Luna.....If you haven't heard of it already, there is a wonderful site called Rainbows Bridge. Its a place to get support, tell or stories of I special animal friends..I believe they even do a tribute to your loved one....just enter rainbowsbridge.com. Check it out....I think you may get comfort from them...I know that it helped a friend of mine when he lost his beloved corgie suddenly.

sorry, just saw where I keep putting words where they don't belong...can confuse things...think I need some coffee.

I am sure Mickey is having a lot of fun with new friends on the rainbow bridge that leads to a large park full of furry friends.

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Hotspot, since you were a Marine do you know what the difference between Memorial Day and Veterans is? Are you doing anything special for the day? How are you doing with Mrs. Hotspot being away?

Luna, please talk about Mickey as much as you need to. It's obvious everyone here loves animals and understands their unique place in our hearts an lives.

Shannon, also sorry to read you needed to retire Charm. Charm probably misses being ridden around but is also happy to be relaxing.

Jedidiah, once a Marine always a Marine even if not active duty any longer. I've found a lot of people that do not know the difference between the 2 days. Thankfully a lot of times at least they believe it is a day to honor all that have served. What really disturbs me is how these days have become party and shopping event days.

Simply defined: Memorial Day is a day to honer all the men and woman that made the supreme sacrifice of giving their lives for our country. Veteran's Day is to honor all that have served alive and deceased.

It is difficult not having my wife home. Her trip away for a conference was scheduled many months ago before I had been injured. I am doing a lot better and did not want her to change plans. She goes to several conferences a year but they never are around or on a "Holiday", this year is odd. My wife truly is my real life Wonder Woman, do you know who WW is? Anyway, my parents have been helping out. I took the kid's to a small Veteran's Memorial which I try to do at least once a year with them. I want them to understand what these days really mean. During active duty I lost several good buddies and do my best to try keeping contact with their loved ones left behind throughout and over the many years passed. On days like this I especially try to reach out to them. This is how I've spent most of the day.

How have all of you spent the day?

I am glad you brought up the whole issue of memorial day Hotspot and Jediah..My grandmother always made sure that we honored those who served as it was meant to be..It would be just she and I going to the cemetarys to take flowers to lay them down..we would also go to the old pioneer cemetary as well..It was important to her that we did it on the actual day...we would take note how the majority of people would attend to love ones just before the 3 day weekend would start so that they could go camping, travel,shopping etc. This was truly a pet peeve of hers as it became to me as well..It was a special time between us..other family members wanted to go play so she relied on me to go with her..I was honored to do so. We would then afterwards have a special time together and go to breakfast. She passed away a year today, she passed away on memorial day. I miss her terribly.

Im not doing so well today, couldn't go carry on the tradition she and I shared. I am spiraling down and trying to keep from crashing into the darkness..the weather hasn't helped at all its be gloomy gray and rainy and is going to continue. I am so tired of fighting to keep my soul alive. I just truly don't kow how much longer I can do this..dreams are being slowly ripped away, the ones I still have I am holding to with a tight grasp. I feel weak, Im tired of being strong.......sorry to be so gloomy but that is how I honestly feel today.

Shannon & Hotspot, I am sorry you lost your Grandmother and friends. It is understandable Shannon to be feeling so, down on the anniversary of a loved one's passing. I would not doubt missing your grandmother is compounding your restless blue feelings. I hope you can try to find comfort in the memories of the times you shared. I wish there was more we could do to help you.

Hotspot, until a few years ago I did not know anything about the Military or these days of remembrance. I have learned a great deal over the past 2 years but I also believed Memorial day was for all Military irregardless of being alive or deceased. I am embarrassed to also have learned it to be entwined with long weekends, shopping sales and parties.

btw Maybe we can all get a little happy in thinking about our next party? Someone here is having a birthday on the 10th. I have been trying hard to figure out a good gift. I am wavering between an extra large box of those adult diapers I have seen in the pharmacy OR a walker with tennis balls on the feet. Our birthday boy is getting very old.

