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ohshitferabrane


SweetSue

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So apparently in hospital they dont like/approove of people tryna kill themself - kinda wierd. It would certainly free up a extra bed. SO I gotta ask how long will it take to be unfucked?, so I can get my f'ked up self out of here - yeah i realise its like saying how long is a bit of string...... :o

They keep tryna talk to me, but so much of me is f'ked I dont know where to begin to tell 'em the whys, the whys arent important, to anyone cept me - dont want the bees to leave the nest......

Screwed up thoughts and distorted images, too much volume in my head with no off switch. i just want out.

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I like to pass the time creating my own christmas carols...to the tune of the originals of course. (to the tune of Oh Christmas tree...)

Ohhhh Shitferbrains, Oh Shitferbrains...

Most troubling, your answers.

Ohhh Shitferbrains, Oh Shitferbrains...

I'd much rather have cancer.

The way you work, i'd rather hide.

Cus I can't tell, when you have lied.

Oh Shitferbrains Oh Shitferbrains

Fuck u i'd rather chance 'er.

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTPG6FdHXLKR0YloycHXgk2G-GMbC1RBxAKPnIFyY2MBdmbooSxGg

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thanks for the song(s) :o

im just pissed coz i dont want to be - and nearly wasnt - YAY peace. But the bastards bought me round eventually - nat a YAY, its HELL and very loud :mad:

cant even bloody drink in here, my meds dont work, cant go out - they have all the control - its fucked up shit.:mad:

hmmm, idk, wgaf. just gotta keep my head low - do my time in this place then i can fucking sort out stuff. :mad:

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Here's the deal, suesue. Remember when everything was going on with your babies and I told you I fully expected you to crash hard after all of that was over? It was a big big stressfull thing no one should ever have to go through. And when things like that end, there is relief at first, but in the space where you finally can relax, that's when shit hits you. This is the shit hitting you. You are in the middle of the shit. It is a shitty place to be. Brown everywhere. And it stinks. So much shit, your eyes are covered and you can't see beyond the shit. But here's also the deal--you will not be in the shit forever. I know this is all so incredibly painful, but I also know you are one of the strongest people I know. Lying to the docs and people taking care of you isn't going to help. You've got to be brave and tell them what's going on. If writing makes it easier, do it that way. Show them your blog and posts on here. The docs and nurses want to help. The meds are supposed to help too. But it will take time. You know this. And you've got all of us here sitting with you, ok?

We've got tissues and chocolate and gerties and bunkers and one way tickets to africa here. You let me know what you need and I'm on it, ok?

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with this much shit around maybe I should be a dung beatle :o

and yeah I remember you warning me little bro - didnt expect it to hit this hard :o

im not a strong person - not these days, and it would take a strong, really stron person to be able to voice out loud truthfully to the docs all that has been going on with me. they wont 'get it' let alone understand wtf im going on about. easier to say nothing. my section runs out soon, (i think) and as long as im quiet and stay unheard i can leave then. im not good with being locked in somewhere i dont want to be.

the docs and nurses cant help - not this time. its too late, and too much zooming around me and inside my little head. its impossible.

i love gerties - thanks for remembering :o

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No, suesue. Not going to convince me you aren't strong. I know way better than that. I understand that you don't feel that way right now, though.

Now, you know keeping quiet just to get out of there isn't going to help you none and you know you aren't safe by yourself right now. You've got to tell them what's going on. Can you show them your blogs? Do you need help writing it out? You know I'll help you with that if you want.

Docs and nursies can keep you alive until the shit dies down, babe. That's their job.

In the mean time, I'm sending in an army of dung beetles to help you move the shit around:

Namibia-dung-beetle-feast.jpg

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thanks for the dung beatle army - thats kinda cool - in a shitty kind of way - wonder if they have five a side shitball teams? yeah Im weird.....

your very thoughtful little bro :o

its how i got out so quickly last time, keep quiet, just agree to everything they say, nod my head in all the right places, and tell 'em what they want to hear.

its easy to say be honest with the docs and nurses. but when it comes to it, i dont want them to know, scared that if they do, they will keep me locked up for longer - its a real threat.

truth is im not safe out of the hospital - i realise that, unfortunately im not safe in the hospital either. coz where there is a will there is a way.

if only i could change my own personal will from wanting to be dead, to wanting to try not to be dead - then maybe i would stand more of a chance of gettting through this, rather than allowing myself to suffocate underneath it all. But i dont know how to do that - sods law.

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thanks for the dung beatle army - thats kinda cool - in a shitty kind of way - wonder if they have five a side shitball teams? yeah Im weird.....

shitball! yes! So...what are the rules? Should we paint the beetles colors so we can tell the teams apart? A pink team and a green team maybe?

its easy to say be honest with the docs and nurses. but when it comes to it, i dont want them to know, scared that if they do, they will keep me locked up for longer - its a real threat.

Lots of things are a lot easier to say than do. I know that. But maybe you need to stay there a bit longer until you are safe enough to be alone again. I know it sucks being there. But you've got your computer, right? I'll make sure you have frequent virtual outings with the gerties. Also, I provide voodoo dolls for nursies who are annoying.

if only i could change my own personal will from wanting to be dead, to wanting to try not to be dead - then maybe i would stand more of a chance of gettting through this, rather than allowing myself to suffocate underneath it all. But i dont know how to do that - sods law.

You still have that will, sue. I can hear it in you even if you can't. It will come out strong again soon. Until then, we sit with you. We hang out. We get through this, ok?

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erm not sure... we will have to make up the rules for shitball. and your right lets paint them - I bagsy the pink team.

yeah, i got my laptop here - thankfully. oooh voodoo dolls for annoying nurseys - do you also have ones for inconsierate p'docs?

thanks little bro :o

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Oh I've got voodoo dolls for everyone. You just let me know and I'm on it.

So...don't know how shitball works. Maybe pink goes first? is it like soccer(football) and you've got goals you try to roll the shitball to?

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I wanted to drop in and say hello. I'm so glad you are still here with us, Sue. We need your light. I know things are difficult and painful right now. I'm sorry you're hurting so much. :o :o Things can get better. I know that's hard to see right now. We're here for you.

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thanks guys :o

sorry i passed out on ya little bro. :o

thanks for the referee big sis - i forgot we needed one of them :o

not feeling well, guess my body is still getting some of the meds out of its system - idk. but whateva it is i feel yucky :o

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No worries, suesue. I'm glad you got some rest.

The yucky feeling is probably from all the shit. I brought a lot of dung beetles over to help, but it's still going to take awhile...

How are they treating you? Do we need to break out the voodoo dolls yet?

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