Missing everyone, I hope you all are having a good summer. I am doing the best I can with what time I have to myself to enjoy a few minutes here and there. Its difficult, all friends are out enjoying, traveling, even my horse friends are out taking long rides that I use to be able to do. At least an old friend said starting next week she would be willing to donate an hour a couple of times so that I can take a real good walk with the terrier boys..they have been getting frustrated and depressed with the lack of exercise too..nothing sadder than to see a depressed Jack Russell..so at least that is good..and if I get my act together early in the morning like at 5am just as it gets light out I can take them out for run while mom is still asleep. Can't stand to see my dogs depressed. They are use to the days when we would take at 2 mile hikes.

Shannon, please forgive me for not being around as often to offer you support. Between several moderate crisis on my end along with work I have been a little MIA. I am glad to hear you were able to get an appointment. I know your concerns about letting your mother's doctor in on what this is all doing to you but I wish that you would. With your mother's declining cognitive abilities etc I'd hope they could find you more assistance in caring for her. I know it all sounds like it's all going around and around in a circle, the frustration, depression and anger I know it must and I can hear how it is consuming you. I am sorry you are hurting so, much.

I can not remember if you've mentioned it or not and of course you don't have to answer if it's too personal but does your mother have a will? If she does are you the beneficiary or is her non involved sister? My wife has a few ideas but they are based on the answer to the above question.

I know I've told you many times how I wish you weren't so, far away and I'll say it again because I really wish that you weren't. We would have a lot more ways to actually help if you weren't and I feel quite frustrated with not being able to.

I hope you enjoy the time out with the furry kids.

Also I just want you to know the boys aren't ignoring you. It is my fault and I apologize for not posting sooner about them being back in Pennsylvania. It's time for Jedidiah to make his decision and he asked Mike to go with him.

Hotspot, I understand having to deal with turmoil and I bet a lot is going if school is out for the kids like it is here.

I am my mothers beneficiary on all matters, my aunt has no say in anything. On top of that when we last went to see her doctor she was in a very alert and cognitive state, the last I have seen yet. Her Doc and his took advantage of this and talked to her about her wishes should she need to be put on anykind of life support, I appreciate that they did this as it is something very hard for me.

Took the terriers out for an early run this morning, I think it helped. Thanks for updating me on the boys, I am curious on how it turns out.

hey shannon sorry youve been feelin alone and down glad you got appointment comin though gettin out with the pooches is great thing to do and you know they love it Im here in amishland with Jedidiah he asked if I would come with him and I needed a break from a lot of not great shit goin on so here I am again at old macdonalds place they are all so nice here to me and Domino kind of wish maybe they could let me move in my connection here is hit or miss with wifi but even that dont seem to bother me as much as the first visit the unplugged feelin is kind of nice and really what I think I needed I had to swap several of my work days to get lump of time to come with Jedidiah but it work out

Hotspot the kids off to camp yet?

anyway wanna say sorry for not gettin the other blog all together yet I had started it but a lot of lifes crap sidelined my original hopeful deadline of havin it done I promise to work harder on gettin it finished when I return so we can all really start talkin again I miss all you guys and being able to be real without crap

I also miss mrs hotspot comin to talk a little and though I understand her not wantin to get in the middle of problem me jedidiah and hotspot have with some of this place and maligns one sided warped feelings about us I liked her stopping in and really look to her being a bigger part of our group I also think youd like havin a nother female around shannon not like we here are talking greese fan belts and lug nuts but I know some of you gals like to just have other gals around and Luna is real busy and probably doesnt really wanna post with us

... but I like posting here with you, brodman.

I have just resigned from my job, the work hours were driving me crazy with these 12 hour shifts, not to mention a whole lot of other stuff that I found difficult. On my days off I just collapse. I can't live like this. I am moving to an 8-5 job taking blood samples for a lab, which I think will suit me better. Just a few more days till the end of the month and then I move.

Shannon, you are much on my mind. I wish that that could help you with your mom, but I know it doesn't.

Brodman and Jedidiah - glad to hear things are good in Pennsylvania. Think about you a lot, too, Jedidiah I wish you well whatever you decide, you know that.

Shannon, it's a good thing your mother was together enough to voice her wants with the doctors at her last appointment.

Regarding beneficiary I was asking about her Will not you being her current guardian or having power of attorney. I could be incorrect but I thought in previous writings you mentioned becoming homeless once your mother becomes deceased. I also thought you mentioned your Aunt wanting you to put your mother in a home, selling the house and leaving you to live in a vehicle. Please forgive me if I am getting any of these facts confused. Unfortunately we reside in a world ruled by money. Having money greatly increases the choices and options available.

