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who cares.



i can't stop crying:( i think i'm just disappointed about not going to america anymore. i was really looking forward to that.. it was kinda the only thing keeping me going. i was supposed to go with my cousin and her friends but i called her tonight and said i probably can't go anymore. then i was on facebook less than an hour later and i seen that they had just booked their flights and they had left comments everywhere about how excited they are blah blah blah and then i started to cry and havn't really stopped since:( it probably doesn't sound like a big deal but it is for me. it felt like she was kinda rubbing it in that she's going and i'm not and now i feel horrible. she obviously doesn't care that i'm not going. the only time she wants me around is when she has noone else. i'm like a spare tyre.

then she started instant messaging me on facebook about how excited she is.. then she asked what i was doing right now and i said i'm busy being depressed. SHE TOLD ME TO SNAP OUT OF IT. that made me so angry. i think i would've snapped out of it by now if it were that simple. oh i dunno. i don't think i can stick another summer at home. but it looks like i have no choice. everything just keeps going wrong and i hate everything about my life. i know i'm supposed to be focusing on the positive and not on the negative but it's kinda hard when there is no positive.


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Hey lil sis

your cousin is just being mean, you cant just snap out of depression, geez if it were that simple then there wouldnt be a whole damn forum on the subject here. :)

ofcourse your upset you cant go to America, but hun, maybe you can go somewhere else for summer, oh idk, like England, i know of a big sis, that would love to see ya , not as exciting as America granted, but like theres always shopping in London :(

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I'm sorry for your hurt :):(. I remember when I got everyone to sign up for a backpacking trip with science club then came down with poison sumac. Everyone got to go but me. That made me cry and cry.

You've got lots of friends, Ladybugbutterflyblossomy, and there are new ones waiting round the corner.

[this one appears to be part fairy, part butterfly!!!]


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thanks everyone.

but really i don't have lots of friends and there are none waiting around the corner. noone wants to be my friend in college. i barely get to see the friends i have at home. my cousin was always one of my best friends because we've known each other since forever. but whatever. it just gets lonely and really depressing sometimes. i'm really glad i have all ye as friends but i need real life ones too or else i'll probably never be happy. and i really really really can't stand another summer at home. it'll be the same thing everyday again - get up, go to work, come home, be depressed for a while, then go to bed.

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So change it.

"No one wants to be my friend in college", but there was a girl down the hall that you watched TV with, last week.

"I barely get to see the friends ... at home" ... then figure out how to see them more.

Yes, if you don't change anything, it'll probably stay approximately the same.

And you left out "talk to my friends onsite" in your daily life, last summer. I know we're not the same as people you can touch, but ... can you see that depression is making you edit out all the good things? It still might be mostly bad, but only depression's lies can make it all bad.

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Ah, sweety, that's not why I said it.

I don't want to make you feel worse.

I should've just said that I was sorry you felt so bad.

There is no way to just "snap out of it". The only thing that I do know that can work is to try, though. I just don't have as gentle a touch as 'finding' does.

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Have you ever heard of the concept of 'agape'?

I pour out my energy without expectation of any return, and it repays me anyway, just the way your angels described it.

Except without the ray guns.

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