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soooo confused...


Blossom

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i wonder would i have turned out like this if i had a different mother?

or would i still be the same?

maybe it's not her fault.

maybe it's my own fault that i'm a screw up?

i wonder what i could've done differently?

when i was small i thought the way she acted around me was normal and i accepted all the horrible things she told me about myself. and she used to hit me really hard sometimes but daddy made her stop . i thought that was the way all mothers acted around their children? but then i realised it wasn't normal:( and i began to kinda fight back.. whenever she started complaining about me and telling me that i was useless i'd disagree with her. it made her really really angry that i was standing up for myself and she started saying worse stuff about me and that made me even sadder. and now i've stopped standing up for myself again.. i just ignore her when she says nasty stuff. but it still hurts me.... there's just nothing i can do about it. it's always going to be like this:(

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Blossom

Im so sorry hun, you are going through soo very much.

Youre moma is wrong, she has NO RIGHT to of ever hit you, NO RIGHT to say nasty hurtful things to you or about you,

It makes me so upset that there are still parents out there that have no respect for there children.

You are a lovely person, and deserve so much better.

i dont know what to say, but know that i care, and that we all love you. Blossom you are our friend and you are a

Big brave dogggggggggg

were here for you hun,

and we are listening

Jj

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hey I'm alright, just woke from a nap a little bit ago. I didn't mean to sleep then, now I'm afraid I won't sleep tonight. It's so rainy and cold and dreary here today. I don't wanna get out of bed!

Other than that, you know, it's life, whatever, I don't care for it, not much I can do about it. Is Ireland rainy today?

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No, it's not even 8:00 yet, and I just slept for a few hours, I'll be awake for a while now.

I don't have to get up, but I really should. I didn't feel good earlier and then I woke up with a nasty headache. Lame.

Do you have to work tomorrow? I just had a dream that I overslept and woke up at 9:30am when I was supposed to be at work at 8:30am. I was glad it was just a dream :)

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sniff some lavender and you'll be ok:)

i have a nasty headache too!!! but i think mine is from lack of sleep.. i should really go to bed...

no work tomorrow!!! but i have lots of art to do:(

that's so funny starry! i've been having lots of strange dreams lately.. i think i better go to bed now!!!

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she won't leave me alone.

she always makes me feel even worse than i'm already feeling.

i don't know what to do anymore.

i hate everything about me and my stupid life.

i hate sundays but i also hate every other day of the week.

there's nothing i can do because it'll just stay the same.

i don't want to have to live anymore.

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"confused" is exactly the word, blossom. That dynamic is confusing and very hurtful :):(.

The facts are, you will need to build a life for yourself, bit by bit. You may not think you can, but it gets a little easier once you get going. You're totally right that the situation at home won't change. You will need to make your own home. I know that sucks. [personal experience]. Hey your home already has something going for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a lava lamp!!!! :)

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i'm a bad person.

my sister wanted me to watch a dvd with her but i told her i was too tired. i am too tired.. i think she's upset now. i'm a bad sister. i barely ever spend time with her. i'm in college all week and then when i come home for the weekend i have to work and then when i finish work i'm always too tired to do anything with her. i didn't mean to upset her. see, i'm just as bad as ykw.

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off i go to bed now. nothing new there. i'm lazy and stupid. all i do is sleep. i hope i NEVER wake up. this life SUCKS.

i HATE it.

if i had lots of pills i'd take them right now. that way i'd be sure i'd never ever wake up.

that's another thing about suicide. at least you get to decide when and how you want to die.

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i always wake up. that's the worse part. i hate waking up. god i sound like a brat. i want to do something really really really "bad" that will make ykw REALLY REALLY angry!!!! i'll think of something!!

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oh my... it's so quiet here today..

i so don't want to go back to college:( i know i say that every sunday but i really don't... i'm not sure what to do about college. i don't like it atall. i've been there like a month now.. my parents think i love it. they'd be so angry if they knew i didn't like it. . if i were to drop out now, daddy would get some of his money back at least but if i wait, it'll be too late.. i'm not sure what i should do..

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