My wife at one point worked with a lot of families and elder care. There are many ways to get the help you both need but it's all dependent upon specific criteria. I know your fathers pension which you've mentioned is ending/ nearly depleted and then there would only be your mothers meager one. Oregon is obviously another state than what I and my wife reside however, she is telling me there are many government avenues available to help you both. For starters your not being able to work because of needing to be a full time care giver on top of having your own illness warrants government aid.

I am so tired of hearing about all those sucking the system dry when they really can work or about the others that although work but need a little extra help abusing those services with every loop hole they can find. Then there are folks like you in real need getting a whole lot of nothing. Unfortunately unless you know what to ask for and apply for you don't get anywhere.

Hey Mike, happy to hear you are getting a breather. I know you have been going through so, much. You guys getting away and being there to support Jedidiah is great. My wife took care of those forms for you so, don't worry about them.

Hmm kids and camp well originally I think I told you about 2 going to sleep away camp and 2 going to do day camp while our last addition remained home altogether. At the last moment plans changed a bit and one of our boys that has never wanted to do sleep away decided he did. So, 2 went together to one sleep away camp and the other went off to a different one. 5 Days into the stay he had a major melt down and I had to go and get him. It was then back to day camp about 8 days into that our other original day camper broke his ankle. My wife had hoped for some more alone time with our last addition to really try and get him ready for school in the fall. Everything has started to work out though.

So, to sum it up we have 2 away at sleep away camp, 1 going to day camp and staying with grandparents, 1 injured out of camp altogether being pampered and spoiled staying with my parents. The new addition is loving all the time with my wife and myself when not at work. Academically he is more than ready to return to school behavior wise not even remotely.

Luna, I'm glad you will start to work at a place that won't be so, overwhelming for yourself. Whatever happened with your tenant from hell?

Hotspot and Mrs Hotspot, I can't tell you enough how you both show concerns for my strange situation. Upon mom's death the house will go to me..that is for sure as well as any assets they maybe left..this I checked with a attorney..The issue maybe me being out of work for so long being able to get back into the work force to continue to pay the mortgage, which granted is less monthly payments then any rentals around here..I would probably need to get rid of my dogs to get into a rental, rent around here is twice the amount of the mortgage we pay now. So one option would be trying to get a job and ugh get a room mate to split the costs.

I have the same feelings as you do about applying for SSDI..I relunctly did so..and of course got denied right off, then I went to a attorney firm that specializes in SSDI claims, they reveiwed my medical records from my doc and decided not to take the case as they felt they could not win...I think I know the reason why..when I first was diagnosed I was working, then I was on the proper medication that kept me balanced and I continued to work till layed off..during the time I couldn't see doc I went off meds..and was unstable..decided I needed to go back and seem him and get back on meds..but now that I think about it..I don't think he really updated my file and my current situation. So I am not going to spend the extra out of pocket money to see him. The meds he has me on now are not working so well, I need to be on what i orignally was taking, that worked. plus the extra expense of labs..ugh...so monday I go see this new psychiatric nurse at the clinic..it will be a 2 hour visit compared to a 15 minute visit with the doc. So we will see how it all goes. If I can get my brain chemistry back on line, I am sure my problem solving skills will improve...Im hoping anyway...will see after Monday. I will let you know.

On a good note I had a rare good day, my friend who had lost her beloved horse a short while ago met me at the stables and helped me get chores down so we could hit the trails a bit..she loves riding my horse Sam and I took my hot rod horse Navarre..it was sunny and light showing through the trees was beautiful..it was a good moment of the day.

Again thank you guys for thinking of me....one step at a time..first get the brain booted up properly to do the problem solving. Everyone have a great summer..Im trying.

My tenant from hell clings onto the flat and still loses me money. What a bitter, poisonous person. I have started the legal proceedings to get an eviction order. She said she looks forward to her "day in court".

Just want yous to know hotspot might be awhile before he replies trouble on the homefront

happy you had fun with horsies and friend shannon goodluck @ appointment too

hope you have better luck with new job luna

Sorry to hear about Hotspot...I hope all goes ok..if you do hear from him, tell him Im thinking good thoughts his way..

UGH Luna...I hope there is end in sight with this poisonus parasite...SOON...

what happened @ your appointment? I saw your forum post you go gal big reason why I like ya you always get yourself goin again I know all about doin that time after time virtually alone

sucks luna you still gotta deal with that nasty witch

anyway Im back in the fast part of the world got my nuts still hurtin from riding horsey that looks a lot like Domino going next week to get my puppy foster pawed kid happy and worried about that

Why worried, Mike?

