hey there blossom

hows college going

hope all is ok

take care

Jj

ooooooooohhhhhhhh

aaandddddddddddd blosoooommmmmmm hhavvvveee tttonnnssss oooffffffffffff

FFFFUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

ttakeeeee caaarrrrreeeeeee

Jj

:):eek:

Hey Jj, i still don't like college that much but i'm ok:) how are you? i'll try have tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooons of fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!!!

i just realized something during my naptime..

how i feel is really interfering with how i'm doing in college...

Which "how you feel" is interfering, exactly?

I would think that artwork, more than most studies, would force you to come to grips with your emotions. For good or ill.

feeling sad and so tired all the time. i have no energy and all i want to do is sleep. i thought it might help aswel but it's isn't.

Well, yeah, depression can interfere with getting stuff done.

How about going to talk to someone about that, now that you have the chance?

it seems like too much hassle..

Yeah, but at the moment, obviously, it seems like too much hassle to type any more than that. :-P

If it helps you to feel happy and productive, how can that be too much hassle?

i don't think it will help me. [and it's too scary:)]

Well, it definitely won't help you if you don't try it. :-P

It's not scarier than talking to 'finding' and me. Probably less: therapists are trained not to scare off their patients. It's bad for business.

Unless you're scared of being happy and productive? :-P

it's WAY scarier than talking to you and finding... it's easy to talk to ye because i'm not talking to ye face to face.

maybe i am scared of being happy and productive..?...

Why? What could happen if you get to be happy?

Mmm, I know face-to-face is difficult, but both you and starry have jobs that have a lot of customer interaction. How do you manage, there? It's just like that, except a therapist is nice. ;-) And so are 'finding' and I. I bet you could talk to us, too, if you tried.

i do talk to ye:)

i dunno what would happen if i got to be happy..

i zone out when i'm in work. i go to la-la land:) and i try not to look at customers because i hate them.

Yes, silly; you know what I mean. It might even be good practice for you, talking to people in person who you already like.

Happy is good; nothing bad has to happen just because you're happy. No reason to be afraid of it.

Well, again, with customers: what's the worst that can happen? They might be rude, but that makes them look like idiots, it doesn't reflect on you.

i don't have anyone here that would listen to me or that i trust:eek:

happy is good:)!!!

yeah you're right about customers. that's why i've started to pretend they're not there. it upsets me when they get rude.

i don't even know anything about therapy here. we weren't told much.

You know, that's why god gave us the power of asking. :-P

You could go to the administration and ask about school medical and counseling facilities; you don't have to ask in public. The worst that could happen is that they'd say they don't have them, and you'd be no worse off than you are now.

Why do you get upset, when they're the idiots? :-)

i could...

i know there is a counselling service because i seen it on the website. and i know there's an e-mail address and a phone number for it...

i just don't know what to say.

i dunno why i get upset. maybe because it reminds me of ykw? i can't explain it. it just upsets me and i start shaking really badly and then i start crying after a while.

Say, Hi, this is ShaniQua, and I was wondering if I could make an appointment. :-)

Yeah, probably they do remind you of YKW. That might be the therapeutic value of trying to talk to the customers: you never have to see them again. :-)

What thoughts are going through your head, during that transition, from the time they say something until you start crying?

i'll do it tomorrow night right before i go out, when i'm nice and relaxed:)

i can't remember exactly. but they're bad thoughts about how bad i am.

Sorry, I missed this for a while.

Okay, you start thinking bad thoughts about yourself when someone is rude to you. But let's talk about that: they've just made an ass out of themselves, and you start thinking that you're bad? Just because a person yells at you doesn't make them right, you know. Just makes 'em louder idiots, if you ask me. :-)

Maybe there's something you could tell yourself.

yeah i don't really understand it either. it just happens. and then whatever the customer said to me keeps repeating in my head and then i start to panic and then i start shaking and then i start to cry.

Hey, look! Something you could talk about in therapy! ;-)

Do you assume they're right?

Or it doesn't matter, just that they yelled?

Can you tell what you're afraid of when you panic? What's the worst thing that can happen?

(Pardon the interrogation.)

therapy..

i think it's the yelling that sets me off.

i dunno what i'm afraid of but when i panic i keep thinking i want to die, i want to die over and over. and then i start thinking bad thoughts about myself.

Is that what you think to yourself when YKW yells at you?