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false sense of ??? - IDK.



Who am I? Seriously just who the hell am I? IDK. More importantly where the frig am I? And what the lemons am I doing?

Ok, so I know my name is Sue, and Im at home, and yep I can see exactly what I am doing and I kinda even really 'know' why I am doing it.

Just how did it come to this, get like this. This is all just beyond, way beyond &%^><"*!!! :o :o


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Hi Sue. I'm sorry you are struggling so much. :o

I think it's clear you need help right now with all of this...

Is there a way to do this without you having to be hospitalized? I know that is scary for you. :( Is there a way for you to get some assistance? Call your therapist? You can't do this alone...

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thanks everyone. I really apprieicate all of your care. Especially the red cross air drop - thanks big sis :o

im numb, and staying that way, yet the tears wont stop falling. i have no fight left inside of me, so im just letting hell bring it on to me. spiralling into non existance. been seriously wondering if im dead already. nothingness and everythingness all at the same time. need a way out.

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honestly i dont know what will help. been looking at images, and listening to music all morning, trying to find something I can connect to a little. i havnt drank today, just dont need too, im already numb, and ive not OD'd on my meds as much as i normally do - perhaps thats what im doing wrong today. i dont know.

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How about sitting with your therapist...just telling her you need to sit with someone and cry a bit. Tell her that today, you don't have the words to explain, but you want some comfort. Maybe that would be a beginning.

Have you spoken with your big bro...aka Mark? He might help :-)

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i know od'ing isnt good - niether is the drinking. im tryna be careful on that score. but it does help me to pass out. when im passed out i dont know or feel anything. i can rest.

i like all music - at the moment though im just listening to the rain link you posted for me the other day on my blog.

ken, ive cancelled my appointments with my therapist this week. dont want anyone to see me like this.

big bro - i spoke to him a couple of days ago, but didnt tell him. dont want him to know. dont want to dissapoint him.

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Sue, true friends (and qualified therapists) would always want to know what is happening with you. Friends want to walk with friends and stand by them through the tough times. Your friends love you, Sue. The place you're in doesn't change any of that.

Escaping with drugs doesn't help you in the long term. Can you take a step to take care of your needs?

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big bro - i spoke to him a couple of days ago, but didnt tell him. dont want him to know. dont want to dissapoint him.

The truth won't ever disappoint him. Maybe ask him to just hold your hand and tell you a story...he's good at reading your mind ♥

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Take two of these and call your therapist in the morning :-)

Do you think a therapist cares who much we cry at an appointment or if we come in with smiles? Just think how easy it would be for the therapist if you just sat there and asked for a hug. What an easy day for the T :-) Maybe it would break the ice for the next time...or you might remember it's ok to be honest.

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