Good morning Mike..well its morning here, you are probably already off to work. Are you worried about foster puppy because it will be a change for you and Domino? The both of you will be so great to do this, and what an honorable thing to do.

Went to my appt at the clinic yesterday...was there for a total of 4 hours! some of it of course was paperwork as I am a new client..but I was impressed with the psych nurse...I mean she took a complete history of my life, it was exhausting, she wanted to know a lot about me...something my psych doctor never kept up on. She is going to wean me off of the lithium to see if I can manage on the lamictal alone..not liking the side effects of lithium, I don't want to have damage to thyroid. They did lab work and everything, will go next month for a more theraputic hour long appt..they also set me up with woman's health for medical stuff...all this is only going to be $15 a visit...as apposed to $185 with doc for only 15 min appts.

I hope everyone is doing well...I seem to be in still in a kick ass and take names later mood.

Im happy the starter appointment went so good for you cant beat that price either

anyway goin on tues to pick out my foster pup I know Ill be great doggy parent and Domino an awesome big brother just not sure if after 12-14 months Im gonna be able to give him or her back

hope everyone has good weekend however you spend it I got work some bbq pool party with friends and finish puppy proofin house and yard

I miss and wish Jedidiah an Hotspot were here

Hi Mike, So I take it Jedidiah made the decision to return home? If so, I am greatly going to miss him too. Are you going to be able to contact him now and then? Tell him he is leaving a big hole here, but I am happy he went with what is in his heart..I hope. I hope all is well for the Hotspot family, I miss them too.

I seem to be heading towards some new path or quest as I call it.....or it could be just a mid-life crisis..I guess I will find out..and I will be sure to share it when I do.

I can't wait to hear about the foster put..name, breed everything...and I like you think it would hard to give it up when the time comes..but think of the good deed that will come from it..

Give Domino a big hug for me, my little guys are a bit worried the sky is falling since neighbors are letting off fireworks....

do you really think Jedidiah would take off forever without sayin somethin? NEVER Hes gonna stay @ Amishland for a bit talkin things over with his pops and other real old guys he than will return to our part of the world letting everyone know his final decision I tried gettin him to tell me but he said it would go against tradition to not have his pops be the first to know I really want to know feel like Im losin real good friend even if his entire community welcomes me and Domino to visit anytime Ive got other friends but he is just so not phoney or cold when you need a friend the most and he likes me because he bothered to get to know me most people just suck or turn on you

Anyway Hotspot had death in the family not sure when he will be back on but told me to tell you shannon that he is thinking about and rootin for ya

Luna sucks you still gotta deal with psycho bitch tenent hows the new vampire job goin?

Thanks Mike for letting me know whats going on with Jedidiah, I hear ya about what a wonderful friend he is to you cause I know what you mean about the phony airs some people put on...experience it all the time. I have friends but they seem to only want to envolve me when I am in one of my more playful and funny moods, as soon as I find myself in a dark and thats when I really need a friend, all they say is sorry, hang in there and change the subject or find away to say oh..gotta go. I have a couple of friends I would say that truly care, but they have their own families and lives, that I often find myself not bothering them with stuff. I guess I have my own habit of keeping myself isolated from all. I find the outside world harder and harder to associate with, having a hard time being among the human race. I have been embracing my solitary life more and more, doing a lot of reflecting over my life.

I want to congratutate you on the new baby boy, he sounds adorable and I am sure Domino is going to be a wonderful role model for him..and how exciting when he gets to meet your old people.

Im sorry to hear the Hotspots family loss, I appreciate though that he thought of me..you guys have been real good friends to me through the good and the bad.

Anxious to here about Jedidiah's decision.

Curious to about how Luna's job is going as well.

well I think a lot of the human race sucks and is filled with out right evil beings and lots more are just phony that granted can put on a good show especially with the caring understanding and lookin like they want to do good for others sometimes takes longer than other times for the real them to come shinen through I always find when it comes to so called friends that when you really need help thats when your real friends show themselfs

Anyway I miss the hotspots and Jedidiah very much I am wonderin what choice he made

Jazz is a total ham gettin along and followin Domino every where I was prepared for accidents and thinkin my belongins are chew toys but so far none of that My old people loved him crazy and yesterday was first time I took him to work without Domino he is very cute and really like bein together

each has their own crates but Jazz goes right in with Domino was funny when got home today went to take nap before dead people job got out of shower to find them both waiting for me just like Domino always does went into bedroom to finish drying up and was puttin on clean undies when Jazz was trying to get into Dominos toddler sized racecar bed he couldnt quite get up there and I was about to walk over and lend a hoist before I could Domino went right behind him and gave him the hoist he needed in the tushie with his nose it was a very cute awe moment then Domino hopped in even though Jazz has his own pillow he likes being with Domino not sure whats gonna happen when Jazz gets bigger then we all took a nap