Maybe a birthday party is a good I idea Jedidiah, lord knows I need a little sunshine now. I am doing my best to hang in there..fearing if this crisis continues I will end up in hospital...they are going to have to catch me first. I am going to call the mental health clinic today to see if they can offer help as my doc doesn't seem interested in helping me anymore..I think its the money thing, when I do see him its for only for 15 minutes and then Im sent on my way...I really question the meds I am on..I think they are harming me physically not mention not helping much with stablizing me.

Im sorry guys,,I am having an extreme meldown, it was so bad last night almost took off im my truck and drove to no where..was prepared to call caregiver and everything..but I didn't. Today I triied to reach out the best I could. I fired my psychiatrist Just could'nt see paying half of my allowance each much just to discuss my meds and pay another big fee for blood work...I called th local county mental health dept, they talked to me and referred me to another clinic that has a psychiatric nurse practioner..I did, two month waiting list..calle mental health that..the said sorry, keep on the list but if I feel the need I can come and walk in their doors...they other than that your only choice would be the hospital....talk about falling in between the cracks! not only is my mother falling in between the cracks...I falling right behind her.

I just woke from a self induced coma type sleep, feeling a bit dioriented, mom is fine but I need to fix dinner for her....it just never ends...doesn't seem to be an end in sight. I think this is going to goiing on for another ten years...I will be 60 then, I really don't think there will be anything left of me.....sorry if I am dampeing anyones spirits...I am totally lost.

(((Shannon))), first of course I'm sorry you are feeling so, defeated. I'm glad you decided to not continue to see a psychiatrist that isn't really helping or understanding your situation enough to offer adequate support.

Perhaps it is time to truly let your mother's physician in on what YOU are going through and have been. Also just walking into the clinic instead of waiting 2 months might be your best bet. You need in person help immediately, unfortunately it appears now a days for a lot of people to get help they almost need to become an in their face kind of "nuisance". To keep from spiralling down even further I'd strongly suggest heading in ASAP. Maybe with someone to speak to in person can not only relieve some of the stress build up, but get you off the wrong meds and onto the right ones. They also might be able to help with your mother's financial situation which is limiting your ability to keep helping her and yourself afloat.

Also what about your firehouse do they have the full picture of what is going on with your mother? Fundraisers and just getting extra volunteer help would take a lot of the stress off of you. Trust me I know all about not wanting others to know this or that etc etc Sometimes though there comes a time where you need to set that all aside and just lay it out there that you need help now. It's amazing how much some people will offer to help if they know what is going on.

Wishing you well as always.

Thanks Hotspot for you kind words. I was in fact planning on going into my county mental health dept, but then I started feeling sooo drained all I wanted to do was come home and sleep, slept for a couple of hours only to wake up with f***ing cold. I have to get up and ready for the day, may have time to go to county mental, don't know, not thinking clearly. My mom's doc and his wife are fully aware of the stress I am under,,all they say is you must take regular days off..hmmm, would be nice. They do not know however that I struggle with rapid cycles do to bipolor or PTSD..I am afraid to let them know about that due to stigma of it...they may think I shouldn't take care of mom..she has never been in danger from due to that but yet the stigma exists. I desparately need to get back on the meds that original helped, not this cheap shit that I think are more harmful to me physically.

As for help from my brothers at the fire station, well there are a couple of them I could call on whenever..but you have to keep in Hotspot this is not a career dept, but a volunteer one..and to make matters worse, the Chief is my ex..who abandon me when things where getting tough with mom ten years ago..hows that for a soap opera story. It just seems no matter where I turn for help I just keep getting shut down.

I hope you are mending well and taking care of yourself..you have been a good and supportive friend..as well as Mrs. Hotspot..I truly enjoyed her checking in with us.

Thinking of you, Shannon - really hope you can get some kind of help that will make a difference.

Thanks Luna..I hope things are going ok with you.

I feel much better today, got some good sleep and I think I am going to beat this cold off soon. I am feeling a bit more balanced too.

shannon It sucks things are feelin so low for you In the past you said your mothers dr and a nurse I think also rave about how well you take care of your mom Im confused why you think they suddenly would if you told them specially since they are in health care about how caring for your mom is really messing with your own problems I get stigmas and all that I do but if any people would get it more and have seen already how good you take care of your wouldnt it be them Im not tryin to make you feel bad just want you to get help you need I also get the prblems with askin at the fire house for help though even if they are volunteer they are people lots of places rally together to help if they dont know though bottom line is I dont want you feelin like shit and bein all alone with it like you said if you winded up in hospital it wouldnt be good for lots of reasons Glad you are feelin a little better today but I worry about when you arent again what ya gonna do

Luna hope you are doin better too

Hotspot when is mrs commin home?

Jedidiah insted of the diapers and walker get me my own wheelchair with motor so I can cruise around

my back yard is startin to look like yard again water goes in pool on sat

I got call back from the service dog agency they accepted me as puppy foster parent Have a ppointment in July to go meet the new puppies asked if I could bring Domino really want him to help pick the new one out they didnt have any problem with that I hadnt realized it but they pay for all the medical and food I would have done it anyway but that sure helps all I gotta pay for is toys and give the puppy good beginning life and teach him or her basic stuff which already been there done that with Domino and get the puppy very social figure my old people can help with that and the puppy can get use to being in a car and than a bus and all that too The biggest part I still worry about is the having to give him or her back its kind of like loaner puppy I wonder if Domino will get depressed losin a friend

Shannon, I understand your concerns and limitations but I'm still concerned. I can not recall if you looked into the Special Needs trust I mentioned months ago. My wife and I had some of the same issues regarding my father in-law's meager pension getting in the way of him qualifying for assistance he really needed. Once we were able to have his pension put into the trust he became eligible for much needed aid. I really think besides this obviously helping your mother with her needs but that by doing so, it would also alleviate a lot of the stress upon you. It would allow you the ability to afford more help for her as well as also allowing you to return to work if even part time. Further time to get yourself together with whatever you need.

Mike, I saw your reply in the other thread and although I don't agree with it all, I do hear your frustration. I didn't reply there because I think it is a waste of time to continue to speak to someone that only wanted to talk at us. I am not as savvy with these computers as you are and never noticed the IP list. I still am not sure where that is located. Honestly though I don't think it matters too much but I also do not care for shadiness.

It is nice to hear that your renovations are coming along I look forward to seeing the end result. I had not realized you applied to be a foster puppy parent. I thought you were still thinking it over. Congratulations on being accepted, I am sure you will give any animal a great home and start in life. Service dogs are an enormous asset to those that need them. I can really understand the attachment concerns you are having. I've had to deal with those many times over the years. At times I thought I'm going to try to not become so, attached or that I'd never be able to return a child that was brought into our home. I don't have any easy answers or grand words of wisdom. I do know you will be able to remember how much you cared for and tried to make the best of the time you spent with the puppy. You will also be able to be proud of instilling and shaping a furry 4 pawed kid for someone in need.

I see you want a motorized wheelchair for your birthday? Seriously what are you thinking you might like? If you don't let us know I have a feeling Jedidiah will in fact get you that jumbo box of diapers. :eek:

Anyway, thankfully my wife will return later tonight. I don't know how she does all that she does without going nuts around here. Between 5 kids a stack of animals and me, I'm surprised she hasn't screamed heading for the hills. Taking care of the house and everything within it without her is like trying to fight a raging inferno with a toy water gun. It is kind of funny since she gave me a list which was part of the schedule of how she keeps everything flowing around here. I've screwed it royally up in ways even she probably didn't think I was capable of. In my defense the animals and kids are alive and the house is still standing, where anything is or should be is another matter.

Good Morning guys, My cold has seemed to settled in my sinus' whoopee...not. Mike, I know I shouln't feel that the very support that I get from mom's doc should get to me..but having been faced with the stigma..well it's something I guess I need to work on. I am very excited for you with the pet partners thing, You and Domino are going to be awesome examples for these future working dogs. Hey I have one of those moterized wheelchairs....It was my mom's first, she had to be fitted for a new...it's really cool, it tips back like an easy chair and everything and can go really, really fast.

Hotspot...yeah I talked to someone about what is called an Income cap trust. This is an option we can do once my fathers retirement is gone..which will be soon. Then we can go that way. Once we have the Income Cap trust. she will then be eligible for medicaid.

I want to add again Hotspot that you and Mrs. Hotspot have been so very supportive to me in this journey I am going through with my mother..I wish you both could meet her..she is such an inspiration and a love. In reality as tough as it is, I am very lucky to have a mom like her.

I do wish that you didn't reside so, far away not only because meeting you and your mother would be a great thing but we could offer much more help. I am certain your mother is a courageous and strong lady even without meeting her. After all look how you turned out, that doesn't tend to come from out of no where ya know.

Thankfully my wife is finally home because it felt like eons had passed. The kids and I made her a welcome home dinner, nothing fancy just salad, spaghetti with meatballs and garlic bread. We also had her favorite ice cream cake for dessert. The kids were so, excited to show her all their items from school and tell her everything they had been up to. Now everyone but me is asleep but overall things around here are a hell of a lot calmer with her back.

Good Im glad everthing is back to normal now that Mrs. Hotspot is home. How wonderful of you and the kids to make her a nice dinner to come home to. I know that I would become fast friends with her if I had the chance.

I am lucky to have great friends here too...had a sad memorial weekend..one year aniversary of my grandmothers passing..then I my good friend called me last Sunday..Her beloved horse was down with colic...she was so stressed and upset that I could tell that it was bad..fortunately Crystal lives down the street and came to stay with mom so I could run out there to be with her..It was bad, she had to make the difficult decsion to lay him to rest. He had just turned 25 yrs old. I am glad I was able to be there for her and say good bye to him...I feed for her during the weekday mornings. She use to compete in dressage on him and I had the honor of getting to ride him when she gave me a dressage lesson....she told me other than his trainer I was the only other person she let ride him. She has another very young horse that is related to one of mine, but he is to young yet to be ridden..so she is going to ride mine whenever she wants..I know they will benefit from her skills. We have been helping each other through the grieving process. LOL we even both got that nasty cold..she brought over homemade soup...what a good friend indeed.

We actually ha SUN!!!! and its warm..doing some yard work it feels soooo good. I hope you guys have a great weekend..

thats sad about the horsey nice of you to share your horsey with her

spagethi and meatballs sounds real good tell the mrs welcome back for me

pool is all filled with water nothin seems to be leakin the slide is goin up tomorrow I spent 3 hours puttin patio furniture together Domino is happy to have most of his backyard back I cant swim in the pool yet still have to wait for all the chemicals to get to right levels but I couldnt help it I blew up some of my new friends and had them floating around in it cant believe I finally got my pool

How exciting Mike..your own pool...does Domino have his own set of water wings?

yeah I still feel sad for my friend, we have been talking a lot and I think it has helped her. She is one of my bestest friends...I was down and out with this dang cold and she brings over some homemade soup...It makes me not feel bad about not wanting to have my auntie around and thinking I dont' have family..when in reality I have better than family..I have true friends.

Domino doesn't need water wings ... his legs reach all the way to the bottom.

Luna..I didn't even think of that..of course his legs would touch the bottom.

How are you doing by the way? Hows the job going. I just saw a posting for a job I know I can do . Its working in the court system, something I am familiar with..thinking of giving it a go..and see If I can work it out some how..I want to get back to work sooo bad, it would also provide great medical benenfits too. I know that getting mom more in home care is still going to be costly..but if I could at least break even I think I could swing it...first thing first though..gotta apply.

Go for it, Shannon - especially if you know you can do it.

Mike, I bet Domino is going to love his new pool. Talk about a toy for a big boy!

Elijah and Hotspot: I hope you are well.

The job's not going so well. It's not the hard work that puts me off as much as the stress of it. I find it unbelievably stressful and I don't do stress very well. We'll see, but I have to confess that I have applied for another job that just came up. If I get it I will jump ship, as disloyal as that feels. I have to watch my stress levels over the long term or I'm vulnerable to another bipolar episode. Will keep you posted.

I wish you all the luck Luna..and yes you must consider your stress levels above all else....I think I missed the boat on that job..its not posted anymore..but I just may go directly to courthouse to find out for sure...sometimes I just don't trust online info..it says whenever I look for it..unable to locate..something like that..I prefer submitting the old fashioned way anyway..