the staff heere are ok - i think. though i dont really see them. well apart from the ones that do that totally annoying check every 15 minutes - just to make sure i havnt been up to anything or god forbid managed to escape.

its kinda funny though, coz when they do that they always ask how i am, and when say fine - they walk back out the room, if say dead they walk back out the room, its like i could say whateva the heck i want, aslong as it is one word - and the result is always the same - they walk away. dont blame them, i'd frigging walk away too - if i could.

You could test this hypothesis (not that I'm encouraging it...) by trying ever more random single word responses.

"How are you doing?"

"fine"

(15 minutes)

"How are you doing?"

"decaying"

(15 minutes)

"How are you doing?"

"rainbows"

(15 minutes)

"How are you doing?"

"potato"

(15 minutes)

"How are you doing?"

"I'm playing a game of virtual shitball with my pink dung beetle team. We're winning."

"Hold on just one second"

(leaves the room and brings in a team of doctors...)

...and then when the doctors are all "How did this happen?" The nurse can be all "I don't know, doc. She was potato just fifteen minutes ago..."

I got to go for now. Being summoned bedward...time for sleep...

{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}

hang in there, big sis. "ok" awaits you in your future. endure the shitty meantime as best you can...

now that actually sounds like something the old me would do,,,,,, why didnt i think of that

now im wondering if ive still got it in me to be like that anymore - sounds like it could be fun.

just overheard something really wierd from the cleaning ladys - apparently its illegal to kill yourself in some countries.

now that is funny !!!!

dear diary,

tonight i had enough of this shitty exsistance, so, i put the cat into the animal rescue shelter, cancelled my milk from the milkman for the rest of the month. Stopped my newspaper from being delivered, donated all my money to charity coz i certainly wouldnt need it where i was going...... for it was my time to leave this realm foreva.......

But then, damn it, it occured to me that if i killed myself i would get arrested. :eek:

So now im at home, and i feel lonlier than ever coz my cat isnt here , i have no milk for my coffee in the morning, i wont know whats happening in the world, and im completely pennyless etc......

Sheeze its great to be alive......

** ** *** *** *** ** **

I am so gonna have to check out on the net if that law actually does exsist - its insane !!!!

HAH!, good one :o

I was looking for a tiny whistle for the ref, but they are all tooooo big! I did find a little whistling duck... she would like to play

I can almost hear that little duckling peeping. Love those peeps! He'd make a good whistle for the dung beetle referee.

How am I feeling?

Ok, fair enough question - even though considering certain recent events i'da thought it were fairly obvious.

Have I had any suicidal thoughts in the past 8 weeks?

Ok, now this one really got me in a foul mood, I mean really I was rushed in with a bloody OD and from slipping too much :mad:

Am I likely to act upon suicidal urges?

Uh-hu - love it. Sat there looking down at my stitched wrists and still nursing the after effects from the OD - Does anyone in the medical profession actually read my notes

Am I ready to go home?

WTF !!! - Oh ofcourse I am

Would I be safe at home?

OH PERFECTLY flipping safe. Its not like Im likely to injure myself is it? Sheezus

Ok, so Im just venting I realise that, and Im in a bitch of a mood and feeling totally lousy....... maybe they are not stupid questions, I just have stupid answers.

Although I was asked a really good question by one of my brothers yesterday I think. When I was whinging (yeah I know so unlike me - NOT) to him that I wanted to escape. He simply asked "where to?" - I still dont have the answer, coz I dont want to escape to anywhere - I want/need to escape from myself. And there is only one way I know of, to be able to do that

I want/need to escape from myself. And there is only one way I know of, to be able to do that

And, isn't that the big secret only the dead know, or don't know? Would you really be escaping you? hmm. nuf of that. :-(

I recall a conversation about how lyn would reply to the many questions she would be asked. She would make a game of it, but she didn't joke around with the care she needed. Remember? (((HUGS)))

love ya.

Ok, so Im just venting I realise that, and Im in a bitch of a mood and feeling totally lousy....... maybe they are not stupid questions, I just have stupid answers.

Oh, they sound like stupid questions to me too. It’s hard when others don’t understand what you so desperately feel they should. As if it weren’t difficult enough just dealing with everything, trying to convey it accurately to someone else makes it that much more frustrating.

When I was whinging (yeah I know so unlike me - NOT)

Haven’t we been over this? You have a free lifetime unlimited pass to whine all you want. No one gets to complain about your whining. Least of all you….although I suppose whining about whining still falls under the category of whining…so maybe that’s ok?

I want/need to escape from myself. And there is only one way I know of, to be able to do that

(by going to Africa with the gerties? right? right?....or maybe the bunker?) I know you’re hurting sue. The hurt won’t be this strong forever. You’re in the middle of the shit, right? The dung beetles are small…you have to give them time; they’re working as best they can…

{{{{{{{{dung beetle bug hugs}}}}}}}}}

And' date=' isn't that the [b']big secret only the dead know, or don't know? Would you really be escaping you? hmm. nuf of that. :-(

I recall a conversation about how lyn would reply to the many questions she would be asked. She would make a game of it, but she didn't joke around with the care she needed. Remember? (((HUGS)))

love ya.

I remember

thanks ken

Oh, they sound like stupid questions to me too. It’s hard when others don’t understand what you so desperately feel they should. As if it weren’t difficult enough just dealing with everything, trying to convey it accurately to someone else makes it that much more frustrating.

Thanks for understanding little bro

Haven’t we been over this? You have a free lifetime unlimited pass to whine all you want. No one gets to complain about your whining. Least of all you….although I suppose whining about whining still falls under the category of whining…so maybe that’s ok?

Hmmm, you may regret giving me that lifetime pass to whine

(by going to Africa with the gerties? right? right?....or maybe the bunker?) I know you’re hurting sue. The hurt won’t be this strong forever. You’re in the middle of the shit, right? The dung beetles are small…you have to give them time; they’re working as best they can…

the bunker sounds like a plan, the gerties are still in there though - right?. thanks for caring little bro - oh and for the dung beatles

{{{{{{{{dung beetle bug hugs}}}}}}}}}

That made me smile

What is Digger up to these days?

I wanted to say hi.

Hi Beth

Not sure what Digger is up to these days. But what eva shes doing I hope its full of mischief and that she is having some fun.

(we hear you suesue...)

Oh, I almost forgot about the spot we dug out in the bunker for the gerties, by the way. yeah, they're still there. and they're lonely....we haven't visited them in awhile. want to come feed them with me? I think they eat chocolate...

they eat chocolate leaves!!!!

ive been discharged. going home once they sort mt meds out.

Are you feeling any better?

im numb. past caring.

may we care for you while you can't?

(((((((( susie )))))))))

I have to go to work, but I'm taking you with me