i can't stop crying:( i think i'm just disappointed about not going to america anymore. i was really looking forward to that.. it was kinda the only thing keeping me going. i was supposed to go with my cousin and her friends but i called her tonight and said i probably can't go anymore. then i was on facebook less than an hour later and i seen that they had just booked their flights and they had left comments everywhere about how excited they are blah blah blah and then i started to cry and havn't really stopped since:( it probably doesn't sound like a big deal but it is for me. it felt like she was kinda rubbing it in that she's going and i'm not and now i feel horrible. she obviously doesn't care that i'm not going. the only time she wants me around is when she has noone else. i'm like a spare tyre.

then she started instant messaging me on facebook about how excited she is.. then she asked what i was doing right now and i said i'm busy being depressed. SHE TOLD ME TO SNAP OUT OF IT. that made me so angry. i think i would've snapped out of it by now if it were that simple. oh i dunno. i don't think i can stick another summer at home. but it looks like i have no choice. everything just keeps going wrong and i hate everything about my life. i know i'm supposed to be focusing on the positive and not on the negative but it's kinda hard when there is no positive.