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Sexuality


SkyHawk

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TRIGGER WARNING: Sex talk, sexuality confusion, talk of porn

The Internet's Interference With Sexuality

I'm confused about my sexual orientation. I don't know what I truly find sexy.

Today, for example, I found “regular” porn to be exciting. That's pretty rare in my case, most of the time it's to all sorts of odds and ends. Those odds and ends being all sorts of stories, furry cub porn(cute stuff mostly) and bondage whatever it might be. I haven't viewed anything illegal in a year because I could care less.

Do I like pubescent kids? Yes. Did I find the women attractive in the porn vid today? Yes. Am I bisexual? Maybe. Although I find the idea exciting.

I'm wondering if everything is tied to my insecurity, anxiety, and overall lack of sexual experience.

Being an ENFP I like trying everything and I get excited about lots of things. Including anything to do with sex. Maybe the taboo of certain topics make it that much more exciting to me.

Well when I move out after this semester(I hope) Maybe some wild sex will set me straight. :)

What is your sexuality like and are some people as open as mine is? These things can be confusing for a teen but i’m 22 and still confused. In a world full of easily assessable online content it doesnt surprise me.

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I'm sorry to start our acquaintance this way, Sky, but even on blogs, it's better to include trigger warnings for explicit stuff (and not to make it too explicit.) You mention "you guys", which makes me think that you believe that you're only being read by others with pedophilic urges. Unfortunately, the reality of our site is that we have people with a wide variety of histories, including child abuse survivors. It makes sense to take care of everybody, in other words.

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Hi SkyHawk :(

Ok, so erm I read your blog pre-edit. I was gonna comment but thought you just wanted the guys too. :o

Im guessing thats still what you want - so Im just gonna say....

Just coz your 22 doesnt mean you cant be confused about your sexuality hun. Confusion has no age limit to it.

Hope your day is kind to you :)

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The fact that you're so confused may actually be a good thing. It provides reason to believe that this whole pedophilic phase may pass. And if not, well at least you tried. You're still a good person at heart.

I am also very sexually confused (obviously.) I'm attracted to very young children (especially boys,) though the major attraction for boys pretty much stops at puberty, while the attraction for girls continues. However, as far as adults go, I am far more attracted to women than men, though I've admitted many times already that I do sometimes have gay fantasies and even occasionally use gay porn. However, I'd never actually care enough to act on the gay fantasies.

I don't really know where I'm going with this. I guess it's just to say that I know where you're coming from. It's scary not knowing what sexual orientation you have, but I've also got to admit that it's a little exciting when you discover something new about yourself.

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Wait, what do I want? All I want is to be happy and have friends in real life that I can be myself with.

The whole point of my blog post was to express my insane amount of sexual confusion in my head. I think I'm completely fine and my only problem is social anxiety. I really think that coupled with my sexual inexperience causes my main issue.

In fact when I left my therapist anxiety is all we discussed. Plus I see some huge differences between me and would be pedophiles.

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Wait' date=' what do I want? All I want is to be happy and have friends in real life that I can be myself with.

[/quote']

Now that is awesome !!! :(

I think thats what a lot people want in and from life too - I know that its one of the main things I would like :o

Hows your day going ?

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Your possibly mixing social anxiety with lack of sexual experience is EXACTLY what my therapist thinks is the root of my problems. It's quite possible, no doubt.

Do you still receive therapy?

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Musicman, SWEET! Yah, I think my therapist thought the same. I currently don't see her(shes super cute btw) plus her last name is Fox. hot. Ahh so off topic. :o Um, I'm going to make an appointment soon... we kinda stopped seeing each other for some non personal reasons.

Sue, I'm good! Thanks for asking. I'm working on a bunch of things but currently my dad's tv broke and I've taken it all apart and in the process of tracking down a faulty resistor or replacing the dlp ballast.

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Hey You guys,

Just in case Im missing it, forgive my intrusion, but the "you guys" is a simple linguistics issue. Where I live, we/I say "you guys " all the time. Its just addressing a group of people. "Hey! You guys want to play tag? Turn down the music guys. Even when I'm talking to a woman: "Did you guys get that hail storm?