At work now Jazz is snoring away It odd having 2 pooches here with me Jazz is liking all the space on the grounds think he is confused by all the stones and Dominos fasination with certain ones

I miss hearing from the hotspots and Jedidiah too Mike..but Im glad you are here.. Lovin your stories of adventures of Domino and Jazz. I can just picture it..I wonder who is going to have the roughest time when Jazz is going to have to move on..you or Domino...its all for a good cause..remind Domino of that. You may have to end up adopting a puppy for Domino to raise on a more permant basis if he gets to crushed whe Jazz has to go and finish his schooling..but keep telling me about the adventures of those two..it brightens my day.

I have a friend who comes and donates her time to sit with my mom once or twice a week for an hour so me and my dogs can get out for a real walk..terriers love to go, go..today was one of those days..and guess what Mike..I live by a cemetary and thats where we walk..we take all the hills and loop aroung ant the boys just love it..we got home and I can tell you we all feel the burn! boys are so zonked out..but very contend as I am right now...have a peacful night Mike and talk with you later when you can..

Its good you got to get out for a walk with the pooches they really like gettin out

took Jazz to his first doggy class he did real well I think its gonna be horrible for both me and Domino when we gotta give Jazz back not so sure I made great decision about this all anyway took the boys for some new toys got some neat ones that float my furry boys are lovin the pool Domino figured out how to use the slide he gets lazy though after a few times and then just goes up and lays on the top while the water sprays him Jazz gets upset with that because he cant get up there by himself My Domino loves soccer balls more than any other kind Jazz goes nuts for tennis balls it was interesting given them their shower no way will they both fit in the tub when Jazz gets bigger Domino is great big brother already taught Jazz the potty area of the yard I was just hopin for minimal accidents so far not 1 and understanding entire yard aint toilet cant complain none

I wish I could see it all, I can just picture in my mind though..I hope you are taking many pictures of the adventures of Domino and Jazz as a memory.

I was going through some old pictures the other day..so many animals in my life the have come and gone, I will remember them all in my heart. I was blessed to share my life with them, even the baby chick when I was 4 I mistakenly named Peggy..grew up to be a rooster..I think he had a complex..he was really, really mean..:eek:

haha guess that was Mr Peggy

Animals just rock Id rather be surrounded by them than people any day and if I could afford too my place would be overflowin with them but Ive got 2 turtles and now 2 dogs thats enough I also work a lot thankfully I can take the dogs with me to a few of the jobs

My backyard is finally finished totally even got the under the sea and jungle/safari animal murals done

Really missing the guys from here and Luna never filled us in on her new job

How is the whole meds and therapy @ the new place going? Getting out for anymore strolls around the dead people with the pooches?

I got a letter from the Irs today telling me they owe me money I almost fell over after 4th time readin it even had to fax it to my CPA Never in a billion years did I expect such a letter maybe one about how I owe them or something but never other way around it will definetly help out around here to fix more stuff and I had signed up to take some cookin classes and was a little worried when I got the list of required items I have to have for the classes now wont have to sweat over all that so much

Its Karma..you have done so many good deeds with the animals and the special people in your life that the IRS took notice.

Im not sure about the therapy yet...my first appt was grueling enough...she expected me to lay out my whole life story in one sitting..ummm I kinda have a trust issue there..I mean really, I just met her and in very small office and I got that trapped feeling...I will start the actual therapy on Monday..we will see..if I feel to uncomfortable, bye, bye...funny how I alwasy suggest someone seek professional help..when I have trouble with it myself...I think I would of been fine had she not made me sit there and try and tell her everything from my childhood to now and give specific dates of the traumatic things in my life..hell Im lucky to remember what I did yesterday..really, really brought my lack of trust in people.

Hmm I get that shrinks need to know about you and whats goin on but to be expected to lay everything out like you said she expected just seems wrong and intrusive I dont care what title she has because a stranger is just that a stranger I kindof think she needs to learn some basic boundrys and to remember boundrys and common decency is a 2 way street

I have to say with the exception of a few shrink like people most seem arogant pompous and like their title should give them more liberties than others I also find that they never really address or answer rather simple questions I just had that expereince with a shrink not guy I see just one I thought could give objective opion guidance and itstead got made to feel like I was speaking different language even after explainin a second time and this wasnt even about something personal or overly shrink therapy like just wanted basic opinon I think all the shrink juice goes to their heads and they forget how to just be people also think they forget not everyone is moron