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David O

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Thanks for that recommendation, MtS! Here are some related pages I've found thanks to it:

http://www.npr.org/2012/11/13/162742151/antidote-prescribes-a-negative-path-to-happiness

http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/19354514-the-antidote-happiness-for-people-who-can-t-stand-positive-thinking

_______

Some interesting quotes (the whole book is surely interesting, too, but I haven't read it):

http://www.goodreads...hetens-filosofi

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Arena, J. (1995). Step Back From the Exit: 45 Reasons to Say No to Suicide. Milwaukee, WI: Zebulon Press.

Blauner, S. R. (2002). How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person’s Guide to

Suicide Prevention. New York, NY: William Morrow.

Chabot, J. A. (1997). A New Lease on Life: Facing the World After a Suicide Attempt. Minneapolis, MN:

Fairview Press.

Cobain, B. (1998). When Nothing Matters Anymore: a Survival Guide for Depressed Teens. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit Publishing Inc.

Conroy, D. L. (1991). Out of the Nightmare: Recovery From Depression and Suicidal Pain. New York, NY: New Liberty Press.

Quinnett, P. G. (1995). Suicide: the Forever Decision. For Those Thinking About Suicide, and For Those Who Know, Love, or Counsel Them. New York, NY: The Crossroad Publishing Company

from here:

http://www.comh.ca/p...b_cwst/CWST.pdf

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Very interesting article. I think of my daughter a lot when I read this, especially when he discusses how a person can shut down during anxiety. Reducing stimulation always helps both of us during times of stress. I've actually been working on decorating a special room just to relax in here at home.

Neurobiology is fascinating stuff. I took a Biology of the Brain course recently and I found so much of the information new and enlightening. It would be great if science could use this new information to help treat mental illnesses.

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Thank you, DD; I also find the article fascinating.

But I'm also puzzled by the described hierarchy in the context of my reactions:

We use the newest circuit to promote calm states, to self-soothe and to engage. When this doesn't work, we use the sympathetic-adrenal system to mobilize for fight and flight behaviors. And when that doesn't work, we use a very old vagal system, the freeze or shutdown system.

In my case, the order seems reversed! One of my problems, I think the biggest in my close relationships, is that I too often (w/o an "appropriate" external reason, just because of my mood) react very quickly = automatically by something that could be categorized as "fight and flight behavior" - I "fight" (verbally), express anger or harsh judgement, ... but just one second (or even less!) after this reaction, my "newest circuit" together with my "rational part" intervene - and I calm down, apologize, and feel bad about myself (for such a reaction). And I do this many times a day (if I'm not alone all day, of course), it's quite tiresome and sad. So I don't know how this could "fit into" the theory described there :-(. Moreover, I can't recognize the reason why I would feel - in those situations - "unsafe". I counter-attack without being attacked :-(. As if I felt (unconsciously!) constantly under a possible threat (???). I don't. Not consciously. But what would be a better explanation for such behaviour?

Sorry, this is not the place to discuss such issues :o.

__________

I've come here now mainly to post something wonderful about therapy. I really like this book and the way the author explains and describes. It's for therapists and mostly about supervision, but as it's about relationships, it's very relevant for everybody, IMHO. The book is freely accessible on the web, on the page I posted here some time ago.

Lawrence E. Hedges: The Relationship in Psychotherapy and Supervision

I consider psychotherapy as a form of lovemaking. By that I mean both supervision and therapy are human situations in which two people carefully attend to each other with interest, curiosity, passion, and ambivalence. There is an intimate and ineffable loving quality to both which we seek to define. There are other human situations devoted to transacting business, to accomplishing common goals, to teaching and learning things, to experiencing things together. But supervision and therapy are tied to ineffable processes of attention, curiosity, wonder, surprise, devotion, compassion, competition, struggle, surrender—all features of intimate, loving relationships.

I'd read the comparison, here in the 1st sentence, already before (even during my own therapy), from another author. I've liked it since.

Do you like it? Well, then wait and you'll be surprised, this is even much better ;-):

quote from the 1st supervisory group session L. E. Hedges had with Dr. Rudolf Ekstein:

The depth to which your therapy will go with each [client] will be limited by your personal capacity to grieve, by your own ability to finally, when it’s time, let go of the [client] you will connect with […]. We can only enter relationships as deeply as we know we can tolerate the pain of loss. This is why we need our own therapy—to learn to relate freely and deeply and then to develop the capacity finally to experience bottomless sadness, to let go, to grieve, and to replace our lost loved ones with new relationships. [...] The mettle of a psychotherapist is tested by his capacity to endure grief and to mourn loss.

I love this insight. It's also quite moving. (Perhaps I should post it in every thread here dealing with termination and sadness about loosing a therapist, but... it's probably better to leave it here only.)

(Did every one of us, who's been in therapy at least once, after reading that quote asked the question: "Did my ex-T really also experience that "bottomless sadness" for some time after we'd terminated our therapy?"? ...)

Edited by LaLa
some changes

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I find some of the quotes you pulled very interesting, LaLa. Kind of ironic in a way too, if I consider my personal experience. I choose to love even though I have great difficulty with loss. This was a huge realization for me during therapy and it is something that I admire about myself. Connection and loss were a huge part of my therapy experience. I think it works a bit differently for me, though. I don't think of replacing lost loved ones with new relationships. I need to find a way to stay connected to the person through the loss and that is where I find healing. New relationships are separate from that. I hold a space for everyone. There are lots of fingerprints on my heart. :) My therapy relationship will always be special to me. It was a professional relationship, yes, but I hold that space too. I still always smile and have warm feelings when I think of him. :-)

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I think it works a bit differently for me, though. I don't think of replacing lost loved ones with new relationships. I need to find a way to stay connected to the person through the loss and that is where I find healing. New relationships are separate from that. I hold a space for everyone.

