You are our friend.

you are in our hearts, that's where I know you to be.

you are in pain :o

can you find something in today that is not a memory? Even if it is very small.

I am so sorry for this pain, lil sis : ( : ( : (

i have no memories today, im shutting down. im so empty. switching off, not gonna try and fight it coz i give in - willingly

Hi Sue. I'm sorry you are struggling so much.

I think it's clear you need help right now with all of this...

Is there a way to do this without you having to be hospitalized? I know that is scary for you. Is there a way for you to get some assistance? Call your therapist? You can't do this alone...

{{{{{{ sorry, sue }}}}}}

sis, how can we get true comfort to you?

I know you have got to be in a tremendous amount of pain to be numbing yourself like this. You do need comfort. How can we get it to you?

Will talking help? : (

Yes, we will always listen and be here for you, Sue. This must be frightening for you. I hope you can hug Gertie and feel some comfort.

The hidden meaning:

1) Fear Not...you are not alone in your confusion!

2) Keep your head out of the toilet.

How are you today? Can you do something that gives you pleasure? Take a walk outside...or what about painting?

thanks everyone. I really apprieicate all of your care. Especially the red cross air drop - thanks big sis

im numb, and staying that way, yet the tears wont stop falling. i have no fight left inside of me, so im just letting hell bring it on to me. spiralling into non existance. been seriously wondering if im dead already. nothingness and everythingness all at the same time. need a way out.

Maybe you find something that gets your endorphins going to get you out of the nothingness. There's fight in there, Sue, you just have to find your way to it. I hope you won't give up.

please call yer therapist, sis

If you could imagine a place in your mind, somewhere where you felt happy and serene, what would that place look like? Can you picture it?

I agree about the therapist, Sue. We're all very concerned. I'm off work today and would be happy to keep you company in the meantime.

i wouldnt know what to say to my therapist, dont want to say too much, really dont want to end up in hospital again.

im truely breaking and its the strangest sensation i have ever known.

I understand that you don't want to end up there again.

What will help you right now?

honestly i dont know what will help. been looking at images, and listening to music all morning, trying to find something I can connect to a little. i havnt drank today, just dont need too, im already numb, and ive not OD'd on my meds as much as i normally do - perhaps thats what im doing wrong today. i dont know.

OD'ing on your meds is not good, Sue. Drinking...not good.

Are you having any luck connecting with the music? What kind of music do you like?

How about sitting with your therapist...just telling her you need to sit with someone and cry a bit. Tell her that today, you don't have the words to explain, but you want some comfort. Maybe that would be a beginning.

Have you spoken with your big bro...aka Mark? He might help :-)

i know od'ing isnt good - niether is the drinking. im tryna be careful on that score. but it does help me to pass out. when im passed out i dont know or feel anything. i can rest.

i like all music - at the moment though im just listening to the rain link you posted for me the other day on my blog.

ken, ive cancelled my appointments with my therapist this week. dont want anyone to see me like this.

big bro - i spoke to him a couple of days ago, but didnt tell him. dont want him to know. dont want to dissapoint him.

Sue, true friends (and qualified therapists) would always want to know what is happening with you. Friends want to walk with friends and stand by them through the tough times. Your friends love you, Sue. The place you're in doesn't change any of that.

Escaping with drugs doesn't help you in the long term. Can you take a step to take care of your needs?

Something cold...but beautiful.

big bro - i spoke to him a couple of days ago, but didnt tell him. dont want him to know. dont want to dissapoint him.

The truth won't ever disappoint him. Maybe ask him to just hold your hand and tell you a story...he's good at reading your mind ♥

Take two of these and call your therapist in the morning :-)

Do you think a therapist cares who much we cry at an appointment or if we come in with smiles? Just think how easy it would be for the therapist if you just sat there and asked for a hug. What an easy day for the T :-) Maybe it would break the ice for the next time...or you might remember it's ok to be honest.