmas, dear one. I hope you get some peace soon, too.

Hi Sue,

Your not in a barhumbug mood to me.... Im sorry for the hard moments.

I hope some things make you smile today.

Youre an amazing voice, and Im proud to know you.

hi sue:)

I'm sorry today is so hard for you I hope it passes quickly.

I just had to stop by with your Christmas present!

It's been really difficult holding on to these for you but I somehow managed, ok, here they are............... .......................................................................... ............................

Merry Christmas Sue

Hi Sue,

I hope that you had a peaceful day. Thinking of you and wishing you happiness.

Thinking of you, Sue, and I hope you are doing okay tonight. Sleeping peacefully now, I hope. Take care.

I hear there are elephants loose, SueSue!!!!:eek:

thanks

things are sorta calming down now - just wish my frigging head would too. had a horrific nightmare last night and it seems to have set of a load of frigging flashbacks - so im feeling really insecure, anxious and edgy. had enough meds to knowck out a baby whale and yet still im too nervie to sleep.

think im having a woe is me moment

i give up!!!