PS Yes...lots of crazy porn. The longer you look the crazier it gets. You guys should know that! I mean , Everybody should know that.

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Therapy can be really helpful if you find the right therapist. I'm really glad I found a good one because in all honesty, I don't think I'd be here today without him (though I shouldn't think about that.) Anyway, I hope all goes okay for you. And I'm glad you were able to give up the illegal material.

Jai, I understood "you guys" the same way that you did. I thought that was pretty much common everywhere :o.

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EGood job on not looking at illegal material anymore, that is quite an accomplishment. In my opinion I do not see anything wrong with being into differents walks of sexuality so to speak. Anything between two consenting adults is fine. Now if these preferences you have are causing you problems in your day to day life then yeas seek out therapy, but if not I say just explore it and see what it is all about :) Sexuality is never just black and white and those who say theirs is are fibbing.

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Hey SkyHawk.

So, I tend to not talk about my sexuality much (or at least that used to be the case until I came to this site...seems I've been doing so more and more...), but just adding my own experiences. I'm 31 and still confused. Don't feel like going into details at the moment, but suffice it to say, I'm still not even sold on my orientation as being straight, but the reasons may or may not be ones that should be influencing such things.

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hmmm, my sexuality appears to be quite closed tightly as of this moment and for as long as i can remember. as far as i am aware, i am only sexually attracted to prepubescent boys, although would never dream of acting upon it mind you.

reading through the other comments, i also think that you may also just be going through a "pedophile phase" and may just outgrow it, especially you react positively to adult porn.

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hmmm' date=' my sexuality appears to be quite closed tightly as of this moment and for as long as i can remember. as far as i am aware, i am only sexually attracted to prepubescent boys, although would never dream of acting upon it mind you.

reading through the other comments, i also think that you may also just be going through a "pedophile phase" and may just outgrow it, especially you react positively to adult porn.[/quote']

Thank you for the encouragement, I do believe this is something I can grow out of if I want. It's going to take some more encouragement with adults before I feel that I can fit in. Then I can go around chasing quiet women. *Pictures pirate of the caribbean ride where they run around it circles* :o

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I went shopping today BTW. I'm uber excited to start class now... feeling all confident and slick looking. Nice shirts and things. I kinda want to look into more accessories(that sounds really girlish). But I always get complimented by girls in class when I buy things. I must have good taste. lol

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Yea today. I get excited quickly and depressed quickly. To keep feeling up I really need to sch my therapist so she can guide me through the school year.

Last time I did that I got all B's and an A. That's unheard of from me. My anxiety and happiness heavily influences my grades. My dad on the other hand can work hard and well even when not feeling good.

I have deep feelings for his well being, I feel sorry for him a lot.

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IMHO sexuality is neither stable nor easily categorized. For this reason I feel bemused when people try to form an identity around it. Whatever you like, you like. There is no box you have to fit yourself into before dating. It will change over time. This also is okay.

You find different things sexy at different times. What's wrong with that? Whoever can constantly feel aroused by the same stimulus over time is the weird one, IMHO. It's like eating the same exact menu day after day. Some people do it and that's what they are comfortable with. By no means though should one feel pressured to maintain monotony in either diet or intimate relations. As long as you aren't hurting anyone, it's nobody's business that you don't want to involve.

Since you mentioned "internet interference" and then lack of sexual experience I wonder if exposure to porn might have skewed your expectations to some extent. Sexual relations with others has much more to do with intimacy and taking care of one's partner, at least in my own experience. Porn on the other hand ;) is just getting oneself off. They are two separate activities and I would caution against trying to integrate the two.

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Since you mentioned "internet interference" and then lack of sexual experience I wonder if exposure to porn might have skewed your expectations to some extent. Sexual relations with others has much more to do with intimacy and taking care of one's partner' date=' at least in my own experience. Porn on the other hand ;) is just getting oneself off. They are two separate activities and I would caution against trying to integrate the two.[/quote']

I feel like this has been done to me. I mean, I know that that's not really what sex is, but that's how I've always envisioned it. I imagine that this may lead to a few issues later on in life when I actually form a serious relationship, but I don't think it's going to be too bad. I'm all for romance.

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