I'm alike. And it's probably also why I'm not sure if they really mean "replacing" and if they mean it generally (for all loses) or just like a way for therapists to deal with their patients. Perhaps we understand the word differently and if they explained it better, we'd see it's not as radical as it seems to us. I don't know. I personally don't see it as a total replacement with new people, but just like a way not to experience any pain after having mourned over a loss and being able to enjoy new relationships. That's, in principle, the same as in your case, so that's why I wouldn't see is as so different. It's just described differently. But the funny thing is that we always interpret other's words according to our views, so... it's nearly impossible to find out the truth. The only thing that would help here would be if they read your description and say if they agree or how much it's similar to their way of "processing" a loss.

There are lots of fingerprints on my heart. :)

I love this metaphor!! :) :)

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A press article:

http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/03/why-you-cant-keep-a-secret/357571/

research shows an association between keeping an emotionally charged secret and ailments ranging from the common cold to chronic diseases [3]. Other evidence in favor of disclosure includes multiple studies showing that writing about a traumatic experience can boost the immune system [4], and the finding that teens who confide in a parent or close friend report fewer physical complaints and less delinquent behavior, loneliness, and depression than those who sit on their secrets [5]

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I can't help myself, I have to recommend also this article:

http://www.theguardi...-talk-about-ted

At least one quote, so true and apposite also "at a personal level" (!!):

At a societal level, the bottom line is if we invest in things that make us feel good but which don't work, and don't invest in things that don't make us feel good but which may solve problems, then our fate is that it will just get harder to feel good about not solving problems.

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Perhaps interesting for some of you - a part of this article:

The attributes of compassion

Care for well-being

This requires harnessing the motivation to be caring for the purpose of alleviating distress and facilitating the flourishing and development of the target of the caring.

Sensitivity

The individual is sensitive to distress and needs, and able to recognise and distinguish the feelings and needs of the target of their caring.

Sympathy

Having sympathy involves being emotionally moved by the feelings and distress of the target of their caring. In the therapeutic relationship this means that the client is able to experience the therapist as being emotionally engaged with their story as opposed to being emotionally passive or distant.

Distress tolerance

Having distress tolerance means being able to contain, stay with and tolerate complex and high levels of emotion, rather than avoid, fearfully divert from, close down, contradict, invalidate or deny them. The client experiences the therapist as able to contain their own emotions and the client’s emotions. The therapist is not alarmed, shocked or frightened by the client’s emotions or, if they are, they contain it and act in an appropriate way.

Empathy

Feeling empathy involves working to understand the meanings, functions and origins of another person’s inner world so that one can see it from their point of view. Empathy takes effort in a way that sympathy does not. Self-empathy is the ability to stand back from and understand our own thoughts and feelings.

Non-judgement

Being non-judgemental means not condemning, criticising, shaming or rejecting. However, non-judgement does not mean non-preference. For example, non-judgement is important in Buddhist psychology where we learn to experience the moment ‘as it is’. However, this does not mean we do not have preferences. The Dalai Lama would very much prefer the world to be less cruel and more compassionate. Indeed, these can be highly pursued life goals.

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Not really "reading", but I don't know where to post it and don't want to start a new thread:

F2.medium.gif

Bodily topography of basic (Upper) and nonbasic (Lower) emotions associated with words. The body maps show regions whose activation increased (warm colors) or decreased (cool colors) when feeling each emotion. (P < 0.05 FDR corrected; t > 1.94). The colorbar indicates the t-statistic range.

http://www.pnas.org/content/111/2/646.full

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Evidence-based pharmacological treatment of anxiety disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder: A revision of the 2005 guidelines from the British Association for Psychopharmacology

http://jop.sagepub.c...s=1&ssource=mfr

Abstract

This revision of the 2005 British Association for Psychopharmacology guidelines for the evidence-based pharmacological treatment of anxiety disorders provides an update on key steps in diagnosis and clinical management, including recognition, acute treatment, longer-term treatment, combination treatment, and further approaches for patients who have not responded to first-line interventions. A consensus meeting involving international experts in anxiety disorders reviewed the main subject areas and considered the strength of supporting evidence and its clinical implications. The guidelines are based on available evidence, were constructed after extensive feedback from participants, and are presented as recommendations to aid clinical decision-making in primary, secondary and tertiary medical care. They may also serve as a source of information for patients, their carers, and medicines management and formulary committees.

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I enjoyed reading this and find it rings very true for me. Writing helps me a great deal. Much of my therapy was done this way as well. I'm grateful that my therapist allowed me to express myself through writing.

http://mic.com/artic...change_facebook

interesting article,i enjoyed reading it,and sounds plausible,encouraging,and gives hope,as writing is something pretty much anyone/everyone can do.

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Have you ever tried writing expressively about how you feel, mts? I have done this over the years in many different ways... short stories, poetry, and now blogging. I write a lot now too about every day stuff. My blog is always there when I need or want to express something. I also use it to practice being very openly myself. If I'm really struggling with my emotions, I find writing about my feelings helps me to process them.

There are several highlighted links in the article as well, that will take you to other articles and studies. All very interesting, I thought.

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Have you ever tried writing expressively about how you feel, mts?

Not really, no. I think I would find that very strange and difficult, to write to myself? I suppose I did in that other thread to some extent. I'm not really into stories, and I suck at poetry...

I suppose I could try writing letters to people, my family maybe.

Thanks for the suggestions. I'll try writing something tonight...

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