i'm not sure why everything is so confusing. everything's mixed up inside me and it doesn't make sense and i know i keep saying the same thing over and over and over but i don't know what to do because nothing's getting better. no matter where i go or what i do i feel sad. even when i do feel a little happy it somehow turns into sad. i'm never completely happy. everywhere i go i feel so out of place and i have nowhere to go. noone wants me and it hurts. noone gets me:mad:

i think i've realised something though.

i think i'm scared of getting to know people. when i was small i had a best friend, she's my next door neighbour at home, and we did everything together and we wore the same clothes and went to each other's houses everyday and played and everyone thought we were twins even though i was ginger and she wasn't . we were best friends for about 10 years i think and then she dumped me to hang out with another girl in our class and they became a twosome. i was so sad. it's not such a big deal now though because i've realized we don't have anything in common anymore. it was a big deal for me at the time though. i'm not sure why i'm even talking about this. She's the only 'best friend' i ever had. i've had lots of other friends but they weren't my "best friends".. i dunno what the difference between a "friend" and a "best friend" are. it was just important to have a best friend at the time and mine dumped me so it sucked..

out of the two of us she was always the decision maker and i kinda depended on her a lot so when she left me i was kinda lost:( then ykw kept annoying me about it saying it's my own fault she stopped hanging out with me because i'm stupid and boring. she kept comparing me to the other girl and saying maybe if i was more like her maybe i'd have more friends. i hate when she compares me to people. it makes me so angry:mad: