i'm so confused. why can't i ever feel happy? i really did try to be happy and to have fun tonight but it only worked for a little while... it only ever works when i'm drunk. then when that wears off i'm screwed. i tried to be positive but i couldn't. nothing makes me happy anymore. i have no control over it. it just happens. what am i supposed to do? i feel like a lost cause. nothing will ever change. i know that. i feel like a loser. i don't think anyone likes me. i don't blame them. i wish i wasn't alive. i wish my feelings could be taken away. i feel like i have no options left. i don't matter because my life is a waste. everyone probably just feels sorry for me because i'm a loser and that's why they talk to me.